Hi everyone! I have been sexting on and off for around two weeks with a guy named Mike. The first three days were amazing, I have never had such a great chemistry with someone via text. I like sexting a lot, but only when it leads to an actual hook up. I’d like to add we both sent videos and steaming hot photos. We had real fun.
Mike studies and works and he told me several times that is crazy busy. Then he told me he doesn’t like organizing things, and prefers to hit me up when he is horny to meet up. But all that has ever happened so far were “u still up?” text in the middle of the night to have another round of sexting.
When confronted he told me he finds difficult organizing things because he is busy.
I really don’t like the idea that he might just want to sext. And, to be completely honest, it doesn’t even make sense to me. Why would you sext when you could be having fun irl?
Have you ever find yourself in this kind of situation? Have you ever been the one to just want to sext? If so, why?
I’d like to understand better, that’s all. Thank you!
39 comments
Ever thought that he might be catfishing and that’s the reason he doesn’t wanna meetup irl ?
It sounds like he’s not that into you and you’re someone he hits up when nobody wants to come over he’s interested in or he’s got a partner and you’re fun
1. He’s married or has a girlfriend or is dating another woman
2. He’s not that into you but he enjoys the attention.
It’s usually one of those. Could also be he’s scared since you’re quite aggressive and older.
I had this happen once, guy LOVED sexting, we eventually hooked up. For some reason this stuck out to me – he told me he would never say I was beautiful I’m “just hot”. I realised what he wanted from me and I noped out. You’re being duped, OP and I don’t think you’re strong enough to deal with how he’s treating you. Block him.
To be honest he might not be as experienced in person as he is in sexting so he might have performance anxiety. I’m 22 and I’ve never had sex but I’ve sexted A LOT. If a girl wanted to meet up and have sex I would probably be too anxious to go through with it.
He’s in it for the sexting only. Been thru this a couple of times.
M(23) Younger men often feel like they don’t have their shit together enough to talk to someone they feel they don’t deserve. When I was 19 I talked to a 24 year old woman and almost linked with her until she told me she had a two year old son. I didn’t mind her having a kid but it really busted my balls knowing she had a house, car, job, profit to share with her mom, permission to walk into bars, and a baby daddy when I had only been paying my own rent for two months and been driving for two years. Her son was alive longer than I’d been an adult so I felt completely underqualified to even be around her because it meant I’d shatter the imaginary version of me in her head where I wasn’t just a lil jit.
Maybe just wants the attention and validation from you but doesn’t feel like putting any effort into doing more? I totally think he’s into you, because if he wasn’t why waste time with all the back and forth… AND you said it’s steamy. That to me is being into you….I honestly think he’s just not as good in person or has some anxiety issues regarding performance perhaps? I hope you find the answers you seek OP. I just wanted to chime in here 🙂
Online meeting, talking, dating, sexting, etc.. whatever is often an outlet for people going through various personal issues themselves, but are still seeking some form of fulfillment by talking with others. It can include sexting, but I don’t mean it to be just that.
He might not have had sex in a long time, dated anyone recently… or ever, might have a feeling of inadequacy, might simply be nervous due to inexperience, etc…
But for him having someone to sext or talk to through another avenue can give him some fulfillment where he is not worrying about whatever is holding him back… whatever that may be.
There is an odd catch-22, if this is the case. You make things so steamy and physically advanced in the sexting, it digs a deep hole for him to be able perform in-person. This in-turn makes him more nervous.
If you really wanted to turn this real, you need to make him feel comfortable and he might need to have lower expectations and take things a touch slower at an in-person starting pace. From there it might take forever or he could snap out of it very quickly when he realizes he doesn’t have to be nervous about whatever it is he is nervous about.
Mike is getting what he wants. Mike might not be what and who he says he is.
It could be he just wants to sext and nothing more. Or he could be married or in a relationship especially if there’s a pattern to when he hits you up for sexting. Or he’s nervous. Or not interested. But whatever the reason there’s nothing you can do to change it so just leave him be and go find someone who does want you.
Red flag red flag…catfish most likely. I know you say he’s sent photos and videos, but they could be of someone else. Have you actually video-chatted?
He’s just not that into you. If he wanted to ask you out, he would have done it already…
He’s not into it right now. He could be into you but not into actually seeing you for some reason.
It’s also pretty easy to have chemistry with anyone via text…
Some people like the online thrill.
It’s possible that he’s afraid that once you meet up it will be an awkward encounter and maybe he feels you/he have built up very high expectations for your first sexual experience over sexting only for it to be a 30 seconds experience….
Of course it could also be that he’s only interested in sexting and he has no interest to take this beyond that. Either way the only thing you can and should do is confront him about it and make your intentions clear. If he still keeps making excuses cut your losses and move on.
It’s not uncommon for people to engage in sexting without necessarily intending to meet up in person. Some people enjoy the thrill and excitement of sexting without the commitment and expectations that come with physical intimacy. Others may be too busy or not interested in pursuing a physical relationship.
