My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 8. We have an 8 year old and a 3 year old. She is a great wife and mother. We just sold our first house and bought our second and we are really happy with our lives. There is no thought of leaving the marriage, but we don’t have the same sex drive. If it were my choice, we would have sex every night. She wants it maybe every other week, but she’ll sometimes do it as often as once a week, but it’s mostly because I want it. I’ve always heard that women reach their sexual peak in their mid to late thirties. Is there hope for me that she’ll start to want it more, or am I forever destined to be in sync with her sex drive?
3 comments
You are likely to always be out of sync and as she gets older it may get worse. Also, many women have a responsive desire pattern where they just don’t want it spontaneously but will enjoy and respond when you initiate.
My sex drive went through the roof when I hit about 35. Partly, I think, because hormones change as you get older and partly because at that point, my kid was a bit older and required less full on attention. Mumming is hard work, not just the physical aspect of it but the mental toll on remembering everyone’s out of school clubs, thinking about lunch boxes, what days they need PE kits for school, who’s birthday party they’ve got to go to etc etc. On top of working, and taking care of the house and such i was just tired all the time. Something had to give so I just stopped thinking about myself, and my own fun and pleasure.
I have now rediscovered my sexuality, I am able to spend time on making myself feel good and look good so I have more confidence about having sex and do so every chance I get now!
I’m not saying this is the case for your wife, but this was my experience.
I don’t know how much you share household responsibilities, but maybe allowing her some time to indulge in some self care might help. Take her out. Make her feel special. Tell her how you feel about her, and show her how you feel about her in a non sexual context. That would be my advice.
It might improve, it might not.
I think reading a spicy book helps ignite things . For both partners. It might turn her on . And it might teach you how to be more of a turn on to her. Could also explore bdsm , take the carnal calibration quiz together. I know for me, being the one to take care of EVERYTHING in our family life , I needed my husband to be more dominant in our interactions ( flirting , and in the bedroom) . Having the woman be the boss of the house is a bit of a backwards power dynamic, which basically made me not want sex with him. Once he became more dominant , I became a puddle for him.