My wife and I have been married for a little over a year now, and things are going great for us relationship-wise. Where I feel stuck is with my job. I currently work in a place that has abnormal hours that are only bound to get worse. It is my field of choice and what I went to school for, but the hours really are bad sometimes. More specifically, I’m likely going to start working Saturdays again.
Where the problem comes in is, my wife also works. She works from home on a mostly regular schedule. Never weekends. So with me working odd hours and likely weekends again, she’s upset with that, understandably so. With both of us working, me working weekends is just less time we get to see one another.
Now the other side to this is, with my schedule change also came a big raise, 17%. My wife actually makes more than me still (much more in fact), and will be making even more as well come next summer. So while we aren’t hurting for money, we do have debts to pay off and want to save for a house, so the extra money helps alot.
What’s more, I can technically work my job anywhere (albeit for likely lower pay). She can work from anywhere as well, because she works from home. And she doesn’t want to be in the city we’re in anymore. Neither do I, but it’s not as big of a deal to me.
This is all to say, I am feeling very guilty. I feel guilty taking away time I can spend with my wife. and I feel guilty for feeling like I’m the one forcing us to stay here due to my relatively high pay. It doesn’t always feel worth it. I don’t resent my wife at all for how I feel, it’s not her fault she misses me and is faced with the prospect of seeing me less. Plus she makes more money than me, so the onus on bringing in money is less on me, making my change in schedule that much more annoying.
My point of view is, we don’t have kids, we don’t have a home, so we should take this opportunity of good pay in a crappy city to pay off our debts faster and maybe move in 18 months ish, give or take. If my wife had it her way, we’d move tomorrow, or at the very least before the end of the year.
So I feel like I’m stuck. Not really looking for advice, just venting.
8 comments
Money comes and goes
Marriages can last a lifetime
If you put money before a marriage it likely won’t last
Talk to your wife and tell her everything you just said. If you have already what was her response?
Sounds like you have options. So good. You just need to figure out what’s important. Togetherness is important. So is building a solid career. I spent 28 years in the navy and had year long separations. But we made it through that, my career grew, and we have always been in a good place.
Why not look around for other positions, you may very well be able to get similar pay. What’s keeping you from doing this?
Also if you move to a lower cost of living city, remember your taxable 17% goes further.
If you walked up to your wife RIGHT NOW and said “Let’s do it. Let’s move the F out of this place.” How would she react? Does the way you think she’d react help you make your mind? And you can do it? You can afford it? You can both work and live comfortably from anywhere?
Sounds like a no brainer to me!
Find a new job. Your marriage needs to come first.
You mentioned that you’d likely make less if you moved elsewhere. Have you thought of moving to an area with a lower cost of living? If you and your wife find someplace not in a busy city or big suburb, perhaps the lower cost of living would make up for what you’d be losing with a lower paying job. She’d still make the same.
I once had a job where I worked overnights. 10pm-8am. Paid great. On Fridays, I’d try to flip my schedule to be up for spending time with my wife on Fri/Sat/Sun, then flip back.
That rarely worked and so I rarely saw my wife.
She almost packed up and moved back to our home state.
Be careful counting dollar signs.
Figure out where you want to live. Start apply for positions in that area. If you need to take a step back in pay but have better working hours, it’s still a win win for you, better living area and quality time with wife. Dont work a job you that makes you miserable.