My bf (28m) and I (28f) were having s*x last night and in the heat of the moment I said he was the best I’ve ever had with no reciprocation. I felt embarrassed and ashamed afterwards even though I meant it and when I told him that I was embarrassed but meant what I said he made a joke about it… I’m heart broken, partly because my feelings werent reciprocated (which I understand no one has to feel the same way as I do and that’s okay and don’t hold that against him although it still hurts) and because it became a joke.
How do you get past saying something you feel and then feeling immediately ashamed by it? I now don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable and I hate this.
19 comments
It’s understandable that you feel embarrassed and ashamed about what you said during sex, especially if it wasn’t reciprocated in the way you hoped. However, it’s important to remember that expressing yourself and being vulnerable is a normal and healthy part of any relationship.
It’s great that you were able to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, even if he made a joke about it. It’s possible that he didn’t realize how important your statement was to you, and he may not have known how to respond in the moment. You could try talking to him again and letting him know how you feel, and how his response made you feel.
It’s also important to remember that being vulnerable takes courage, and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable at times. It’s important to practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to feel embarrassed or ashamed at times.
In the future, you could try practicing mindfulness or self-reflection to help you become more comfortable with vulnerability. It may also be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor about your feelings and experiences, as they can provide valuable guidance and support.
What do you mean, he made a joke about it? Maybe he was self-conscious about the compliment?
If you were sincere, it was a nice thing to say and I’m sure he’s flattered. Don’t feel ashamed for saying something personal, or for being vulnerable. No reason to. Other than that, let it go.
I told a guy (actually I said it a couple of times) that he’s the best I’ve been with. It was some awesome SexyTimes! and until this moment it never occurred to me that he never returned the compliment. Huh. Oh well! I’m pretty sure he enjoyed it.
Don’t worry about it OP.
You know why it’s a joke? cuz you have to say that, otherwise the guy will be destroyed. Guys know it but still believe their partner sorta..which is why it is funny. He can trust you but at the same time knows that you wont say something else…You want to test this theory? no need really, look at how bothered you are at thinking you are not the best he had..Feel free to tell the next guy his in in the top 5 and see how that goes. You will go right back to “your the best I ever had baby, nobody makes the biscuits and gravy like you do”, pretty quick.
Nothing to be ashamed about..If dude was the best then celebrate that dick, he will be happy with how well you are selling that ‘truth’
He may have made light of it and moved on because he has heard it before, which could mean:
He really is that good at it
It’s something people say to one another in the heat of the moment. It doesn’t necessarily have to be entirely true.
Either way, don’t overthink it.
In the heat of the moment there’s a fair chance his brain was turned off and his conscious was a million miles away. That or he just didn’t know what to say, I don’t think I would. I’m sure he’s happy about it, and that’s all that really matters, right? Turn up the hotness if you don’t like the thought that you weren’t his best.
Men that are amazing in bed know it, they are very aware that it’s rare for a man to be good in bed and they hear it from every woman they bang.
You just boosted his probably already big ego and now he’s all cocky about it.
You told him something in a moment of vulnerability and he made a joke about that; it’s understandable that you feel uncomfortable being vulnerable again in front of him. Was he unaware you had been feeling vulnerable? Did he make it into a joke because he wasn’t taking your sentiment as seriously as you hoped he would? Have you discussed how to best show support for each other when having these types of talks?
To be fair you wouldn’t normally reciprocate that, especially during sex. Like ‘you’re the best I’ve ever had’ sounds reasonably hot, ‘you too’ really doesn’t.
Just in my own head, I’d probably get overwhelmed trying to remember what I was doing right before you said that.
As a dude, this is a heavy thing to hear. I honestly would be embarrassed to hear it and would continue to feel that way.
But boy oh boy is that one hell of an ego boost.
My wife and I had this same thing happen, but we reciprocated.
I can totally see myself doing what he did and getting nervous and making it a joke. That’d only be because I wouldn’t have known what to say.
That’s just me though.
Shit! You just made me realize I tell my wife this all the time and she has never said the same back to me.
Why are you ashamed of an honest opinion?
Vulnerability is sexy. Lighten up.
I don’t understand why you should feel ashamed. You were merely stating the truth.
I’m pretty sure your bf appreciates the compliment as well.
Maybe he didn’t like that you were mentally comparing him… maybe he just felt awkward in the moment. I didn’t reciprocate my partner’s “I love you” when we started going out… and I felt really bad about it at the time and also tried to make light of it with jokes so I think the joking is more a defence mechanism. If it is bothering you that much maybe just ask him?
Because he is a man I’m gonna say he was too stupid to realize that this was an important thing to you. Most of us are often not a deep, We do not see sub text and He hasn’t thought about this In the way that you have.
Please don’t beat yourself up🫂 I hope he continues to be amazing And the key wises up that you have feelings too. Feel free to tell him when the embarrassment settles But seriously you’ll be okay.
So my bf and I had a recent conversation about it. He mentioned during sex that it was the best he ever had. Usually he’s doing all the work, I think he actually meant that he was the best he ever had, haha! Then he clarified; it’s because we love each other so much that our sex is so good together.
Are you perhaps feeling insecure that he doesn’t love you as much as you do him? Sex is different for everyone, and generally speaking it sometimes depends on gender as well. Some might say sex is just sex for men, women have somany more emotions during, before and after sex. I would definitely calmly bring this up with your boyfriend and just make it know how you feel about things. Your feelings are valid!
I mean, in the heat of the moment I think it’s normal to feel like it’s the best you ever had, especially when it is good, and even say it… But it doesn’t necessarily have to be taken literally as in the best, BEST.
Don’t be ashamed, and you very well could be the best he ever had, but he got way caught up in the idea of you being the best he ever had. Talk to him, not during sex. See what he has to say.