So this is a really weird post and probably not the right place for this so apologizes in advance, but I would appreciate any tips for those of you who likely have more experience.
I have absolutely zero experience with all things romantic, sexual, etc.
My whole life so far I’ve been fairly overweight and extremely socially awkward. Shy, unable to talk to people, let alone boys, but in the last year my life changed around a good bit (Not complaining) and I’ve realized I need to grow up a lot. I was a bit of a loner as a teenager and in my early 20s, the ugly duckling. Once upon a time I used to be terrified of guys and could never speak to them.
I got a job in hospitality so I interact with people every day, my interaction skills came around hugely, I’m able to talk to people and enjoy it instead of being an awkward quiet mouse, I’ve lost a ton of weight, my skin improved, my general appearance improved. I’ve also invested a lot of money into my appearance, etc, and it’s visible. My clothes, hair, nails and makeup, etc. I’ve bought a lot of those things for myself because I enjoy a bit of self care and for once it finally became nice to spend some money on things I like.
A lot of people in the last few months have commented on how much I’ve changed, I’ve seen people who I knew once upon a time looking at me differently, but as shallow as it sounds I’ve noticed it with men the most. Both on my personality (which I can see) and my looks (I can’t see as much)
I know this is extremely weird so I really don’t know where to start but essentially I’ve noticed that since I’m able to carry conversations with them better, I’m not as intimidated by people, etc, men look at me differently than what I’m used to. Most people would enjoy that and while I’d like to enjoy it, I’m not used to it to do so. I just find it very weird and uncomfortable. I’m so used to men giving me a once over and clearly being repulsed that I just can’t get comfortable with the other way around. They smile a lot more, are more inclined to do things for you and are more likely to initiate a conversation. I also find they’re not as fake, not fake in a mean way but being fake to be nice. I don’t know if it’s appearance or not because I am still a bit overweight but just not as fat as I once was, but I know for certain my personality has changed a lot. People say I’m prettier than usual, can’t see it much.
Does anyone have absolutely any basic tips to get more used to this? I really want to enjoy it, this is the first time this has happened in my life (I’m 27, so embarrassing), people YEARS younger than me have experience and I don’t. Where do I get started with interacting with men? Any advice from experience?
I missed out on so much everyone else my age has experience with from teenage years and early 20s, etc so I’m just clueless and I don’t want this to hinder something that should be an exciting time of my life. I’m not looking for a relationship or anything, but just some basic things I need to know for interacting with guys, the kind of thing people get used to when they’re kids / teenagers, not nearly 30 year olds.
Fellow girls, advice appreciated please!
2 comments
Sorry, guy here. I hope this isn’t a validation question but here I go.
1. Get to know people. Obviously, you’ve already done that but it’s goes a little bit further than that. You want to find out what is the current status of your male friends relationships. This is problematic for people because we lie faster than we breathe if we could get away with it. So if they say they’re single, take it with a grain of salt.
2. Everyone has kids. And I goddamn mean everyone. Good looking guys have kids, regular looking guys have kids, ugly guys have kids. If you don’t want to have to deal with the possibility of having another person’s child in your life, you’re going to have to find out.
3. Dating classes. Humanity has never really mastered the art of dating. It used to be a trade for centuries and recently things began to shape up. But in the blink of an eye (time wise) people became interested in flings and fuck the consequences. So if you’re going to date, be careful about what the person is asking you to do. Make sure you’re safely prepared for anything and everything and if you’re not sure, check with the hospital. Also, don’t go alone. I’d say don’t drink period but instead keep an eye on your drink. Don’t be pressured to take anything that could inebriate your cognitive abilities and be wary of your surroundings.
4. Safe Zones. Unfortunately, there’s worse things out there than sexual consequences. Men are have been known to be abusers more often than not and some women have never experienced it before. Abuse comes in many ways and not just the conventional verbal or physical. Not to mention, there are worse people out there that makes abuse seem like a good option. Murderers who like to go after defenseless females are still around so it’s prevalent that you keep some form of defense that can aid in your escape. Stay in well lit areas and know the area where you’re going.
5. And above all else, despite all the things that could happen, please understand that the guy who is lucky to be with you is a generic guy. He’s got his own set of problems and his own set of challenges he’s facing in life but to him, all of that pales in comparison to you. Enjoy the date, and much success to you in your endeavors.
Don’t sleep with them too early (as in, make sure the decision is yours and you would be “okay” with them ghosting afterwards because it was something you wanted to do). Take everything they say with a grain of salt. Date around and a lot. Many men can be disingenuous and are only as nice as what you can give them.