Why would someone react better to being treated worse?

34 comments

1. Maybe she sees your indifference as strength? Your cruelty as masculinity?

   I’ve, honestly, been experimenting with this in my life lately, and notice that women are treating me better when I ignore them and stopped being friendly to them. It’s seriously fucked up.

2. People accept the love they think they deserve.

   If someone has a low sense of self worth, and someone helps to defend that view by expressing a similar view of that person’s worth, we tend to latch onto that.

   Or…

   When a relationship is actually done, oftentimes one side becomes quite disconnected. What once would have made you angry, now doesnt make you feel much. You just dont care to deal with it. We get more emotionally involved when we do care, so a reaction even a negative one, shows that the other has at least some level of investment.

3. Some people are so used to being in turmoil and difficult situations that the moment things are going well they shut off and do not know how to react.

   Speaking from experience

4. Some women are just like that. Some men use it to their advantage when they see it, and it seems to work, but personally I avoid those kinds of women like the plague. I don’t want to have to treat someone like shit just to keep them. That’s not the path to a happy relationship long-term. It’s an exploit for short-term gains, nothing more.

   Human psychology is all sorts of fucked, yeah.

5. I dated a women like this in my early 20s. She was only nice to me when we argued or I was threatening to leave. She had a really fucked up and abusive relationship a year prior and her friends were not much better. Her past couple boyfriends had cheated and slept with her best friend, yet they were still best friends. She even tried to pull it on me. Basically everyone around her was abusive, and she was to a degree as well. It was her normal.

   Like a decade later, I introduced her to a friend of mine and they are happily going on their 3rd year of dating. People do heal.

6. People want what they can’t have. She’s seeing you slip away and, even if she’s not that into the relationship anymore, she doesn’t want to lose that.

   Regardless, probably best to move on.

7. Cowardly behavior with a valuable lesson learned.

   Men and women communicate differently. Men tend to prioritize content. Women tend to prioritize context (the medium is the message).

   Maybe you were displaying some kind of needy behavior and then when you stopped or started to prioritize things or yourself other than her. This communicates that you are not needy and as a result her attraction grew.

   Totally possible, required even, to date someone AND not be needy.

8. Is most cases it’s a trauma response, she probably doesn’t even realize it. In my experience it’s not so much that they aren’t interested in the relationship anymore so much as they’re dealing with somthing they think they have ti deal with alone and end up pushing you away as a result, so when you start doing the same they panick thinking they’re going to lose you and start over achieving. You’d be better off being an adult and sitting them down to talk about it. explain that you feel like they don’t want to be in this relationship anymore and that’s why you’ve been acting the way you have, have them talk about whats been going on so you both gain better insight, if communication and understanding on both sides cannot be achieved then simply break it off. It’s better to be honest than to play games, which unfortunately is what you are doing in this case.

9. Just break up.

   Treating her like shit isn’t cool. It’s the first step in abusive relationships.

   You both got comfortable and stopped actively showing contentment. Now the choices are some dickhead she knows or something completely unknown. Humans generally take the shitty situation they’re familiar with over a potentially worse situation. People stay in shitty jobs for the same reason. They haven’t got their breaking point.

   Don’t make both of you hit rock bottom before breaking up. Just fucking do it. She doesn’t like you more for being treated like shit, she’s just more scared of something worse. You’re the lesser of two evils right now; doesn’t necessarily make you a good choice.

   And this is not any sort of indictment on your actual character as a human. I know nothing about you outside of this post. Don’t be a shitty person.

10. Women will usually like a man better once he’s hurt them somehow. A badboy/daddy thing, I guess.

11. If I voice my actual thoughts, it will get me banned.

    Breakup with her. Show her some goddamn respect!!!

12. >So I started treating her worse in hopes she’d dump me instead.

    This is really immature behavior.

    Just break up with her. Don’t be an ass about it.

13. I’ve learned that if you’re not happy, leave. It’s the most fair thing you can do. Don’t put yourself through misery to see *what might be* create a door and walk through it and lock it and close it behind you.

14. Dude, don’t be a wimp. Break up with her. Treating her like garbage to get her to dump you is a coward’s move. You are mistreating someone because you are a coward.

15. Squeaky wheel gets the grease. When people are available with no sign of pulling away, people tend to take them for granted. Employees don’t get raises unless they hop jobs. Family members get taken for granted. Chores don’t get done until they’re urgent.

    You showed that you needed maintenance, so she started maintaining you.

