My fiance proposed to me yesterday. It was sweet of him, because being from an Indian family I don’t expect him to do this as our families have already met after we declared that we are dating a d wanting to marry and wedding preparations have started. So, after the proposal us and a couple of our friends were hanging out having beers, and I asked for his phone to send myself some photos that we took earlier in the day. (I am not someone who digs into my s/O’s or anyone’s phone to see what is going on). While sharing, I saw that his top sharing option was discord and some girl from discord with a suggestive picture. Suddenly a bulb went off in my head. I opened his discord, and to my shock, i found out detailed sexts with many many girls. I took him to our room and privately confronted him. He lashed out against me that it’s nothing is anonymous it’s just discord blah blah blah. I walked out, drank some more, and came back. He told me again that it’s because of me he never shares anything and shuts down and all. And slept off. I couldn’t sleep, so I woke him up and asked for his phone. I downloaded tinder and bumble, and as soon as I did, I saw that his profiles are active and he regularly uses it and maybe deletes the app. The profiles did not indicate anything about real meetups, but my fiance has definitely sent them multiple hellos and continued chatting with some of them. I checked his Instagram messages and there also he had approached a few girls in their dms asking them to hook up with him. I told him all this, he said he slips sometimes when he is horny but never follows through. I kept quite as I personally take time to gather my thoughts. Tonight I sat him down again to talk about this, opened his reddit and found out he approaches atleast 10 girls a day to sex on reddit, and some of them go to discord. He kept on telling me that he never actually met anyone after me, he just spends time sexting people. Mind you, he has told me he is not a texter or someone who calls and talks all day long, and I respected that as I like my space too. I lost my mind and asked him to call his mom and confess to her infront of me, as parents and everyone are involved in this wedding prep. He not only dowplayed the whole thing to his mom, but even though she admitted he is wrong, she indicates shit like if i love him i will get back to him and i have to take a quick decision. She said many things along with that, but not relevant here. He keeps on saying he loves me and it’s just a habit he can’t control. Mind you, I am quite open minded and give him a lot of open space to explore sexuality, and even have given him (and myself) the opportunity to spice things up in bed with other things or people, as I enjoy sexual things myself as well. I don’t know what to do now, my brains feel scrambled.
TLDR: Fiance sexts random women daily and refuses to admit he cheated and keeps saying he loves me even after confrontation.
Edit 1: The relationship was actually started when he approached me to be monogamous, not me approaching him. He said he likes me/loves me and I should give this a chance, which I did, and I really do love him. We initially hooked up. He also rushed into things about marriage because he convinced me he feels right about it, and it will anyway take time to plan a wedding. We got together because we share similar core values, career ambitions, don’t want to have kids (very difficult to find someone with this thing in India) and most importantly had seperate lives and didn’t depend completely on each other. Well, now that I see, he has a seperate life altogether!
Edit 2: I am sorry to miss out on a big detail. So we got a house together and bought things to move in together. This was not only a decision of convenience, but also a financial decision since we literally sleep in each others’ apartments and living where i live is expensive to maintain two apartments. This arrangement, being outside of marriage, is quite a taboo in middle class India. Still, we made our parents understand and they agreed. I, 29F and he, 31M fought to live together and bought things, spent a lot of money, and now I am in this situation. It’s a whole lot of decision-making that is going to take place when I gather my feelings.
44 comments
You wanna marry into that? Doesn’t matter if he’s not following through” the fact that he’s initiating at all is crossing a line if you did not agree to this arrangement.
Hey there, just break up with him before it gets too late
I’m just wondering who actually responds to strangers on reddit? What a weird thing to me.
But ditch this loser.
If he has this habit now, it won’t go away after marriage. Personally, if my fiancé was cheating like that, I would break off the wedding.
Well, I don’t know what kind of answers you expected to see here so I’m just gonna tell you what you already figured out by yourself and is struggling to accept: leave.
Ditch him. Do people do this on Reddit? Find people to discord sext with?
he did not go through with meeting them because nobody wanted him, he would have if he had the chance to.
He’s essentially cheating on you and claiming innocence/minimizing it because he doesn’t follow through. Sis he’s trash. Move on
Leave him
It will only get worse 🙁
I get many messages from married men on Reddit… it’s sad and they’re def not enm
You deserve better – you’ve only opened the box… it’s probably deeper than you will ever see. How can you trust him when he proposed, which means a committed relationship and he hasn’t been committed at all? Save yourself the heartbreak!
Ditch him, he doesn’t deserve you!
I would break up with him not only because of his habit but because of his mother. Is this the family you want to marry into? One where everyone takes sides as soon as something goes a little wrong? If I got married to anyone, I would want to make sure there is someone in my corner at all times. Whether that is my partner or a partner’s family member, there has to be at least one person that would be willing to trust me and keep others accountable when they make a mistake towards me. And I would want the same for my partner.
Both he and his family have shown you their colors. They will invalidate your concerns if they think it’s to keep the marriage together. I would consider carefully who your trustworthy party is in this relationship. If it’s only yourself, you should maybe leave.
