My husband doesn’t cook or want to learn to cook. Is it bad I feel tired cooking all the time? I try to meal prep more and such. Cooking can take a while for me. I was wondering what do you do to take less time and such for making food? I had a talk with him before and he buys food for us once on the weekends or sometimes when he is out and about he gets something for us. He said that’s his way of cooking. I try not to be annoyed since he is the one working full-time. I freelance when I can and would like to find a part-time job later on for graphic design or something wfh to help out. He said I don’t have to work and wanted me to be home with future kids. I know daycare can be expensive. Our first baby is on the way. Before being married and just dating I love to cook but now doing all the time feels like a chore. I kinda feel envious of friends who have parnters who actually cooks for them. My older sister been married for 25 years and said she is always tired cooking all the time. Her husband bbq grilled and that’s it. I think my husband doesn’t want to cook or learn since growing up for him his mom always did all the cooking and his dad doesn’t. His mom was also stay at home. I also kinda miss working. I was working at a corporate graphic design place but got laid off during the pandemic back 2020. I was doing good freelancing at first but it’s hard sometimes. So I guess my other job is taking care of my family now. I try not to feel bad for not working or hard on myself. I use to thought I’ll be a working women, but I learned it’s hard doing both and raising a family. Maybe I need to meal prep better or something.
Thank you anyone for reading my thoughts
7 comments
I do all the cooking and love it. I get a lot of satisfaction from feeding loved ones.
That sucks that he has no desire to learn though, it’s such a cop out.
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Everyone should know how to cook. **Everyone.** And with the internet, there’s no excuse about not knowing how to do a hundred simple dishes. I’m quite a bit older than you two and my mom ensured that I knew how starting in the 1960s, so it’s not any old-time “values” for men to not know how.
When someone has a cop out saying they can’t do it, I think it’s [weaponized incompetence](https://www.bustle.com/wellness/weaponized-incompetence-manipulation-tactic). With a baby on the way, you’ve got a full time job all day long same as he does, so when he gets off, he should be a teammate in every way, diving into the cooking, cleaning and childcare that’s got to happen. Anything less and you have to operate as a single parent.
My husband doesn’t cook either, and I get sick of it. We both work full time.
He doesn’t expect me to do it, he just…won’t. If I don’t cook, it’s microwave meals. He is fine with that, but I don’t want to live on microwave food, so I cook.
Honestly I hate meal planning more. Sometimes I can’t think of anything because I’m so burned out from always thinking of everything. He just says he doesn’t mind if I ask for input. The mental load is way more exhausting to me.
It’s frustrating. But I’m not sure what I can do about it. So I batch cook. I make huge amounts each time I cook, then freeze a lot. So I can take days off but still have a home cooked meal.
Outside of that, if I get a day where I’m really struggling, I just tell him I’m not cooking tonight, you can sort yourself out, I’m just making myself a sandwich.
Also, if you want to work, you should work. You don’t have to be a stay at home just because he wants you to. It’s your life.
I HATE COOKING. My husband will grill and smoke stuff so that helps. I also use Instant pot, sous vide, air fryer, crockpot as much as possible and use recipes with the least prep and ingredients possible. Sometimes I will double or triple a recipe (soups and casseroles) for leftovers so I can skip cooking as much as possible
I agree with everyone here who says he should learn a few simple meals at least so he can cook when he needs to. However, having been married for a long time to a man who can cook but almost never does, I recommend dump and go crockpot recipes and sheet pan dinners. You can also do prep and throw a bunch of meals in Ziploc bags in the freezer and then thaw them out and throw them in the crock pot when you need to.
I mean everybody should know how to cook basics in case of an emergency, but if he doesn’t like to cook I don’t really see the huge issue. If I ever feel like not cooking I just tell my husband and he is always ready to jump up and pick up takeout, or take us out to a restaurant. Just because it’s not home-cooked food doesn’t mean he’s not contributing. Some people just hate cooking or are genuinely bad at it. Everyone has different skill sets and couples should play to their individual strengths.