Update: My (50m) Daughter (24f) just moved back in after an abusive relationship and she’s been wanting to be uncomfortably close to me.

Ok. So I got some great advice, and I figured I would give everyone an update and clarify a few things because it will come into play.

I know I said this in the comments, but I will reiterate here. When I picked her up I saw that she was underweight and had bruises on her face and neck. Clearly strangulation marks on her neck and she had been punched in the face. I immediately took her to a walk in clinic. I wanted her checked for head trauma, I wanted to make sure she was ok, no broken bones or head traumas etc, I wanted DRs advice on getting her back up to a healthy weight (Which foods to eat which to avoid refeeding syndrome etc) The DR told me her BMI was 15. Not good but not requiring immediate hospitalizations or anything that would be 12 and under. I also wanted all of her injuries documented. I also got pictures. the DR gave me advice on how best to get her up to weight without her feeling sick. I asked my daughter if she wanted to file a police report and press charges. I wanted this she did not. I didnt push it but I kept the medical records from the Drs visit.

I got her home and for the first week I was careful about what I was feeding her and how much so we could get her healthy again without making her sick. I feel bad about it now because after I put my original post up my daughter opened up to me about what he did and put her through. One of the things he would do is watch what she was eating and how much. He would constantly warn her about “getting fat and not being attractive anymore” I now feel a bit bad because when she got home, I too was monitoring what she was eating at first. I know its for different reasons, but it still makes me feel bad.

Anyways on to the update part of things. She did finally write down everything that he did to her. I tool a copy of this and put it with her medical files in case she ever decided to press charges later. I took her to her therapist’s appointment, and he recommended what many of you did a specialist. He had the name of a domestic abuse specialist who was also a woman. We are keeping him on for me and as counseling for the two of us. I try to be a good father but there were cracks in our relationship he was able to exploit to turn her against me. There were things I did wrong after my wifes death and things we need to address and also to just get help with helping her recover. Shes now seeing a domestic abuse specialist.

As for the sleep thing well, I had a talk with her and the therapist about it and we came up with a plan utilizing many of the recommendations mentioned on the last thread and we are all comfortable with the solution we have come up with. I don’t want to get to much into what he did to her. Thats her story to tell. But he did utilize sleep deprivation, she told me he would make these “jokes” about how easy it would be for him to kill her in her sleep. he would joke like this all the time and then laugh about it. She repeatedly asked him to stop but he didn’t. I only mention it because people mentioned he might have done things to make her scared to sleep and well that was…one of them. I don’t want to repeat the others. Those are too personal.

I took a leave of absence from work so I could be home with her. I prepared my weapons and got a ring cam to monitor the door. he did not give up on her easily. While she had blocked his number and social media profiles, he would repeatedly create false profiles or use burner phones to continue to harass her. At one point i did take the phone from her when he had called her and told him not to show up here or i would…well you know. That was not enough. About 2 weeks after this post went up he showed up. I saw him on the ring cam I had installed and called the police to have him removed. I told him from the door to leave and if he walked inside, it would be the last thing he ever did. Instead, the police cam and removed him. But they did little else but get rid of him. Without a protective order or my daughter filing domestic abuse charges the most they could really do was tell him to get off my lawn basically.

This was the wake up call my daughter needed though. She decided to press charges after he showed up. I retained a lawyer to help us through this. I gave the lawyer the advice I had accumulated, and he spoke to the DA and police and helped have the charges filed, and the restraining order issued honestly, I’m not sure what went on there, but people let me tell you, Lawyers are your friend if you need to navigate \*ANYTHING\* in the legal system, even if you are not a defendant.

So that brings us too now. We’re moving forward in the legal system now to press charges. We have a protective order; she’s recovered more or less physically but emotionally it’s going to be a while. I’m in therapy, shes in therapy and we’re in therapy together (Yes lets of therapy). She is sleeping in her own bed when she feels up to it but she still has nightmares and nights where she feels comforted to be close to me. We are comfortable with the arrangements we’ve made here and have drawn up a plan with her her therapist to get her back into her own room and bed.

I feel bad about the feeding no. I had monitored her food intake before I knew he had been watching how she ate like that. I also feel like I failed to prepare her for someone like that.

Too everyone who responded to my first thread thank you (to most of you)