I’ve literally had people tell me straight up they won’t be good friends with me but they’ll be friends is it really to late at 22 I just want someone who cares I’m tired of shallow conversation It’s always me checking in on people it’s always me helping my friends with their problems it’s always me thanking my friends it’s always me inviting people it’s always me playing the therapist it’s always me giving the compliments I wish someone would help me i wish someone would ask if I’m ok, I wish someone would thank me for anything, I wish someone would ask me questions about my like, interest and big events but it’s always me asking about my friends trips to Vegas and comforting them when they tell me how shit it was but when I’m going homeless, getting laid off and getting bullied and harassed by former friends after going no contact with my family no one comforts me or when I tell them about how excited I am to start this new job or get a place they don’t ask me anything about it or when I mention my favorite show they don’t even ask about it they just talk about what they did I’m now at a point where I’m not toxic enough anymore to drive people away but I’m still missing something that draws people to wanting more then a surface level friendship I just want to be one of the boys to someone
2 comments
Aw duder…
It can be…overwhelming and disappointing. The deeper friendships, from what I’ve noticed, are the ones where you experience things together.
Commonalities. Issues. Events. Etc.
I’ve noticed the deeper you go through the trenches with someone, the closer you feel with them.
The more struggles you go through together, and come out of together- the stronger.
The more you experience together, the more connected you feel.
I need to write an article on how people pick their friends, some of the aspects they look for. (thanks I think you inspired me to do that!) Here are a few areas I’d look at:
**1. Self confidence** This is important because people won’t value you if you don’t value yourself. Obviously you don’t want to cross the line into arrogance either.
**2. Social energy** People connect based on positive emotion. So you need to bring some enthusiasm to your actions and conversations. Have some passion for: yourself, other people, Life Itself.
**3. WARMTH** Sometimes people can be cold or lukewarm as a matter of habit. But it’s the WARM people who get all the attention, all the interest, all the invitations.
Once I get my article together I’ll explain these things in more depth. Thanks for bringing up this topic, I think it’s a GREAT one that a lot of people could benefit from!