So I’m in a sex lul. Edit: for context I am (21f) my bf is (23m). One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot is that my bf and I do not discuss masterbation, what porn we watch, what we are into sexually… ever. We have been together 6 years and he says he doesn’t masterbate. We live together so I almost believe him. My friends say I’m crazy and all men do. And tbf i masterbate, not everyday but when I do I finish like 5 times in a row and I LOVE it and wish I could do something like that with my bf. But we just don’t ever talk about it and when I’ve been like hey if you ever do masterbate show me what you watch I’m curious 👀 to open up dialog about it and try something different that turns him on. I think just being open about that would help us have better sex tbh. He doesn’t know I watch lesbian porn and I don’t think I can just bring that up. I’m bi and have always known but got in a relationship super early and don’t have any sexual experiences with a woman. I’ve been fantasizing a lot about having sex with a woman like it turns me on so much. I think about it when having sex with my bf and I feel really guilty about it. I’m worried I might actually be way more into women than men so major sexuality panic, but I probably overthink it. I’m bi it is what it is. Also could be that sex is so routine now it just doesn’t excite me the same way the idea of something new does. I also would want to try bondage or RP. sort of feeling embarrassed about feeling this way too. I think the obvious thing to do is that I need to have a discussion with him about it. He’s not unreasonable and he’s honestly the most amazing person I think we have a solid relationship and id love to just improve our sex lives. But the idea I have more uhhh depraved sexual urges and he’s just a guy who is good with missionary/doggy and the typical stuff and doesn’t even feel the urge to masterbate is sort of mortifying to me and I don’t want him to think of me differently. Anyone experienced this or have any advice for making our relationship more sex positive and having open dialogue about sex/sexuality?
2 comments
Maybe try the mojo upgrade questionnaire? It’s an online test to see what sexual interests you have in common.
Post-sexy time, you could take the leap of faith and confess one of your sexual interest to see if he shares some of his own.
Before sex, you could ask to masturbate in front of him to warm up so he watches you and maybe want to join in.
In regards to porn, it could be he doesn’t watch, or it could be that it’s a very private act for him, or it could be a very shameful act for him to admit to anyone. Not everything needs to be disclosed to each other and if he doesn’t want to disclose his porn, he doesn’t have to. You can try and show him what you watch and see if he wants to do the same.
Six years is a long time to not have this kind of communication. It sounds like he’s not great at it or is just not comfortable about discussing sex with you, but you could also do a bit more to show him that you want more. Just always approach it with the idea that you want to get to know him more, and that you won’t judge him no matter what.