We’re both 19yo and we’re fine with getting up to sexual shenanigans. The problem lies in penetration. I’m not packing a meat missile by any means. She’s a virgin where I am not. When we try to get the little guy in there she says it hurts too much. I tell her it’s normal and all of our friends say the same. I think the most I’ve gotten in was about half. She breaks down almost every time it fails to go all the way in. She thinks she’s “broken” and pathetic. I reassure her that it’s fine and I’m going to wait as long as she needs me to. I don’t think it’s a physical/medical issue. I personally think it’s a mental thing. I don’t like to talk on her behalf but she was molested by an older cousin (a girl cousin) when she was younger. I spoke to some friends and colleagues but they say it’s probably just not enough lubrication or she’s just scared. Lubrication is not the issue. Cause A: we use lube every time and B: she’s a fuckin slip n slide down there (not complaining about that). I told her we can either go to a doctor to see if it’s a medical thing like Vaginismus, or, we can talk to a therapist. I tell her it doesn’t matter to me whether it goes all the way in or not cause I’m sexually satisfied but most importantly I’m just happy to be with her. Any advice or suggestions are welcome. Thank you for taking your time to hear our plight.
6 comments
> I tell her it’s normal
It’s not.
Pain is the bodies way of telling you something is wrong.
Seems like you are doing all the right things already. I had a partner who also got molested in her childhood and I was her first. We had similar struggles at first, we took our time with her, and I reassured everything was great and its alright. After some time she got more comfortable with the idea of sex and loosened up, in a literal way.
I don’t think the lube is a problem and probably not even necessary. Is she getting more relaxed after some time doing it or is she stressing herself out because she gets uncomfortable? Did you try doing long foreplays, maybe trying to loosen her up with some oral play?
I’d recommend her seeing a gynecologist or female urologist (pelvic floor specialty). They can identify what may be wrong, and possibly refer to a pelvic floor PT.
This will improve her life long term.
The last thing she needs is to think there is something wrong with her. A first time is not always easy for women and often is prompted by feelings that there is an expectation. Keep reassuring her that she can have as much time as she needs. Try to take away any pressure or anxiety that she may have about you wanting it. Assure her that you want it to be a positive experience for both of you and ask her what she needs and what you can do to help her feel more comfortable. Try only pleasuring her for a while. Focus on oral for her and don’t let her feel like she needs to reciprocate. Let her have the feeling that she is what is important in this situation.
Dildo!
I (18F)can deeply relate to the molestation part. It can take a toll on your sex life. I’m not gonna get into much detail but I think you should ease her mentally/ emotionally. I find that it truly helps.
And If it’s not a mental/ emotional thing, see your doctor and make sure everything is alright. ♥️