I have same sex parents. I call them both mum but for the purpose of this, I’ll call them by their names.
On Saturday I was hanging out with some friends. We decided to go to the footy field behind my house and kick the ball around. I took a bad fall and I broke my arm. I told my one of my mates to run and get Cindy (suregon mom). Both Cindy and Jasmine came out and took me to the hospital Cindy works at. I ended up getting my arm seen too. And yeah that’s how it happened.
Come Monday, the two of them started fighting. Jaz is upset that I asked my friends to get Cindy. Apparently my friends ignored her and went right to Cindy when they came to tell her. And it’s just spiralled into this much bigger thing. And it got very ugly with a bunch of stuff I am not privy too until then.
I don’t understand because I’ve never favoured one over the other. Jaz and I do plenty of shit together as she doesn’t work as much as Cindy. So we often do a lot of stuff together. But the argument got so bad with Cindy last night that she left and is staying with friends. Unsure of what to do.
*TL;DR* Mum got upset over an injury and left after a fight.
20 comments
I doubt your injury and request for Cindy had a ton to do with it. It’s far more likely other things were going on and this became the breaking point. Let them work it out and try not to worry too much. Relationships are complex and sometimes there’s just a lot going on.
This just shows how petty and stupid parents can be, regardless of their gender. Same sex parents can be as good or as bad as any “conventional” couple. I don’t know if this should be a good or a bad thing.
I would also think they have other relationship problems and what happened just ignited the whole wood pile.
You did the smart thing, the logical thing. So don’t beat yourself over it. This is 100% not you. They need to solve their issues like adult parents should do and not make their son feel like he did something wrong and caused this.
There is really and truly nothing for you to do here. You did nothing wrong. Your friends should probably have told Jasmine instead of charging ahead to find Cindy, but they were worried about you. This is pretty clearly between her and Cindy, and they’ll need to resolve it together.
I hope she comes back with an apology for you, because asking an injured teenager to manage an adult’s feelings is a bit unreasonable. Either way, I hope this blows over quickly.
There is really and truly nothing for you to do here. You did nothing wrong. Your friends should probably have told Jasmine instead of charging ahead to find Cindy, but they were worried about you. This is pretty clearly between her and Cindy, and they’ll need to resolve it together.I hope she comes back with an apology for you, because asking an injured teenager to manage an adult’s feelings is a bit unreasonable. Either way, I hope this blows over quickly.
This isn’t your fault or really anything to do with you. It’s something they have to sort out for themselves.
It makes logical sense that the parent with medical expertise is the one your friends went to. There’s no favouritism here.
Don’t beat yourself up; just focus on healing. You are a neutral person in their disagreement. Really, they should be focused on your wellbeing above anything else.
Your moms are acting like kids. They should grow up and focus on your healing process, not at the bickering between each other.
It really has nothing to do with you. It sounds like there was a lot of resentment and this situation gave her the push to pull it all out.
As much as you love them, this is not your relationship so let them work it out.
There is nothing you can do. This is not about you at all, and you need to remember that. This is about them, their relationship, and things that have been going on between them for a long time. I know its hard because from your perspective it looks like cause -> effect, but part of the job of parents is keeping their childrens’ lives as comfortable as possible, and that frequently means (or should mean) that they hide their interpersonal strife from you.
Think of this like an iceberg: there is a little bit poking out from the water that you only just noticed because you sailed close enough to see it but the larger mass of ice has been under the surface for a long time. I’m sorry that this is happening, it must be really hard for everyone. Separations are really painful for everyone. Sometimes people need a break to figure out what what the right thing to do is, but nothing about it is easy or good.
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Is one of them your birth mother? Could that play into their response?
Parents fighting is always tough on kids, regardless of age.
