I value a lot of solitude, independence, and alone time; society and science say people are happiest when socializing, hooking up, etc. I value a lifestyle of regular 6-week plus trips abroad to countries with entirely different cultures because I crave the novelty of other foods, traditions, and ways of life; most people say you should grow out of extended trips by my age (33), settle down in one location, and save money.
I work for myself remotely and have zero aspirations to climb any sort of corporate ladder. If I can earn enough with what I do to support my lifestyle, then the idea of six figures or becoming a leader doesn’t hold any attraction for me…most ambitious people are out there becoming lawyers, actuaries, and climbing to the peak of their professions. I don’t even want to own property, yet owning a home is regarded as having “made it” as an adult in my country.
I just feel so different in terms of what I like and value in life that sometimes it gets me down. Because when you go against what’s conventional it feels even harder to accept who you are.
I guess I’d appreciate some advice here.
8 comments
I was raised to be aware of how much society influences our behaviors, and so learned to question why I should do x, y, or z. If there was a good answer, great. If not, why would I do it?
If it makes you happy, who really cares what others think (which is ultimately what this comes down to)? Going a step further, traveling regularly is very much viewed as “making it” to many people. I personally approach work in terms of “making enough money to do things I love.”
I think what you are doing is fine, that you are still young, and hope you enjoy your life and prosper doing what you love. Perhaps one day another will join you, your interests will change, or society will, but for now enjoy what you can enjoy.
Basically, you do you and you learn to feel validated by doing you.
A lot of what modern society beats into your head from a young age is tied into participating fully in whichever economic system your country follows.
Owning a house IE owning capital, nice cars, various displays of wealth, etc have been beaten into a lot of our heads globally as measures of success. If you grew up in poverty, or even working poor, you may have spent at least some portion of your life fantasizing about having things that were inaccessible to you, which can paint folks’ own subjective measure of success within the context of their economic system, as well.
I’m trying to be careful not to shit on various economic models or shit on people’s own measures of success, because most of that is subjective and if someone feels validated by owning a house or a nice car, well, that’s them doing what makes them happy.
It also is important to keep in mind that even having this particular issue holds an inherent level of “mainstream” success within it: you work a job that allows you the freedom to work for yourself, remotely, and afford 6 week + trips abroad and it is so normalized within your life you are finding reasons to feel down about it. You don’t have the time or resources to be down about this sort of stuff if you aren’t at least somewhat successful in a traditional sense.
That being said, just own it. Most of the metrics society is built up on is, at least in some parts, vapid consumerist bullshit. If you get more personal satisfaction and happiness out of floating around, float around. If you are feeling like you’re going against what is conventional, find a community to hang out around that finds mainstream society unconventional, and you’ll start feeling like you belong more.
There is all sorts out here living their own version of their best lives: hobos hopping trains, boondockers, the tiny home movement, long distance hikers, surfers that follow the swells around the world, people working in perpetual seasonal gig jobs in multiple states so they can go mush dogs on a glacier in Alaska over the summer, musicians and artists who aren’t huge but earn enough to get by with their craft.
TL;DR – If you find what you are doing and how you are living is fulfilling and it brings you happiness, so long as it isn’t hurting someone else, just keep doing that and shit on what society tells you are proper measures of success. Life is waaaay too short for that type of nonsense.
I’ve always been different and honestly it’s more often hard than it is rewarding.
I’m 41 and childfree, travelled around the world with my partner, am very insightful (or so people tell me) and just not good at any of the things a ‘normal’ guy is good at (sports etc).
I’ve always felt like an outsider looking in on life. No close family and just always had a hard time feeling like I fit in.
In the end, I don’t even think the feeling different is what impacts me negatively, it’s a lack of a caring family that understood and supported me that impacts me and will always impact me negatively.
I’m glad you at least understand what you want/value, many people who grow up as outsiders never find this out as they have no guide to even find out what they want and like and where the people they relate to are.
I lead a similar lifestyle. After years of trying to fit in, I realized that it’s much more comfortable to be genuine. I ended up retaining people in my life who accepted me for who I really am. Would recommend.
Do your thing. Sounds like you are living the life you want.
I had a vasectomy in 2011 at the age of 30, no kids. Never married, live alone. I ride my bike daily as exercise and meditation and get all the social interaction I need with my weekend cycling group. My path is not for everybody but it works for me.
Find your path, embrace it.
You gotta understand that you are responsible for your own happiness. What’s good for one person isn’t going to be great for the next.
You’re the only expert on you and it sounds like you’re in a spot where you’re comfortable and happy. Live your best life, who cares what society “wants” you to do.
One of my friends work full time for a major corporation and makes 6 figures.
I work part time and make probably 60-70% of his income.
I envy his work from home six figure job. He envies my free time and freedom to do seemingly whatever whenever.
It’s all relative.