How do i get my ex back? I was abusive, never laid hands on her or showed her that i would. nothing physical but words are sharper than a knife. i did pester her. but i was on the path to changing before the breakup happened. and losing her was a wake up call. i took hours of therapy for myself and for all my childhood trauma from an abusive father and i will always continue to work on myself. just the thought of treating my next woman right makes me die inside. i wanna be able to repay her for the damage i did. give her affection love and respect. i want to be able to get forgiveness from her through my actions and my changes. I was abusive, but my love for her was real, i always have and would still take a bullet for her. i just wanna be able to give her the relationship she wanted. i can never forgive myself for all that.
9 comments
Have you tried to get her back?
If so, how and what did she say?
Just leave her alone. You’ve burned that bridge.
You’ll be healed when you will do what’s best for her rather than what’s best for yourself. It’s not good for her to date you even though you won’t abuse her anymore, because she will always have the abuse in the back of her mind and the tiniest conflict can make her relive that abuse..she may also begin walking on eggshells around you in fear to not experience the abuse again. Add to this that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. If she wanted to, you would not have written this post. So you’re being extremely selfish asking how to get her back..you’re only thinking about what you want and ignoring what she wants and her emotional wellbeing. She doesn’t want to be with you..the good thing to do is to respect that. That’s the opposite of abuse. That’s taking accountability for your actions and showing her respect.
Good to hear you recognized the problem and took steps to make positive changes in your life. That’s a win right there.
Now for brutal honesty. In the majority of cases trying to get an ex back is a waste of time and energy. I empathize with you. I get it. Honestly though your best course of action is to try and move on, forgive yourself (you need to do this!) and make a fresh start. It kinda sucks and maybe not the advice you were hoping to hear however it’s the truth.
Almost always impossible to get a woman back once she’s decided to leave you
You need to stay a freaking world away and never, ever, contact her again. To her, you are your abusive father. Stop and think about that. Also, I’m seeing a lot of “I” statements. This post reeks of “me,me,me” energy, not once do I see you actually stopping and thinking of the pain she feels, of the trauma she could re-experience by you attempting to step back into her life. Again, remember that you were her ABUSER. There can easily be re-traumatization from an abuser trying to enter back into an abuse victim’s life, I’ve seen it before with my best friend’s ex who was verbally and emotionally abusive. Him attempting to contact her nearly sent her into a panic attack and had her reliving all of the trauma and pain he put her through, a problem considering she was 7 months into a high risk pregnancy. Leave her alone, move on, and acknowledge you will probably never get that forgiveness you want (again, all about you).
If it helps, an ex of mine went through what you’re going through now, a realisation concerning his behaviour and huge guilt, a real desire to make it up to me. It led him to text me relentlessly for two years (which of course I was complicit in, I was looking for closure but codependency is a thing and yes of courses I blocked him eventually), and he’d turn up every now and again, or send flowers on important anniversaries. It was absolute misery for me and hugely damaging, it delayed my own recovery and work on myself and was, in the end, almost as damaging as our relationship.
So don’t do that, don’t ask for her forgiveness, she might not be there yet, just be better.
Write her a very long letter, expressing every single thi g uou did wrong & how much you love her. AND THEN SHRED IT.
Getting those feelings out of your head and on paper will help you. Pushing them on her will likely just rub salt in her wounds.
Keep working on yourself. As someone else said, loving her means doing what is best for her now (not yourself) and letting her go.
If, at some point, she contacts you in search of closure or answers – that’s the time to sincerely apologize & share the work you’ve been doing to be a better man after losing a great person as a direct result of your behavior. But if that never happens, honor your loss by continuing to grow.
Leave it be