Anyone have any quick remedies for haemophilia and syphilis? Asking for a friend?

11 comments

1. I’ve heard oregano works. Or windex.

2. Pilgrimage to Canterbury Cathedral. Repeat as necessary if symptoms persist.

3. My boy, your blood is simply impure. A few more generations of incest and your descendants will be right as rain.

4. Small amounts of mercury will help with the syphilis. Just ignore that it is a toxic heavy metal.

5. Definitely lead

6. Leeches, of course.

7. Drink water, take a few motrin and change your socks

8. If your friend has already tried bleeding without effect, I would send him to the apothecary to pick up some arsenic and hemlock.

   Follow the regimen fully and don’t skip any doses. There may be some unpleasant side effects, but these are normal. Continue until all rash and open sores have healed.

   Best of luck. I hope “your friend” makes a speedy and full recovery.

9. Bleed the patient with leeches and advise them to wear a cover over over eye so they don’t spread it to others.

10. A visit to the coast for some fresh ocean air!

11. If you allow an illiterate Siberian monk to feel up your daughters, apparently that knocks syphilis right out.