So, I’m a 25 year old male, and my sister, 20F wants to set me up with a woman that she is living with, 22F.

For context, they live together and have been in a relationship since covid. My parents do not know that she is a lesbian, they think they are just friends who live together, so for that reason, she is still very closeted. I have known about her “secret” for years as i am one of the few people she trusts.

A few weeks ago she came out as polyamorus, but while the two of them want to remain committed to each other, they also want to explore other people, and her partner wants to start dating a man. My sister confided in me that her friend finds me attractive and would be completely comfortable if we were to go for it. She says that she would be a lot less worried about her being with a man that they both know and can get along with.

I have never really even considered this type of relationship before, but the thought of “sharing” someone with someone else I know seems a little iffy.

I actually know this woman pretty well and we get along great, and I feel like if I can get past this one little thing, maybe it could work.

Has anyone else ever faced anything similar or know someone who has?

EDIT. Thanks for the advice, mostly everyone.

I spoke with her on the phone and laid out some concerns, a few from this post that I hadn’t thought of, and she is coming over tonight. She isn’t looking to get emotionally involved and specifically wants a FWB situation.

I am indeed going for it.

44 comments

  2. There are a lot of potential ways this could go wrong. Most likely scenario: after sex, she will catch feelings for you and want to leave your sister in order to date you instead. This will then devastate your sister and potentially ruin your relationship with your sister and make every family hangout in the future very awkward. But if you want to risk it and you think it’s worth it for sex then go for it.

  3. Will u do a threesome with your sister too? Or will u just do it with her partner separately? Either way this sounds so messed up.

  4. This is beyond weird, and the start of a PornHub ad sister and girlfriend stuck in the dryer.

    But be prepared for everyone to comment that you’re also in a relationship with your sister. You have been playing with fire, in my opinion. If things between you and your sister’s partner go wrong, then where does that leave you and your sister?

  5. Bad idea, sorry.
    Never involve close relatives or best friends in situation like this.

  6. Bro are you disgusting or something you better start a deep conversation with yourself about your values

  7. That’s so NOT ethical non-monogamy. There are literally hundreds of other people out there who could be involved with their relationship, it doesn’t have to be you.

  8. I am 35 f, polyamorous and married.

    If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.

    So your sister wants you to fuck her gf…what in the sweet home Alabama is this?

    Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is HARD to navigate, let alone if you have limited life and relationship experience. How much research has your sister and gf done to prepare for a poly relationship?

    How involved will your sister be in the relationship between her gf and you – physically, mentally, emotionally?

    Did they talk through emotions that typically crop up when someone in the pair starts dating? How they will handle them? i.e. Jealously, feelings of inadequacy, insecurity in the relationship and in one’s self. Have they talked about rules and boundaries for their relationship? Have you thought about your needs and wants in a relationship?

    What if they break up? What if you start something and it doesn’t work out? You can’t take any of this back once it happens.

    You need to know this because their relationship dynamics and any upsets relating to ENM, directly affects your emotional, mental and physical health.

    It gives me the ick that your sister and your sexual lives would be so…adjacent.

    This is a huge fuck no for me. You’re iffy for a reason…trust your gut.

  9. Just don’t with the poly. If you want to communicate that this is a FWB to you ONLY, then so be it. Polyamory is not good for the individual, and if it does ultimately take off, it won’t be good for society.

  11. Then you’d not just be siblings, but Eskimo siblings.

    Also, no, don’t do it.

  12. I sincerely hope this is a post where the heads of Reddit are just sitting n pondering of fucked up shit to put out for comments.

  16. > Be me

    > Have lesbian sister, keep it secret.

    > She’s poly too

    > Cool

    > She wants me to have sex with her partner.

    > Seems, a little weird, but she’s attractive.

    > Is it really that weird? Guys?

    ​

    Seriously, I’m at a loss here, what should I do? Should I share a partner with my sister?

  20. As someone who is, hard no!

    This is what we call on the “messy list”.

    Go tell your sister that’s a messy list person and if she has no idea what a messy list is, OHHH she’s in for a surprise LOL

  23. If my brother was poly and his girlfriend found me attractive and he wanted to set me up, then i’d say no. I don’t want me dick to be where my brothers been.

  25. Random thought here OP,

    Does your sister want a baby with this woman with the closest genetics to her possible?

  30. Dear Penthouse Alabama division,

    No seriously though OP, this will 100 percent, guaranteed, full stop, destroy your relationship with both your sister and her partner. And when shit goes nuclear, your relationship with your parents (that, from their perspective, you have been conspiring to deceive for a few years) will also be destroyed.

    Also, disgustingly, there is a NOT zero percent chance that some of your DNA ends up in your sister.

  31. I’ll be honest, seems like it could be possible they want to have a kid together and this is their way to get her genetics from you and her partner pregnant.

  33. Uh no are you crazy? Poly ppl my goodness. Even if you’re were poly too why have your sisters SO??? Think with your brain not your knob

  37. Yeah man maybe if this was just one of your home girls and her gf sure, but this is your blood sister –

    It’s def a no go

  38. The fact that she is suggesting it and the fact that you are considering this makes me question what I thought I knew about plutonic love

  39. JFC – just have sex with your sister and get it over with, because that is exactly where this is going to end up whether you acknowledge it or not, or you’re going to end up with your sister’s girlfriend and every time your sister comes to visit they will be hooking up behind your back.

    You’re going to sleep with her girlfriend and then her girlfriend is going to go home to your sister and they’re going to have sex with each other.

    Before every date you have together, your sister and her are going to fool around. You and your sister are going to get each other’s sloppy seconds. It will slowly migrate into being in the room with each other while you both please her girlfriend. Then one night you’ll all be drunk and horny and your brain will figure out a way to rationalize that it’s not really any different then what you’ve already done.

    Here’s a headline: Mom and Dad decide daughter being a lesbian isn’t as bad as learning son and daughter are having a incestuous relationship. Parents blame son.

  41. You want to know if you should share the same woman your sister is involved with? Did you really need to ask for advise? Really?!

  43. In polyamory, it’s very common to have a “messy list”, a list of people that are off-limits, such as family members, close friends, etc.

    Seeing that your sister doesn’t include you as part of her “messy list,” is kind of odd, but I am curious about the dynamic and how well-established her polyamorous knowledge even is before you indulge

  44. Bro scrolled past every “this is a terrible idea” and found the 1 comment that agreed and now he’s having her over tonight 😭 bro this borders on desperate, just cause someone’s offering FWB doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist/ you can’t have that elsewhere, likely a much less problematic relationship … it really shocks me how all reason gets thrown out the window when sex is involved

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