Im having a really hard time cutting this guy off..
I had been dating him for a few months last year. Things were going great until I noticed him becoming distant. I brought it up to him, and he admitted that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and blah blah blah. He said he wanted to stay friends. I agreed.
I thought staying friends was a formality, but he kept calling and texting me as if everything was ok. It was hard for me because I still liked him. We ended up in a fwb situation where we set boundaries that we were only sleeping with each other, but we would let the other know if we were pursuing someone else.
Fast forward a month or so later, he was showing me something on him phone, and I saw a text pop up from a girl with heart eye emojis next to her name. I asked him about it, and he said she was just a friend. He showed me my name on his phone, and I had heart eye emojis, too.
I ended up finding the girl on IG and realized that he had gone to visit her and he lied to me about it. I also recently learned that she came to visit him while we were dating, and she slept in his room while he slept on the couch, and he maintains that nothing ever happened.
I was hurt after this and decided to block him, but he repeatedly reached out with an apology that I thought was sincere. We started talking again recently and started hanging out. We were still having sex.
But two recent events have me at my wit’s end. He took me to go get sushi, but asked me to pay because he was short on money at the time. Later that night, as he was scrolling through his apps on his phone, I found that he had a dating app with notifications. He tried to say it was old, but I made him open it and I saw that he had an active profile that was recently made. He was talking to women on there and his profile was made with a fake name, fake height, fake age, and old pictures of him. He said he made it because he was lonely and bored and I wasn’t available.
I felt so sick and sad and hurt. I told him I was done, but then he called me the next day and I got sucked back in because he sounded so sincere. He said he isn’t focusing on dating or women anymore. Just himself. And that I should give him a chance to make it up to me with his actions. I know I have allowed him to keep hurting me. I know I need to cut him off, but I feel bad about possibly hurting his feelings. Isn’t that crazy?
I keep thinking about hoe nice and sweet his is, even though his actions haven’t shown that.
I need help as to how to move past him and jot worry about his feelings or his sadness. How do I move on?
Tl;dr: I have been dealing with this guy who hasn’t been treating me the way I like. Don’t know how to set boundary with him and afraid doing so may hurt his feelings.
6 comments
Cut him off. Block him on everything. It sounds so simple but can feel so difficult.
This guy does not care about hurting your feelings so why care about hurting his? If you let him continue stringing you along, you are going to feel hurt when he decides he is ready for a relationship with a girl he tells you not to worry about.
The dating app with the old photos is also a MAJOR red flag. Run for the hills.
You’ll find a guy that will treat you 1000x better than this one. If you keep giving yourself to him; you’ll never find that person. Wish you the best of luck
Protecting your feelings is JUST as important as protecting his. He’s stomped on yours, so you’re officially free to not care anymore.
This sort of thing gets easier with practice. Channel your inner Mean Girls, hold your head high, and do what needs to be done. I promise he’ll be ok.
He may be charming, but he’s not nice or sweet, he’s an asshole.
It sounds like you’re one of a few different women that’s fallen for his facade. I think he’ll be okay
He wants the booty time, but no strings attached and he’s showed again and again that he is on the market looking. He’s good at seeming like he is regretful, but the only thing he regrets is being caught, in fact I don’t even think that’s the case anymore because he obviously doesn’t even put any effort into trying to hide it, it is just to easy to convince you of something I don’t even understand. He is giving you crumbs and you are settling for it and he won’t stop until you put an end to it. It’s not that he wants to hurt you, he just doesn’t care if he does.
So what are you gonna do about it?
In addition to all the nonsense he’s doing with you, he’s catfishing women on dating sites for fun. Is this a person who is worried about anybody else’s feelings?
Don’t waste time fucking people who don’t know what they want.
He’s keeping you as his moon, constantly orbiting him while he chases the suns. You’re a backup, a reserve, a plan b.
Get angry, DELETE his contact information. Don’t give yourself the Option to Contact.
Do you want a serious relationship? Do you want a monogamous relationship? He isn’t going to give you either of those, even if you decide to have kids and get married.
Wait for him to do something that annoys you and get yourself angry. Get your friends to hype you up, get strangers to hype you up. Get angry enough to cut him off completely and then move on. Don’t ever try to stop the momentum, and don’t backtrack on your decisions. You don’t take back what you say or regret what you do.
(Please don’t do anything illegal because he’s not worth any time, let alone jail time)
He isn’t your problem, and your feelings matter most to you. Don’t waste your time fucking him when he doesn’t want you.