My wife is a lovely woman and fantastic mother. But, some of her behavior is quite questionable, in my opinion. Example:
She “forgets” to brush her teeth, regularly.
She has facial hair. She gets embarrassed if it is mentioned but rarely does anything to get rid of it.
She consistently makes excuses to not do things that she has said she will do or that needs to be done. Her famous line is “I can’t be bothered”. If I ask about anything, she gets upset and says she was planning to do it, eventually.
She has problems with communicating, taking any criticism negatively, regardless of phrasing and will not give me any advice or any clue as to how to communicate effectively with her and in a way that isn’t upsetting to her.
She lost her job due to making a comment about arab people in a messaging service at her then job. The comment wasn’t harmful, it was basically “arab people are big on cleanliness”. She was fired and she didn’t see why the comment was received so poorly. Its 2023, who would think saying anything that can be tracked by your boss, about a person’s ethnicity, is acceptable.
To me, it seems like she is just lazy and has zero self accountability. But I try not to get upset, but its hard. It is maddening. Idk what I can do. I’m sure I am an asshole because I am now working 12 hour shifts to make up for her joblessness. Its like I have to think for 2 people some times. I sometimes dont think she has the mind set of an adult. I know I sound like an asshole and probably am at times, but She has given me no way to communicate my feelings to her and any way I try to is the “wrong way”.
The reason I brought up the facial hair and teeth brushing is before we were married, those things were never an issue, because she was still taking care of her self. Once we got married, it started. We have a 9 MO and she attributes all of it to being tired. Understandable. But these were problems long before our child was even thought about.