I met that guy at the beginning of January and we really hit it off, seeing each other multiple times a week, going to the restaurant, sleeping at his place, … He even invited me to a bar where his friends and he were having a beer.
Because we were seeing each other pretty often, I told him that I had canceled the dates I had planned with other guys I was seeing, and I know he wasn’t seeing anyone else either, but we had not spoken about defining what we were to each other.
In February he went to his home country for 3 weeks and the texting decreased but that was not a problem for me as our timezones were different and he had not seen his family in more than a year.
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However, when he came back to my city, I was a bit taken aback by his distance, where his texting was dry and we were spending 6/7 days without seeing each other (which could have been okay if at least our texting conversations were engaging). So after 2 weeks I told him I was a bit annoyed, that he was distancing himself and I wasn’t feeling too good about it. He apologized, said he hadn’t done it on purpose, invited me for a coffee, etc… so that was great.
But alas, after that, his texting was dry again. My intuition was that he was not really into me anymore and I wanted to make sure of it so I didn’t text him for a week, to see if he’d want to text me. He didn’t.
Just to make sure he was okay, I texted him and he left me on read. So the day after, I told him we should stop seeing each other for a while because even though I had really liked some moments with him, lately I was feeling rejected and not appreciated and I’d rather leave him on his own than being a deadweight or an obligation for him.
He replied apologizing, that he had been sick and that he was scared I was mad because he hadn’t contacted me during the week, so in the end the whole thing snowballed in his head and that’s why he hadn’t texted. I told him that I had imagined he could have been sick and I wished he was getting better, but that it seemed that he was not as emotionally available as I had thought.
Anyway, he agreed on the fact that we should not see each other for a while (which is probably an understatement).
I am feeling doubtful as to whether or not I did well to end things with him as I could feel his interest fading. I feel I wanted to protect myself and not take the risk of being rejected. At the same time, a full week of no texting is a long time if he really liked me.
What do you think?
5 comments
Most guys don’t have as much dating experience as the women they date at the age of 30. Seems like he got anxious and was also afraid of rejection.
Maybe try sending him a voice note asking him to give yourselves another shot (if you think there’s something worth pursuing). Tell him a voice note conveys so much more than a text ever could.
And prepare for rejection and for acceptance.
I think it’s a little harsh and insulting to call him emotionally unavailable for what seems to be a miscommunication.
Bring your feelings to him and talk it out
I think you did the right thing. He clearly wasn’t making much of an effort to move the relationship forward. You’ve been dating for what, three months? Complacency *this early* in dating seems like a pretty bleak forecast for the future. If he isn’t proactive now, when you should both be in the honeymoon phase, you can probably expect even less commitment after the initial novelty wears off. Find someone who reciprocates your level of interest; someone who does so voluntarily, without solicitation from you.
i think you did the right thing. really what y’all agreed to is a “break”. i wouldn’t coin this as a definite breakup yet, but don’t put your hopes into it anymore.
if it’s not fulfilling to you, that’s all that matters. if he doesn’t know how to make time for someone who’s clearly wanting more, then it’s totally okay for you to do what you did. he doesn’t sound emotionally available based off of your description.
can i ask how did u have the courage to end it, how do you know whether to wait it out or not?