1. He has a gf or some significant other in person.
2. He’s nervous and afraid about in person sexy fun times.
3. Is catfishing to some degree.
coming from a sw you do realize tons of men use platforms to pay for sexting per text right? like as low as .99 and as high as several dollars.. PER MESSAGE. lots of men consume porn in different types of way especially young guys. a lot of my customers are hot, younger dudes in their 20s… crazy to think about. he probably just saved a ton of money because now he has a free girl to sext him. I literally charge guys $5 to even send me nudes… in my opinion you’re just getting used for free sexting.
Maybe he’s married?
He’s either built up his own image to you in a way he can’t actually match in person(kind of a catfish Situation) or he’s just using you to get off. He’s interested in using yours pics or banter to bust a nut and he’s good.
Is he a virgin, could be nervous
Personally, I think this whole question of “if you are sexually available it will/won’t put a guy off” misses the point. People are *so variable*. People weren’t created with cookie-cutters, all exactly the same.
Take my last two boyfriends, for example. The first one definitely just thought of me as a bit of fun, who he was *never* going to get serious about, because I slept with him “too soon”. If I’d had any regrets about that (I didn’t: I would *never* play games with a bloke. What you see is what you get), they would have disappeared when, the following year (we kept in contact as friends, so I knew what was happening in his life), he got engaged to his next girlfriend *before* they had slept together, after having dated for 4 months. Let’s be honest, that ain’t *never* gonna happen with me.
Then there’s my forever boyfriend. I slept with him within about the same timescale, but he fell in love with me at first sight. There was no question that we weren’t going to be together, and any issues about when we first slept together would be dismissed as silly fluff.
He can be in another relationship and not want to cheat on her/him. He’s cool with sexting and nothing more than that.
He’s got a girlfriend, probably.
Have you tried organizing the meet up? Maybe he’s legit just not good at that part.
The only unanswered item in this thread that is clanging around in my head is: Why the hell would this guy only drive halfway of only 20 minutes of ONLY a 40 minute drive to meet you?
If I have wheels, driving down the road with a glowing red, pulsating hard on that’s trying to rip out of my zipper of my pants…..I’m going the distance , I’m going at speed….Outta my Way,….40 minutes or 10 hours baby yeah!!
He’s not that into you
Sorry babe, you are the side piece. And he is probably the type that doesn’t think it’s actual “cheating” if it’s not happening in person (just online)
Sorry to be brutal, but he is using you like a free web cam girl. While his wife/girlfriend is asleep
I met someone online and had a difficult time meeting up even though we had great chemistry. We spoke everyday for months and also ended up sexting eachother quiet frequently.
I wanted to meet but had really bad anxiety that he wouldn’t like me in person the same way he liked me over the phone or on Xbox. I made up every kind of excuse you could think of when he would try to plan a meet up.
It literally took him driving here after I said no for us to finally meet. When he got here we sat on the phone for 10 mins on either side of the door before I’d let him come in.
So maybe he’s just nervous or is afraid it will mess up what you guys have already built. Like the real thing won’t be as perfect as it’s been envisioned.
He’s not that into you, has a girl, or is lying about himself…..OR any combo of the three.
Please respect yourself and stop talking to him. he probably has a gf or wife.
he’s horny but doesn’t necessarily need to meet or want to meet.j
just the attention from the sexting is enough for him.
i’d recommend that if you need more from a new relationship (including one that leads to bf/gf status), then he is not going in that direction and you can stop things with him.
but if you’re ok with keeping things this way, then keep going on with a kind of FWB sexting option
Definitely just using you for entertainment. He is probably in a relationship or lying about something.
So I am a woman and have said this excuse for a couple of reasons. Here they are:
1. I was not emotionally available. I did like the guy who I was talking to but I still had strong feelings for someone else. If I were to meet him it would indicate I am ready for a possible relationship which was not the case at the moment.
2. I have various mental health issues such as anxiety and BDD. I like the idea of dating but having someone see me in a romantic light terrifies me. At least through text, I can be my true self without my mental illnesses getting in the way. I rejected dates with guys I am interested in for this reason btw.
I think one way to be certain is to ask him. If he still dodges the question then tell him that you guys either meet irl or you are moving on.
If he wanted to make it work, he would. There is going to be someone out there that is so excited that you want to meet up with them. Seems like this guy is possibly not the one, and it may be time to move on.
OP, stop with the videos and pics. Those things are intimate and should only be with someone you are involved with. You are the cow, giving the milk away for free. Instead of a “booty call” status, you are now “booty text” status. He is 21. You likely are not the only girl he is playing around with. And keep in mind, the videos and photos can be shared and he is using them as “show and tell” amongst his friends.
Listen, you are at a great age to date and meet guys. Guys who want to get to know you better face to face. You are not relevant to this guys world. You are being used. Save the video and photo sharing with a guy who wants you in his life, who makes you feel like you are the only one that matters. You don’t matter to him. You will look back and regret all this when you do meet the right one.
Now, you can also turn this into game, if you want. But keep your guard up and your heart protected. Along with no pics or videos, stop answering the texts after 9pm and don’t reply for a day or two. And no texts over a PG rating. Also, tell him you are busy doing chores but he can call you and you can chat. If he doesn’t ever call that is another indicator of how he views you.
Don’t listen when he says he keeps the videos and pics a secret. He is lying.
if he wanted to he would.
I masturbate to a lot of porn but I don’t want to see actresses in my house..