If you were a ghost, how would you haunt people?

17 comments

1. Just chew ghost food with my mouth open at a level where it’s barely audible but sufficient volume to wear them down over a long period of time.

   And infrequently enough to really get them doubting themselves.

2. ever so slowly move/hide stuff, they wouldn’t know I was there, but they would slowly think they are losing their mind, and eventually, they would join me as a ghost.

3. I’d fuck up their spreadsheets.

4. HA HA HA! I love your humour! More please!

   I’d pick up a rug and put it under the duvet so they’ll have a nice surprise when they get in to bed!

5. Two ways, nice haunting primarily. I’d like to be the ghost that wargs through the sofa and puts that set of keys you thought you lost in a jacket pocket hung on the door for you to “find” later.

   I’d like to appear in people’s cars as they’re nodding off at the wheel and give them a gentle cold wave of ghostyness to wake them up.

   The mean side? Hmm I would use that same “I’m passing through you cold chill to interrupt my adversaries just as they’re about to sneeze, ruining every single one.

6. Have you ever seen the Exorcist?

   Well, I haven’t, so I’d turn the TV on to play it every opportunity I got.

7. It would be funny every now and again to just slap them in the face. Not too often though.

8. If I was a ghost, I wouldn’t haunt people. I’d go and do things I can’t as a human.
   Like:
   * Go into space
   * To the depths of the oceans
   * Let myself be carried with the wind and see where it takes me
   * See what other forms I can change into
   * Visit other dimensions

   There’s so much more room for activities as a ghost

9. The reason that ghosts don’t get up to more exciting or original shenanigans is because there’s an iron clad ghost code of conduct, it hasn’t been updated since the 1800’s, so it’s a bit out of date, but like the American constitution it’s a document that is considered sacred in the spirit world. So ghosts daren’t go against it in case they lose their haunting license and get put in ghost prison.

   Don’t ask how I know, I just do.

10. I would massage their buttocks at inconvenient times.

11. I’d mutter things like “you deaf cunt” from a room where their spouse is to see how many “what did you say” arguments I can set off.

12. If I could manifest noise, I would just disagree with everything they said to other people.

13. I would wait until they were watching the football and then cheer on the opposition.

14. Every time they put the car keys down, I would move them.

15. I’d make the microwave beep

16. I’d probably move things around, and swap their butter for margarine.

17. Mostly ghostly farting. I could derive many centuries of purile joy by hiding in lifts and other such spaces and loudly breaking wind