Is one of them the birth Mother?
sounds like they got their own issues to work out and you can’t really do much, you didn’t do anything wrong
Yeah something else is going on in the relationship that has nothing to do with you. My husband is better at video games. If the kids went straight to him for help I don’t freak. I’m better at medical stuff so they come to me foe that, my husband doesn’t freak out. Something else is going on.
As others have said, this doesn’t really have to do with you. I’ll add, *good* parents don’t involve their kids in their martial issues, which is why this seems so sudden and you aren’t getting a lot of information about the situation. Their relationship is not your relationship with either of them, and they’re trying to keep it that way. I think they should still talk to you about it, for the exact reason you made this post: you feel like it’s your fault or that you had a part in this when you didn’t. It’s important for parents to talk to their kids when they’re having big issues for the kid doesn’t internalize it or think they were a factor. Try to have a talk to your moms and say how you’re feeling
You are not responsible for your parents relationship issues. You didn’t cause it, you’re not the root of it, and anything that’s happening is not your fault.
Adults often forget that kids and teens are really observant and are very very aware of what’s happening around them. Let them know what you’re worried about, and talk to them. They probably have no idea that you’re feeling this way.
You do nothing. What is going on between your moms has nothing to do with you. I know you feel like it is your fault, and you want to fix it, but it is not. Your parents are having issues and the injury just brought it to a head.
You don’t do anything. It’s not about you. It may seem like your mom is upset you hurt yourself and asked for surgeon my mom but she’s not. That started an argument between them that doesn’t have anything to do with what started the argument.
You didn’t do anything wrong and they should have made that clear. You didn’t cause this fight and you can’t fix it.
My dad is an oncologist, he, like Cindy probably does, works long, long hours. It’s part of the gig.
My mom often complained about this, mostly out of concern about his well-being and lack of time with us. It never got ugly, but I could see how hurt my mom was whenever my dad had to cancel on us for the millionth time because of an emergency at his practice or hospital.
Being around other doctors and surgeons, this was also common. It’s a demanding field that eats a lot of time, resulting in one parent taking the brunt of the work raising kids and keeping a home, which can result in resentment that builds up over time.
Like others have pointed, this wasn’t about you or what happened, it probably was just the stroke that broke the camels back.
It’s definitely not just about you. As you mentioned, a bunch of stuff came up that you didn’t know about in their fight, and this just tipped the scales. I’m sure your friends acting kind of like asshats to her while her kid was hurt didn’t help. I think the most you can do is call her and apologize for your friend’s behavior, that you told them to ask Cindy because in the moment you thought she’d know exactly what to do. It won’t solve the overall problem, but might make her feel a little better about that specific situation.
Your mum is having a female emotional response to not being the first one “you” went to in a crisis in my opinion.
They love you so much it sounds like and her baby got hurt and she felt overlooked. I would suggest just being extra nice and comforting to her, remind her that you need her for plenty of things but logically, you just thought the surgeon in the family was the best “first responder” to send your friends for help. Your mum will start to feel better, logic should take over and she’ll understand in time when the emotions of the whole thing subside.
I’m not a mom but I do have rejection sensitivity dysphoria from ADHD and I’m also female so while I’m completely guessing here, it feels very likely I’m right and she’s just dealing with the aftermath of an intense situation. Emotions and hormones can be a real asshole sometimes and clouds our logic and judgement. RSD is a bigger asshole that makes us see rejection where there isn’t any. She just maybe feels interior to her spouse right now so if you remind her of what she does for you that you appreciate or that you need her for… I would hope it works smooth things over.
Like, does she primarily take care of you when you’re sick? Does she make you something special to eat? Do you go to her for advice on anything? Does she help you with your finances? Just remind her what her strengths are.
If ANYTHING, she’ll open up to you about what’s really bothering her and that’s great too. This is a good bonding opportunity since they’re both probably starting to feel the “my baby is leaving” since it usually starts in our teens that we begin to be more independent and then we graduate and go off into the world or college or whatever.
Sorry about your arm, glad you’re okay, hug your mums.