Whenever my partner comes to me with a rant or an issue that she’s facing, I usually just validate her and acknowledge everything that she says. And, I generally do not offer solutions unless asked to, and once I feel that the momentum of the conversation is slowing down, I feel there’s no need to discuss further and jump to another topic. Is this the right way?
My partner just told me that I don’t feel as deeply as she does, and I don’t put myself in her shoes. I should’ve continue the discussion or offered solutions. I don’t understand what I did wrong, because it was more of a rant.
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I think just have a genuine conversion. Speak honestly and upfront.
If it’s just a rant: “please get to the point!” I will listen to it without responding and forget it a second later once she finishes talking.
If it a real problem i look for solution. 20 years ago i told my wife: “unless you need a solution don’t bother me with the problem”. Work perfectly fine.
i just sit and listen. i don’t tell her how to feel, that her feelings are wrong, what to think or believe, or what decisions she should or shouldn’t make. i don’t offer advice unless she specifically asks for it.
i just listen.
i nod, or i’ll say “that’s totally understandable” or “i can see why you feel like that”, but that’s about it.
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>My partner just told me that I don’t feel as deeply as she does
that’s a pretty big judgment on her part. did that bother you? do you feel like she’s wrong for saying that about you?
It sounds like she is venting her frustration AT you now as opposed to WITH you.
It sounds like you did everything perfectly fine.
The magnitude of the situation is what is probably getting her to act this way, not your response.
But the best you can do is change your response as she asked. Give her help, she is asking.
I normally do as you said you did. But if my wife asks for more support I’ll absolutely help more than just being an ear to vent to.
I always ask “do you want me to listen, or do you want a solution” at the very beginning of the conversation.
i sit and listen, validate emotions and sometimes repeat stuff back in different wording/throw in my opinion briefly if i agree to show im listening and understanding. i tend to offer solutions off the bat and that’s not what everyone needs sometimes, so i usually will ask when they’re done if they want my opinions and/or my advice. if they want it, i’ll go over the problem/rant to make sure i’m understanding correctly, then say what i think they should do and why i think that. if not, i’ll paraphrase in a way what they talked about and throw in my thoughts, like “yeah it’s really fucked up they treated you like that” and offer sympathy and comfort. after i don’t feel like either of us have anything else to say, i ask if they want space or to talk about something else.
id say definitely comfort and share your opinion a little bit, validate how she feels when you can. then ask what it is she would like from you after she rants, and reassure that you’re able to give whatever it is whether it’s advice, opinions, comfort, etc. and that you’re listening, you just want to be there in a way she would want then and there rather than doing whatever you want. you may feel everything she feels deeply and empathize but if you don’t show it in a way she needs and understands, it’ll feel like you don’t to her. asking is important.
By asking her what’s wrong, by listening to her and by figuring out a solution.
I’ve seen people on previous similar threads saying they usually ask at their partner at the start if they want a solution or just to be heard. I guess it doesn’t hurt to try that though i guess many women will want you to figure that out without them telling you.
Women, am i right? /s
I’ll solve it, every time or talk through ways she could resolve it if I can’t directly. Now, this has gone against me over the years as I have to solve everything, I’m good at it but it’s not really productive at times. Now I’ve had to leave some things that don’t need my intervention. But next time it happens just before you’re about to change the conversation acknowledge how she felt. Example, ‘that’s shit babe, so you’ve had a pretty average day’. If I was guessing she can probably tell your keen to move on from it
Over years I came to conclusion that what I do does not matter much. There is always a way to take my responses in a bad way, it is up to her if she does it. I stay polite, keep my head low and accept the inevitable.
Holy shit this is why I don’t date anymore lol. All I’ve been reading lately is how women don’t want solutions and just want men to listen and hear them. We take this advice and do that word for word, and now it’s your fault for not offering solutions… God I don’t miss those lose lose scenarios of dating haha I’d just flat out ask her what is it that she wants? Then if you offer up solutions next time and she gets mad that you didn’t just listen, tell her to figure out her own problems and don’t bother you with them anymore cause you hate lose lose scenarios 😂
Lol you sound like a tool
Just ask her does she want answers or does she just want to vent?
This’ll solve your problems.