I’ve been been seeing a guy M28 for 4 months now and in the past 2 months his behaviour has become very arrogant towards me. He says it’s because of work. The initial love bombing is gone. And today I expressed about how I felt I’ve put on some weight because of the birth control pills I had to take because of him. I get this in response.
Me : Babe I’ve gained some weight. It’s the pills I think 🥲
Him : whaaaat? Really ?
I told you, you were eating a lot of food!
I was like taken aback. There have been instances where he just snaps saying who are you to tell me what to do. It’s weighing me down.
Edit: Thankyou guys for your responses, your perspective really helps. Especially since the same nagging question has been raised multiple times due to behaviour. And for people asking > I had to resort to the pills because he would in the moment make it a point to ignore my advice for any other protection. I kept my choices aside to sort of appease him. And I realise from your responses I need to work on my self worth too. Thankyou all!
45 comments
Yes, he is mean and abusive. Please leave him. Nobody should talk to you that way.
Seems like a no-brainer. Go find you a better partner.
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The reality is that men care about looks and fall in love with looks first, so when they change especially in a relationship, they may lose attraction. Should they be careful/ thoughtful on mentioning a partner weight sure. I am of the opinion that it is both partners responsibility to take care of themselves and be attractive to themselves and their partners in long term relationships such as marriage or you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life. If you have a partner ( especially marriage) and you expected monogamy (no cheating) then it takes continuous work on the relationship and on oneself ( including physical/being in normal weight range) for it to work. Now all this assuming you believe this is the right person for you. If not, then you need to reevaluate the relationship. I hope I don’t come off as to direct but I want women to hear the perspectives of men and the truth, men care about looks but I don’t think as much as females, I believe as long you are in a normal weight range, your good. It gets into shaky waters when you are 40,60, 80 pounds overweight with no pregnancy/child.
Yikes, 4 months and he’s already a dick? Yeah red flag imo
Red flag and you know it.
First off, if you bring up to him how you’re feeling and you tell him he either has to change or leave you forever and he chooses to leave, consider it good riddance.
If he chooses to stay, and change for you because he doesn’t want to lose you (like my boyfriend has) tell him you’re not having sex with him until he gets a vasectomy. Or you find a non hormonal method you like.
Secondly, get off the birth control pills ok. Seriously. There’s enough hormone altering products we use daily. Natural and non hormonal methods when stacked, work.
He sounds like an asshole and not worth your time
Yeah, that’s an asshole right there. You can do better.
Dump. Him. Yesterday.
You bring a legit concern and he blames you? Dump his immature ass
Why are you even bothering with this guy? Dump him and move on gal.
Also, if you KNOW someone is love bombing you in the beginning isn’t that already a red flag? Why did you wait till now? I would have retreated when that happened.
It’s been 4 months and he’s showing you who he is. If you don’t like it, you know what to do!
Leave that’s not right be who you r for u don’t be who someone want you to be
Just leave him. As you said he loved bomb you…which is a red flag already.
It’s time to get rid of him he doesn’t deserve you…
Find someone who is going to respect you for who you are…Good Luck 🙏
Yup red flag
He’s this bad after 4 months, think how he’s be in a year. Save yourself the trouble
If you have to ask you already know. It’s a red flag
Absolutely……
The response was so shallow ….
Please beautiful know your worth … & he is not it
The period of infatuation should last longer than 4 months. Clear indicator ur relationship is not going to last much longer at all. A proper response to saying u gained weight is a nice compliment on ur looks and a discussion about a resolution. Maybe take the birth control and ur partner will promise to workout with u or cook nice healthy dinners more often. Or some other resolution where u stop the pills and figure out a different way to prevent pregnancy risk
Big red flag, a guy should never take his frustration work or anything out on you, also he should always lift you up when you feeling down, he’s doing all this so you don’t go looking for someone, because he’s trying to destroy your mental,emotional state about yourself… you need to get out while you can.
I am sure you deserve better treatment. Four months are not a long time to arrive at such a state of arrogant behaviour
I mean I didn’t even know birth control really does that. But if you come off you will trap your self with him.
This is the real him! 3-6 months is when the facade begins to drop in dating. People who can put on a great face to hook you start showing their true colors.