I think it’s more of a respect thing even if you have explored things/people together… you both agreed upon it.
He will most likely continue to do this… that’s your future choice.
I absolutely could not be ok with this. He hid it from you then downplayed it.
You know what to do.
Boy’s a cheater ma’am
Does his name happen to be mike?
he will eventually follow through and that could put you and your health at risk. something to consider.
If your boyfriend actually loved you, you would be enough for him. He would not be messaging other women for sexual reasons. Ever. It’s not okay at all.
How would your family react if you told them about this?
I wouldn’t marry him. This is not something that’s going to get better. He clearly thinks that you should just accept he does this. No thanks.
You will regret marrying him. Walk away now. Cancelled wedding is better than a failed marriage.
Leave and never look back.
Yeah, he would be my ex. You will have a life of misery and no trust.
What’s with all the people defending the cheating in this thread lol
Break up with him
The absolutely deplorable treatment people allow in their romantic partners makes me feel so good about myself and at the same time so bad for them
If you don’t immediately know what to do about this, nobody here can help you
If you don’t want a open marriage you need to call this off. So sorry this happened to you.
You need to dodge that one OP.
Leave his ass. He cant be trusted. He couldnt be honest with you about his needs and he went elsewhere to get his fix. Let him get his fix without you
Break off the marriage. He’s already cheating on you before marriage. I can only imagine what will happen down the line
He should be your former fiance after this.
This isn’t a handful of isolated incidents during a rough patch in a relationship. It’s a very deep seated and fundamental part of his daily life. This is his DAILY ROUTINE. He gave you multiple explanations, and in each downplayed the issue. He either believes you to be too stupid or too submissive to impose any consequences.
You are not an equal in this relationship. He doesn’t see you as a partner. Everything you’ve described is that of someone too immature and lacking self awareness or empathy to be in a position to be ready for a serious relationship.
Get out of this while it’s still easy.
He’s full of shit
He’s got one foot out of your relationship OP, don’t get married. You need this to be resolved before you get married. Breaking up is a totally valid way to handle this too.
Obviously, dump him.
If he had apologized profusely when you confronted him, that might be one thing. That might indicate he’d be willing to clean up his act and commit.
But the fact that he had the *opposite* response and just got mad that you found out tells you everything you need to know about him: he’s a dishonest scumbag. This will only get worse over time. It will not get better.
Just leave him. Stop overthinking this.
>Mind you, I am quite open minded and give him a lot of open space to explore sexuality, and even have given him (and myself) the opportunity to spice things up in bed with other things or people
Also, lol. This was your first mistake. Stop being so “open-minded” and start setting boundaries and maintaining standards. Marriage isn’t a series of hookups with the same person. It’s a serious commitment.
As a man I can tell you he is not someone who can thrive in a monogamous relationship. He might have strong feelings for you but the man’s unable to control his impulses. If you’ll look hard, you’ll notice his impulsive nature will manifest in other things as well.
If you want a monogamous marriage, he doesn’t seem the one. Sorry you had to go through this!
Please tell me you took screenshots from
His phone and sent them to yourself.
He is going to lie his ass off to his and your parents and try to make you look like the crazy jealous fiancé.
Run, run far away. This kind of behavior is compulsive and does not easily change. Do not believe his lies and do not believe it’s going to stop. It’s painful to start over but far less painful than a life of being married to someone like that
You are SO LUCKY you found out now. Some literal angel is watching over you so you don’t have to marry this creep and regret it later.
his response speaks louder than the sexting betrayal
The most concerning part is how much he wants to downplay and make excuses. Saying he hasn’t followed through isn’t really worth anything since all that means potentially is that he hasn’t had the chance to yet. Him calling it a habit he can’t control just confirmed for me that he doesn’t plan on stopping and I don’t think that’s something you want to deal with. It would be at least better if he expressed any desire to stop engaging in that behavior potentially with help but it seems that’s not how it’s gone at all.
Uh fuck that. There are people who won’t do this to you. Find them.
He’s a f*cking pervert!
Leave him to his internet!
You were blessed to discover this truth, don’t waste that blessing by staying with him, he won’t change!
I’m not engaged to my boyfriend, but am very much in the same situation. I’ve been fighting it for months, he keeps saying it’s nothing, it’s just a more interactive version of watching porn, blah blah blah. Excuses. Justification. I’ve been dealing with this almost the entire year we’ve been together. It comes & goes in waves, but never ends. I didn’t even know there were so many dating apps & hook up sites! It’s wild. My point is, you can’t “out-love” this. It’s a weird addiction, & addicts really can’t take accountability, so chances are that he will continue to tell you he loves you without ever resolving the issue. Don’t be like me.
Don’t put up with the disrespect, it isn’t fair & I can tell you from my own experience that all it does is break YOU down. I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this, my heart truly does go out to you.
>Recently found out that fiancé has a habit of approaching women over reddit
I don’t need to read anymore, that is hugely disrespectful and you should not be in a relationship with someone who does that.