16. Depends what you mean by “treating her worse”. If you have become distant and are withholding affection, she might be trying desperately to win it back. If you have been lashing out or creating more drama, she might be interpreting that as a sign that you actually care.

    Either way, it’s probably a trauma response on her part. And either way, you’re becoming an abuser and an asshole. Stop it, grow a pair, and end it clean.

17. That’s pretty toxic dude. Break up with your gf, don’t intentionally treat her poorly.

18. This just happened, I was mad at my girlfriend for not respecting a boundary I set with her so I was very stern. Not mean or derogatory but definitely more aggressive than I have ever been and all day yesterday and today I’ve been getting “babe” and “I love you” and she wanted me to spoon her last night before bed even tho she hates when I want to do it…women are interesting man

19. >I hate to dump people. So I started treating her worse in hopes she’d dump me instead.

    What a cunt thing to do.

20. Maybe just break up with her? Being horrible to someone because you’re a coward is kinda sh**.

21. >I hate to dump people. So I started treating her worse in hopes she’d dump me instead.

    ​

    stop

22. I know this may not have occurred to you, but you could just have a conversation with your SO, rather than treat them badly.

    Or break up so there’s at least clear communication.

    What you’re doing is guessing what’s going on in her mind, then deciding the fix for her potentially not being into the relationship is to make yourself someone no one ought to be in a relationship with.

    All because you’re enough of a coward to not have the conversation.

23. What the fuck man, show some respect and break up with her if you’re done. Treating someone bad in hopes that they’ll start the talk with you is pathetic.

24. Personally I have trouble being around super nice people for too long. I ain’t used to it and I feel pressured to reciprocate. I just need some sarcasm and some roasting to recharge

25. I noticed this in many of the women I dated in my teens/early-20s. So much so that I started to think it was a universal thing. I genuinely cared about these women, but was pretty unaware of my own abandonment issues from childhood; so I’d dote on them for awhile then they’d start to pull away and to keep them from leaving I’d start treating them poorly and they’d start to give me more attention/affection. So basically my abandonment issues met their attachment issues or vice versa and neither of us ended up having a good time bc we weren’t being true to ourselves.

    Bc I grew up in dysfunction, I was attracted to dysfunction.

    It took me blowing through a starter marriage, sobering up and a lot of therapy/trauma therapy to start seeking/having healthier relationships. But I can say with certainty it was absolutely worth it.

    My fiancé and I have a relationship with great communication, trust, and respect and I’ve never had to question whether she’s had my best interests in mind during the whole thing (and presumably vice versa).

26. >So I started treating her worse in hopes she’d dump me instead.

    Strangely she seems to like me even more now.

    This is not uncommon at all. Why do you think the bad boys having been getting laid so much since time immemorial? Fortunately, not all women are like this. Some just need to see a bit of indifference.

    There a bunch of theories that examine why this occurs and they look at it from an evolutionary standpoint. Some of it has to do with the male role model, or lack there of, she had growing up. There is also the simple proposition that she senses you pulling away and realizes that she does not want to lose you.

    I will say that you should not be in a serious relationship with a woman like this unless your natural inclination is to treat her badly. If you revert to your natural state she will eventually fuck you over or fuck some other dude.

27. She’s codependent. Once you distance yourself in some way she will come running. It’s toxic.

28. So you consciously decide to treat someone you are dating terribly?

    And you think that they have a problem?

29. It has nothing to do with being treated badly and has everything to do with boundaries, confidence, and unavailability. In the end, nobody respects someone who is “always available”, as it creates codependency. That’s not something you want in a passionate relationship. There needs to be that sovereign atmosphere.

30. Sounds like you were both just passively taking each other for granted, now your behavior has tipped her off that things are not good between y’all so she’s trying to warm things back up. Ball is in your court now, you can try to work it out or leave.

    On another note, next time just break up with her. This shit you pulled not only doesn’t work but it’s also cruel and just generally a cowardly, pitiful way to behave. Best of luck.

31. I know this isn’t the sub but you’re for SURE 100% the asshole.

32. It sounds like your manipulation is not working out how you had hoped.

    Be an adult and have a conversation. There is absolutely no excuse for treating your partner worse to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. That is manipulative and emotionally abusive.

33. INFO: could it have been a wake-up call for her? Also…and I can’t stress this enough…please don’t mistreat someone to make them leave. Just communicate.

34. People who treat you better when you treat them worse is because you are igniting past trauma responses. Don’t be a dick. Break up with her.