Dump him. He’s making excuses and doesn’t respect you
Dump his ass. Get yourself a real caring man who’s not gonna judge you ! Love you for who you are. Don’t settle because it’s available. Settle when it’s real. Good luck. Single m here. 🤗💕
This is my advice. People put on a show to land a date. I don’t care what anyone says. You put your best clothes on , best perfume . You are your best self because you want to impress your date. Okay cool. So the first couple dates were fairytale kind of times, now that they already have you and see you are really interested in them they slowly show you their true selves because they are comfortable now. Okay so the whole it’s work thing is BS , I know people do let others affect them and take it out on their loved ones. But, If this is an everyday thing then it is something else , whether or not they admit it. As for the birth control , I don’t think he was intentionally trying to make you feel bad , he probably was only tryna be funny . If you expressed your feelings about it and how it made you feel , and he continued to act that way after, then he is the problem. If he cannot sit down and have an adult conversation with you , then you should leave. No one should feel as if they have to disregard their feelings , if they have to beg to be heard or feelings considered or have to force relationships to work. Yeah so my advice is to ask him to have a serious conversation with you and also if there was never a clear understanding as to what the relationship is. A lot of people assume because you are seeing someone and continue to see them , that you automatically dating. One person could feel that way and the other because you never officially said hey this is what it is and we exclusive , will think y’all just friends with benefits.
because of the birth control pills you *had* to take because of *him*? you absolutely just had to?
Leave, he won’t get better. Consider therapy, don’t stay with someone who love bombs you. Please protect your energy.
Dump him!
1. You don’t take birth control for NOBODY but yourself.
Love bombing is one of the biggest red flags 🚩 from a beginning relationship. Now, he’s turning arrogant… in 4 MONTHS?!?! It’s only going to get worse. Dump him. If he’s acting like this now? It’s going to get worse. I promise.
I honestly don’t think it’s as simple a a red flag dump him.
The guy that says all the right things has practised and says the same to all the girls, usually a love bomber, who can lie and put on an act until you have his baby or marry him! Then you’re trapped.
If you want a long term relationship, that attitude of one or two red flags isn’t going to work, as I’m sure we all have some. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment…
But, I think the question is, has he commented on your weight before? He said he told you, you were eating a lot of food. Did he?
1. If he did, and you didn’t say anything then let him know how you feel about it. Forgive but don’t forget! He does it again and he is just testing the boundaries, he needs to keep it moving.
2. If he didn’t say anything before, then I genuinely think he thought he was being funny. Ain’t got no game. Tell him how you feel now and as above. Forgive but dont forget.
3. If he did say something about your eating before, probably in jest, but not! And you told him he was a fool for saying that, then that message is a red flag. Two strikes and your out, he needs to go!!
Sometimes the awkward idiots who have no game are the diamonds in the rough because he hasnt got the game for anyone else, honesty is key in any relationship unless you would rather be lied to.
Nowadays there is a lot of diagnosis on individuals who are all troubled the same way we all are. If he continues to make you feel bad about yourself, particularly when you have set boundaries, then keep it moving and find someone else….but don’t just write people off for one comment, when we have all said the wrong things sometimes. You know how you feel, so if it’s too much and this is just an example.m of other types of behaviour. Then run like the wind!
Good luck!!
Total douche!! Run! Now. While you still can. Js
Yeh it’s a hard NOPE. His response sounds mean and disrespectful, you deserve someone better.
Leave him and find a guy who appreciates you
You need to drop him like a bad habit without even thinking about it twice. Even if it were true, there are some things that you don’t say and things that you do say you are very careful about how you say them but as far as for what you should say now, tell him to kick rocks or however, you want to tell him bye, and don’t worry about his feelings.
Dump him. End of story.
This sounds like it requires a serious discussion with them. Tell them, if they’re not willing to take this seriously, then you’re thinking of splitting up.
They may just be getting too comfortable around you and are slipping into the single mindset that they’re all they need to think about.
Run , run now
F*** ’em: He doesn’t know s***, he’s not a good communicator and he’s not empathetic… and he certainly doesn’t value when someone is making sacrifices For Him; let the door hit him on the way out.
It doesn’t sound like he cares about your feelings. Take that for what you will. Actions, and what someone says casually, mean a lot more than anything else.
Yes this is a red flag and you should really break up with him that’s insulting you honestly deserve better he honestly sounds like an asshole.
He still not ready to settle down
Don’t you want to surround yourself with people that are actually helpfull and positive ?
Take this as an indicator on how he acts when some problems arise in the future.
You want someone that’s constructive, helpfull, empathic and fun !