Gf says she’s not mentally ready for sex, how do I help?

7 comments

1. As soon as you followed, “I’m trying to give her as much space and time as she needs,” with, “*but,*” you were in the wrong.

   You don’t rush her into sex, period, the end. You help her by constantly reinforcing that you will give her all the time and space that she needs, no exceptions or loopholes, and no pressure on her.

2. There is no “but” to giving someone “space” and “time”. You putting any pressure or continued discussion into it after she said she needed space and time means you are in the wrong.

   You may not be compatible if you’re unwilling to wait for her to be ready to pursue a sexual relationship, as it could be some time. You also might not be mature enough to give her that time so then you need to move on rather than pressuring her. The way this reads is you think your needs should be more important than her healing from a past trauma and thats a very immature and selfish way of thinking. You won’t ever be a good partner with that line of thought. Don’t damage her further by pressuring her before she’s ready. Thats considered rape.

3. Wait for her

4. you dont

5. To be fair, a couple months of dating is not long. I do know it’s difficult though when you have a high libido. You have to ask yourself if you’re willing to wait, and if you do wait, you can’t put that on her or resent her later for it.

6. I will add yes I was in a similar situation with a man who was highly religious and wasn’t sure if he wanted to wait until marriage, I waited a year but ended up breaking it off for that, amongst other reasons. I wasn’t going to let him put the blame on me for his religion-based torment. Of course that part is different from her just being uncomfortable

7. You wait. You cannot pressure her. If she isn’t ready, end of story. You can leave the relationship if you don’t want to wait.