I found out about a year ago that my boyfriend posted a pornographic video of us on his Reddit. I confronted him, he apologized and seemed extremely remorseful. I moved on.
Out of curiosity I googled his old Reddit name and found a different account with MULTIPLE videos on there. Although they’re deleted on Reddit they are still out in the internet under nsfw websites. These videos were uploaded before I confronted him but coming to the realization that he posted these videos multiple times completely without my permission is breaking my heart.
I’m not sure how to proceed. I am deeply in love with him and our lives are so connected at this point.
Here’s my dilemma, I want to confront him about this but in doing so I will admit to creeping heavily into his posting history. These videos were posted before I “ confronted” him however I was unaware he was posting multiple videos…… it just seems so much worse now.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice. Thanks guys
EDIT- thank you so much for being thoughtful with the responses it’s encouraging me to speak up. I struggle immensely with conflict and this is a HUGE lesson to fucking put that aside. I really had not realized the gravity of the situation
*** my face is in the video but “blurred” out w a shitty filter so not clear . My room and whole face shape are visible
32 comments
Don’t just confront him, leave him and press charges. Seriously, girl run.
Look into the legality of this where you live and what actions you can take.
Also – why are you calling him “boyfriend” and not “EX”?!
BREAK UP WITH HIM. Delete his contact and block him. Take legal action.
Press charges!
I don’t think you should move on. I think you should move away. Confronting him will only confirm that he’s garbage.
He’s not a boyfriend. He’s just one more asshole that should be removed from your life.
Seek out legal advice for your country and area.
Look, this guy took the videos then posted them WITHOUT SEEING IF THAT WAS OKAY WITH YOU FIRST.
Makes me think he didn’t care what you thought, after he got the videos he wanted he ran and dumped them on the internet. I could be wrong, but I’m sure you could probably sue his silly ass for this.
I’d have a very stern talking to with him and make him find all the videos on the net and have them removed. Make him provide proof he did so as well.
GIRL! What advice would you give your friend if this happened to her?
You don’t need to confront him, just go to the police.
I am stunned that young women such as yourself put up with being humiliated , demeaned and disrespected. You should be packing your bags and running away from this man. How , on earth , can you ever trust him? Where is your self-respect. Are you so desperate that you have to settle for this piece of trash?
Alright, for sake of argument, let’s say that you’re okay with the fact that he hasn’t done this since the first confrontation. (I’m not saying I agree with this idea, I don’t. But since OP has added it into the original argument up top, we’re gonna make the assumption.)
First you need to have a talk with him about where and what got posted. You need upright honesty and him owning up to his shit.
Then you need to follow up on revenge porn laws to get that shit taken down. It was posted without your permission, and you’re entitled to its removal in full.
To follow up with you feelings? It’s not worse now. It’s worse then. However, that’s enough. If this has broken your trust, and I think it very well could/should, you’re not likely to see it come back. Listen to yourself, your gut, on whether or not this is a breaking point. Make a decision and don’t look back, whichever direction you go.
This is nowhere near OK, it’s criminal and abusive.
You have to leave him.
hmm…. did he comment anything or label the videos in any way? Is your face in them? Id be curious how he treated you there as well as it would be very telling.
What does your gut instinct telling you? without any sort of other advice from friends or this sub? Your first initial thought. Like as soon as you read that sentence (if you even did read it lol).
This isn’t something you should be moving on from.
First of all, there is not a time limit to discussing things that upset you in a relationship. You are feeling valid feelings of mistrust and violation, because he violated your trust in a horrible way, multiple times. And apparently suffered zero consequences. So yeah, bring it up. Make him walk you through his thought process, make him explain what he got from that choice and how he thinks it has affected you. Talk about it until you feel better, because he wronged you in an enormous way, that I feel confident most would not forgive. If he gets defensive or says you’re bringing up “old stuff” let him know it is indeed current events both because you are still disturbed by his actions currently and because your ass in out there on the damn internet, without your consent, currently and in perpetuity. Thanks to him.
Your boyfriend is a sex criminal. Why would you want to stay with him and move on with him? This is a talk to a lawyer and call the police issue, not a relationship that can or should be fixed issue. You’re massively under reacting.
Going on another side of this – since you’re in the videos, I think you should look into issuing DCMA takedown notices to every place hosting the videos (if you found a few places). It’s a start, and it might help to get them scrubbed off as much of the internet as possible.
I don’t think you’re grasping the gravity of what he did.
You snooped on his account, he posted your naked body online for the world to see. Those two things are not the same.
