my friend usually doesnt text me first . she always responds to my messgs but still doesnt txt first , i mean she does sometimes but mostly its a no . which makes overthink it bcz if she doesnt like talking to me she wouldnt even answered idk maybe she doesnt . i just feel and have the urge to show my love and care , is it worth texting her idk . i always have this feeling of annoying ppl idk . can sm help .
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i also had a friend like that, a good friend, i told her about it and she didnt really think much about it, 1 day i just stopped texting and now we havent seen or spoke to each other for yeaaaaars
If you want your friend to text you first then find topics that she likes. Once you start talking about those then she will call you definitely
Sometimes the impulsive response is to stop texting everyone and see who texts first. You may get radio silence for a while, not because you are neither loved nor appreciated, but because patterns have been set. It takes a long time to form or break habits.
One thing to consider is that friendship doesn’t have to be reciprocal in the same ways. If you enjoy someone’s company or want to share something with them, text and move on. Don’t count the minutes it takes or wonder if they approved.
Some of my friends and I respond weeks later because life gets busy. (Sometimes we confirm the message and tell each other we’ll get back to them.) I have many friends that I don’t hear from every day or every week, but we pick up where we left off when we eventually connect.
If she doesn’t respond right away or at all, give her a breather and try not to analyze it. If it’s something urgent where you want or need a quick response, say so and put a clock on it.
For example, you could say: “I am thinking of going to to event x and I don’t want to go alone, but I need to know by tomorrow if you are interested” or “I want your feedback on this before a meeting on Tuesday if you have time.”
You may want to get more active and add to your friend base. You may always have this good friend, but it’s great to have back up. If she’s just stringing you along, you may know quite quickly once you stop texting so frequently. Either way, you’ll be fine since she has set a pattern of not texting you, and you have a pattern of checking in. Find your people who value check-ins!❤️
People are different. Some people rarely text unless texted. A lot is the anxiety of being the first to text.
I am a texter, many of my friends are not, but some text more than I do. You are a texter.
Some people are planners, some people wait for others to plan things. Some friends of mine would rarely get out of their home without me planning something. Others are always inviting me to do things.
My mom taught me this. She showed me how she could send a text to 30 friends and acquaintances saying “I’ll be at this restaurant for lunch next Saturday at 1pm, come join if you want!”
Come Saturday, anywhere from 2 to 20 other people would show up for lunch.
Most people can’t plan anything socially, and often feel awkward being the first to text. So be the texter and be the planner.
Some people on Reddit will encourage you to stop texting until they say something but I honestly don’t think this is worth it. If they are otherwise a good friend and put in a lot of effort and attention into interactions, I wouldn’t let this type of friendship die so easily.
I’m not the best with texting but it’s not because I don’t like talking to my friends. I just don’t have a lot of things to share that’s worth sending over text. But I’m always happy to text in response to something they want to share with me
Is it hard for her to start a conversation? I asked cause I sort of have the habit of waiting for the other person to start the conversation. Its sort of a challenge. Lol
I mean it depends because Some people are not really texters yet are better in person or on a call, but as a friend who’s been there she’s most likely not interested, just have to discern what kind of friendship you have with this person. don’t stress it too much because people come and go and i’m sure your still young you have yet to meet all the people that will love you 🥰
Don’t allow the “if they don’t care cut them out, if they cared they’d text” responses make you feel like you need to lose a friend. I have friends that I’ve had for over 20 years, we don’t text as much. Matter of fact we both leave each other on read alot. We’re just busy and not really texters. We make plans to hang out and we follow through, when together it’s as if we just talked for a whole week even through we could go a year without contact. It’s healthy to check on each other as well if you know they could be going through something. It’s as another person mentioned here. Some people just aren’t texters and planners, that’s OK, you can be the tecter and planner. Good friendships aren’t worth dissolving over low communication. Unless it’s been stated they don’t really enjoy hanging and talking, you never know the sutiations people can be going through.
Don’t text them for 2 weeks. See what happens
I’m the friend who doesn’t text first. I’m pretty hyperactive, neurodivergent, a different sense of humor.
So even if we’re close, I’ll wait for them. 🤪😜
Some people are initiator and some are more of a responders.
Some people don’t text things because they don’t know what to text and think they might be annoying or bothering you.
I suck at starting the texting because i feel like i would bother the other person.
Heck, i barely post a topic on reddit 99,9% of the time i comment on an already posted topic.
I need new friends….
im normally the one who gotta text first and honestly its fine 😭 i always think like this when im talking to a friend/my bf and sometimes i js gotta deal w it. I usually prefer hanging out irl than texting and i guess ur friend could feel that way? I agree with some other comments saying how u shouldnt js straight up drop them and maybe even talk to them abt it? I always feel like im annoying people but the best way to cure ur fear is communicating with them. more than half the time they probably js dont know what to say/THEY think their bothering u. its a small chance they actually think ur annoying them & if they do then u should just move on and stop texting them. they arent worth ur time
Idk that’s annoying unless there’s something else that she can do or has to make up for it. Like maybe she hosts parties and events but otherwise if it’s nothing screw it find new friends
Okay, full transparency, I am this friend.
I can go months without texting you, even years- but If you reach out to text me, I’ll still be excited to hear from you. If you wanna meet up in person, even better!
Thing is, there are people out there who may be caught up in their own worlds. They may care for you and love you like the world, but still not think about you. They may be swept up in what they do or don’t have, or may just have a fleeting memory because of all the responsibilities they got going on. You just never know.
But, there are different flavors of all kinds of people. Some people need attention to show you care and some people- their friendships transcend time and space. So you can go YEARS without talking and next time you see them, they still feel the same way about you.
Try not to take it to heart. You have your needs, yes- but it doesn’t mean she cares about you any less because she doesn’t reach out to text you first.
I had the same problem with my ex friend. We were like really close but he woudlnt text me first. When I asked him about it he said something like its not my thing. The sad thing is that he texted other friends first. I think that he just get bored? Idk. I dont know your situation but dont be sad about it.
What would happen if you didn’t contact them at all? Would there cease to be a friendship? Say like you did not text her for a year would she totally not hit you up? I’m wondering if you should go cultivate friendships with more reciprocal people. I’m not saying she’s not trying to drop you as a friend but there is a 50/50 chance that is happening. She’s at least not holding up her end. I would personally stop contacting her because I suspect she does not value you at the rate that you value her and that does not sound fair to you. Some people find it easier to let friendships dwindle through low effort rather than dropping the friend outright since she doesn’t actually dislike you and you haven’t done anything seriously wrong. It’s that it’s not a BFF connection. I have a friend I don’t want to stay friends with when I move in a couple of months because she does several irritating things but she’s done nothing truly horrible. I wouldn’t mind if I ran into her at school and she said hello. So I never text her first. I’d rather the association just dwindle but it’s not hostile.
You should look into law of assumption and change the story you hold of her.
I usually also don’t really text first either, not because I don’t like my friends, I do, but because I constantly feel like I’m being a burden or that people don’t want to talk to me or that I’m being annoying or saying something stupid.
One of my friends has even called me once to confront me about it, after not having contacted me for months herself. A weird friendship we have…
That could be your friend’s case too, she probably doesn’t dislike you given you saying she does answer your texts, maybe she’s just shy/lacks confidence to start conversations
And I know this isn’t an excuse for some people, but for some of us it’s really hard to maintain relationships because of this, we’re constantly scared of rejection. Maybe try talking to your friend about it, without confrontation but trying to help her see she can trust you and you’re willing to understand her point
She’s not your friend then