My boyfriend (25m) and I (25f) have been together six months. Anytime we fight or have problems I’m not allowed to go anywhere or else he feels abandoned. Like we’ll be fighting all day and just sitting in his room not speaking. I like to have space sometimes and if we’re not making
progress then I don’t see the point in sitting at his parents house not speaking. Today we just weren’t talking and things felt off for no reason. I told him I was going to go home and work on cleaning my closet and he freaked out and almost broke up with me over it. I get that we need to work through things but I feel smothered a bit.
Tl;dr boyfriend dislikes when I take space
3 comments
If this relationship is going to last, I really think you need counseling—both as a couple, and him individually. It sounds like he has pretty serious abandonment issues for some reason.
Also, an important part of any healthy relationship is learning how to encounter and resolve conflict constructively. If you’re “fighting all day” or simply not communicating at all for days at a time because otherwise it will turn into a fight, it sounds like you’re not working through conflict effectively at all. This is something you need to work on together, and a relationship counselor could help with.
Edit to add: On the other hand, realistically you may need to weigh up the fact that you’re only 25, and you’re six months into this relationship… and ask yourself if you really want it to last. Is he someone you can see being a positive part of your life for a long time? For life? If not, and neither of you are happy, maybe you need to consider whether it’s run its course.
Your boyfriend sounds like he has some serious insecurity issues he needs to work on.
He’s manipulating you and conditioning you into doing what he wants. Your need for space and peace is just as valid as his to be with you. What’s not okay is that he manipulates and threatens in order to get what he wants which leaves you feeling like his feelings and behavior are your responsibility to manage. He has a break down and wants to break up? Great, let him, what exactly are you going to lose? A guy who manipulates you and conditions you? Ffs. You need to learn to enforce strict boundaries. You have a fight, you want to go cool off, he’s upset about that. Let him be upset, it’s okay, he’ll survive and if your relationship can’t survive you taking some time to chill and then discuss the issue, it’s not much of a relationship to begin with.
People with different ways of dealing with conflicts in relationships can stay together and have a happy healthy relationship only if they both recognize they have different approaches and needs, both respect that and work together towards finding a compromising solution that can help solve issues productively. You don’t have that in your relationship. Your partner doesn’t respect your differences and wants shit to go his way. Not healthy. Draw boundaries.