I need your advice or opinions
So my boyfriend and I (both 26) have been dating for almost 1.5 yrs now. We spend most of our time together at his place vs mine because I have a cat and he’s allergic. He’s known I have a cat since before the relationship started and he has friends with cats. I just worry that when we decide we should move in together that for him my cat isn’t a part of that picture. He doesn’t hate my cat – he hasnt said anything mean about her, he’s even given her treats and catnip. But I have a girl friend, also allergic to cats, who absolutely adores my cat. But said girl friend also isn’t going to potentially live with me for the rest of our lives (or at least my cats life).
So guys, if you’re allergic to cats and date a girl with a cat – would you expect her to get rid of or rehome her cat when you both move in together? Or at any point in the relationship?
EDIT: Thank you everyone! Reading your responses, I realize I am not crazy for choosing my cat over a relationship. However, I may be crazy for thinking my boyfriend would ever ask me give up my cat.
7 comments
Absolutely not! The cat was there first. This shouldn’t even be a question. And from what you’re saying, your bf hasn’t even hinted at this? Would you get rid of the cat if he asked?
Pets should never be given up for a partner IMO, find a way to work around it or just don’t live together. Pets don’t live forever but the short time that they’re on this planet they love us unconditionally and we should return that love to them.
No. Why should you cause your innocent pet (who trusts you) so much distress by getting rid of it as if it’s outstayed it’s welcome for a boyfriend.
Absolutely not! Pets are a life-long responsibility, not a toy or accessory to get rid of when it’s no longer fun or convenient. There are many ways to mange allergies to make them tolerable (I’m assuming his allergies are not life-threatening). It’s a lot more work, but I’d gladly do it for my BF. If cats are a deal-breaker for your BF, he should have stated that upfront and not dated a person with a cat. Anyone asking me to get rid of an existing pet would be an instant ex.
There are several work-around solutions, short of either breaking up or rehoming your cat. Unless his allergy is severe, the simplest solution is to keep the cat out of your bedroom, and step up your cleaning routine by vacuuming and cleaning the litter box more frequently. Keeping your cat washed and well-groomed can also make a big difference, since he is allergic to the cat’s dander, rather than the actual fur.
Some people manage their pet allergies very well by taking a daily OTC antihistamine, like loratadine (brand name Claritin). But it doesn’t work well for everyone.
If your cat is older, you can simply continue to socialize mostly at your BF’s place, and wait until the cat dies before you talk about moving in together.
Whatever you do, though, I think you should expect this to be your last cat, if this is the right guy for you. It’s up to him to cope gracefully with the “inherited” cat, but I think it would be highly selfish of you to insist on getting another one in the future, knowing that it will make him sick.
Uh, no. A pet is a lifetime commitment (for the length of their lifetime, that is). I’d consider someone who is *willing* to re-home their pet, especially for a boyfriend or a girlfriend (when breakups happen every day), a red flag, personally.
There are ways to deal with allergies. The cheapest and least comfortable is to just deal with them (source: am allergic to dogs, have a dog in bed with me right now), but over the counter meds like Allegra/Zyrtec/Claritin can help, and Walmart has 3 month supplies for under $20. If the person who is allergic is serious about the relationship and has good insurance, allergy shots are also a thing– relatively painless and essentially gets rid of the allergy over a few months.
But, at the end of the day, the cat was there first. The cat’s not going to leave you, not going to cheat on you, not going to break your heart outside of regular cat demeanors, lol. Why should it’s life be uprooted for someone who might be temporary?
I think this is actually on you to decide, making a choice between boyfriend and cat. I don’t think it’s right to abandon a pet but at the same time I think every person has a right to be comfortable where they live. Constant allergy symptoms is not a nice way to live.
I would recommend he spends more time at your place while you test the things someone else suggested to see if it’s manageable for him to live with a cat. Depending on the results you both have choices to make. Don’t move in together and just assume it will work out.