How is it even a dilemma? That’s like potato and T-Rex, they’re not comparable.
I would simply confront with a police report, when cops come to arrest him for illegal distribution of pornography. Because
#yes what he did is a crime
Let that sink in
You want us to help you figure out how to confront your boyfriend about posting porn without your consent in such a way that you preserve the relationship?
With a guy who has posted PORN about you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT?
I don’t have any advice for you. It doesn’t matter, honestly. You’ve already chosen him over your dignity, your privacy, your pride. That’s already done. You don’t ever get them back from him.
You can start taking them back by leaving him, but I don’t think you will. I think you’ve already decided that telling people you’re breaking up with him is worse than him putting nonconsensual porn on the internet. You have your reasons, I’m sure, you think they’re good. You took him back, after all.
But they’re not good. You are not going to be okay in this relationship. He’s not going to be a better man because there’s a ring on his finger. You’re always going to know he did this to you, and the more dependent on him you become, the more that’s going to eat you up, until you’re all the way gone.
This stunning lack of common sense and decency on his part I can’t imagine what he’ll do in the future. This is just disgusting behavior and you should not marry this person. This is leaps and bounds beyond forgivable.
I swear the standards in this sub are below hell itself.
No person who is anywhere near decent will entertain the idea of doing this for even 1 second.
You need to RUN and PRESS CHARGES because what he did is ILLEGAL.
If your face is shown then it’s a reputation issue. They could prevent you from getting hired at jobs.
I think it’s important to evaluate the extent of damage and make sure he understands why this is a violation of your trust.
>I found out about a year ago that my boyfriend posted a pornographic video of us on his Reddit. I confronted him, he apologized and seemed extremely remorseful.
He obviously wasn’t ‘remorseful’ for having done it or he would’ve come clean that it wasn’t the only time. He regretted getting caught and focused on minimizing the damage to *himself*.
I would’ve been done the first time because that is just such an egregious betrayal of trust and there is no fucking way he didn’t know that it wasn’t okay to post porn of you online without your knowledge or approval. But the fact that he did it *multiple times*?? No. Just … no. But if you’re really struggling with it, I would suggest sitting him down, telling him you are really struggling with it and need him to be honest with you so you can find a way to finally move forward from this. Ask him to be completely forthcoming and tell you if there is anything else he did that you don’t know about. See if he’ll spill the beans.
But truly, I don’t see how you could ever get over this.
this is illegal. press charges. you have proof.
Creeping heavily into his posting history? *Creeping heavily into his posting history????*
WTF! How did he brainwash you to this degree? If my partner had posted sex videos of me without my permission, I’d feel fully justified to look through all his devices, his email, his bank accounts, underwear drawer and childhood fucking diary just to make sure I found them all. Ffs.
All you did was google a public profile, after knowing he posted these videos (which might be an actual crime in your jurisdiction), and you’re worried about your “creeping”????
girl….
I was stabbed but feel guilty for looking at the wounds?
1. Dump him.
2. Go to the police after gathering all the evidence you can. Your ex boyfriend is a criminal piece of shit.
I had a boyfriend once share a naked picture of me with a friend, that was the first red flag that I ignored. He continued to not respect me as a person and the kinds of harm he was willing to do escalated overtime until it was eventually a full on abusive relationship. I’m not saying that anyone who does something like that is definitely an abuser bc it’s not that simple but I am telling you that when people show you who they are believe them. This person doesn’t legitimately respect you or he just would not have done that and do you really want to stay trapped in a relationship without basic respect? This isn’t something you should move on from. Boundaries are how we love and respect ourselves, love and respect yourself enough to stand up to this and say no I will not be treated this way and I will not stay with someone who treats me this way.
That’s huge fucking violation of trust. Fuck that, if that were my sisters, I’m looking at jail time. What he did is extremely wrong and fucked up. He’s 30 for crying out loud. He knows what he did is wrong. You need to leave him and talk to the police about it. That is not ok in the slightest in any world, whatsoever!
What he did is a crime that can have a permanent negative impact on your future and career. People have gone to jail for much less. I would personally document all the evidence on a flash drive and your phone, and then leave him and press charges.
Confront him over text so you have proof that you didn’t consent and proof of him admitting you didn’t consent.
Also, if he was remorseful when you confronted him he knows it was a betrayal and you had to process that. If it was nagging at you and you searched for more videos as part of your process, that is fine and literallt not as creepy as posting pornography of someone he is supposed to love and respect on the fucking internet for weird men to get off on.
Uh, you creeping into his post history doesn’t remotely compare to him being a full on creep and posting video of you naked and having sex.