Me (35m) and my girlfriend (37f) have been in a relationship for over 6 years and have a daughter together. Now it all starts falling apart and I can’t handle it. I love both of them, but my girlfriend has lot all interest in me, mostly because of my past behavior over the years.
I have a impulsive disorder where I get aggressive, mostly verbal (I didn’t ever hit her or threatened to). I never meant to hurt my girlfriend’s feelings, but apparently i did that a lot over the years. She said she tried to tell me how she felt, but I just pushed her away or didn’t take her serious. That could even be true. I never noticed how she felt. She hardly ever showed any sign of sadness. She kept it all inside and I’m very bad at judging people’s feelings.
Now that I’ve realized what I’ve done, it seems to be too late. She wants to breakup or at least change the living situation to where we both have our own place – but no guarantees that we remain a couple after that.
We’re going to couple therapy and I also started to see a therapist to help me with my emotional outbursts. Yesterday we had a couple therapy session in which my girlfriend expressed her wish to move to separate apartments. That tore my heart apart, especially after I thought things we’re slowly improving.
Since yesterday I can’t handle my saddes anymore. When I see our daughter I start crying because I’m so afraid of loosing them both. The feeling of sadness was so strong, I wished my life would just end. Even put a knife to my wrist, but didn’t do anything.
Today is a bit better, but I’ve lost most of my will to continue with my life. Talked to my girlfriend about fixing the relationship again, but she was barely willing to talk about it.
TD;LR My relationship is falling apart and the sadness makes me fall apart too. How can I fix this?
2 comments
It’s good that you’re seeking therapy, but you need to understand that your girlfriend’s feelings are valid and you need to take responsibility for your past behavior.
First, you have to focus more on addressing your impulse and aggression problems. I get why your question is how to fix your relationship, but that’s not solely up to you. It is entirely in your court to address your emotional regulation and behaviors.
What were you doing about your known impulse disorder before? Did you only start therapy once it cost you your relationship? Were you not worried about being aggressive with your child? Or could you control that, but you didn’t control your aggression with your SO?
You should also talk to your therapist about your suicidal ideations. I don’t know if they are affected by your impulse disorder, but either way, you should work on coping tools in therapy.
What’s probably happened is your gf has already mourned the loss of the relationship. That’s why she’s ready to move on. The relationship has worn her down and she’s ready to start a new chapter. You are just starting the mourning period. So it’s normal that you are in a different place than her about accepting the end.
As far as your relationships go, you should work towards being the best co-parent to your soon-to-be-ex and the best parent to your daughter going forward. If you make everything about “how do I win my partner back?” you’re going to lose sight of what’s realistic and right in front of you.