How should a woman ask for sex from her husband?

38 comments

1. He’s your husband, just ask for it.

2. Just say it. Initiate it if you want.

   Mention how you missed him that night and what you wanted him to do.

3. You just ask for sex.

   The reality is that men and women can both have a higher sex drive. Both can want sex more than the other. Both can have wildly varying sexual needs from never, to once a day.

   You friends have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. It is perfectly normal and healthy for you to simply ask your husband for sex. Chances are he will find it really sexy.

   Just a basic “Man you look so hot today, do you want to have a quickie?”.

   My wife and I plan a sex date once a week. Sunday is “Sunday Funday” and we have a great sex session (almost) every Sunday. There’s nothing wrong with scheduling sex.

   Just good open honest communication is required here. Tell you husband you love him and want to rock his world. Tell him for your birthday you wanted a sexy date with sex. Tell you husband basically everything you said in this post (minus the shitty advice from your friends)

4. My wife comes out of bathroom naked and whips cover off of me and sexual escapades happen.

5. I’d tell him that. “I loved what you did for my birthday, but I’m my mind you were absolutely plowing me, as soon as the kids were asleep. I wanted to fall asleep cuddling you. I love and want you so much <3 Thanks for being you!” Or something similar.

   You could also just text him, asking if he is free tonight, as you intend to claim the birthday present he forgot about and then inform him of the sexy underwear you are wearing.

   Or, honestly, you could just come onto him old fashioned style. When you go past him, squeeze his butt, tell him he looks really handsome, and make suggestive comments with a wink. You could also simply pin him to the wall, when he comes into the bedroom at night once the kids are asleep.

   Honestly, in my experience, a *lot* of men absolutely love it when their partners seduce them, show them how much they are wanted and desired and take the initiative. It tends to be a traditional man’s role, but most men want to feel just like women do – attractive to their partner and sexually wanted. The idea that women just “do it for their partners” or maybe even “lie back and think off something else, as he gets on with it”, can be really damaging – because who wants to impose themselves on anyone, even less someone you love and cherish? Many of my male friends have told me, that the best sex they had, wasn’t actually someone who was really skilful – just someone who was super enthusiastic and highlighted how much they loved every minute. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments along a similar line from partners too, as a woman.

   So yes: Don’t listen to your girlfriends! Go for it! In whatever shape you fancy! There is a good chance your husband will absolutely love every minute of it!

6. Just use your words.

   If you don’t feel comfortable face to face you can warm up by texting him while he’s at work. Tell him you’re excited for him to fuck you later. Or that you’re going to wear that thing he likes. Or that you can’t stop thinking about something in particular he did last time you had sex.

   Or in person just say: “I’m going to put the kids to bed, you better be naked when I get back”

   Or just hand him your knickers and walk to the bedroom.

   It’s really not hard. You just have to actually do it. It gets easier with time.

   And btw. Your friends are idiots. There are plenty of men who aren’t up for it 24/7 and it’s absolutely appropriate for a women to ask her husband for sex.

7. Not every man is ready and thinking about sex 24/7, sometimes people just have more of a responsive desire where they aren’t actively wanting sex but once it’s started they get into the mood and they are then horny.

   It sounds like your husband doesn’t realise that you want sex that much, if he thinks your ideal night is a bed to yourself then maybe he just needs a bit of encouragement and reassurance that you like sex and look forward to it.

   As for initiating, yeah you could just straight up tell him but men like to be seduced too and feel like they’re wanted as well. You could kiss, to cuddle and press up against each other, feel his hair, kiss his neck, whisper that you want him and are horny for him.

8. what kind of intimacy you have if you don’t know how to ask the father of your 3 children for sex? this should be easy and natural, even if you feel embarrassed. the fact that you can talk to friends and your mom about it but not him is totally weird :/

9. >I asked my friends and they said it’s sad and desperate for a woman to ask her husband for sex because men want sex 24/7 and they should be pushing them off.

   That’s very stupid and ignorant of them to say.

   >He thought for my birthday I’d want the room to myself so I don’t have to “deal” with him. As if it’s a chore for me to share a bad with my husband.

   You should let him know how much you want him and how he is not a burden you tolerate, hopefully this will raise his self-esteem.

   > I don’t get why it’s acceptable for men to receive sex as a gift but not women?

   Well clearly he doesn’t see himself as a gift it’s not about what is acceptable.

10. It’s a bit sad that your friends don’t ask their husbands for sex. Let’s ignore their crappy advice.

    It sounds like you and your husband could benefit from talking more openly about sex, but I get that it’s hard to do if you’ve never done it! You could say something like ‘that was really considerate that you slept on the couch on my birthday, but I was kinda hoping we could have sex’ you could say something about how you find him really attractive, and you enjoy having sex with him (or getting plowed by him or however you want to say it).

    My mum friends are hornier than a group of teenage boys, I’m sure they’d recommend you say ‘would you just come upstairs and f*ck me?’ I usually say ‘wanna go to bed early and do it?’

11. Women often have a big problem with initiating, and men often go around wishing their partner can do it more often.

    It’s easy, just start kissing and teasing, touch and feel him. Say you want him, ask if he wants to join you in bed. It’s really not hard and he will most likely really appreciate the attention.

    Sex is a responsibility shared by both parties in a relationship. Your friends advice sounds toxic and is the most unhealthy advice I’ve heard today.

    If you never initiate it can send a strong signal to your husband, that you don’t desire him. Especially if you haven’t communicated why you don’t do it.

12. The question is why would you ask for it?

    Why don’t you initiate it by your own believe me men love it when women starts things..

13. The plain and simple of it is that sometimes you just have to ask us. A large majority of time he’ll likely be down anyway

    My wife and are I like this she sometimes just texts me ‘I’m horney let’s do something’.

    Also you’re friends already sound sad and desperate.

14. “TELL HIM” or initiate it..find a way

15. If you can’t ask your husband for sex you shouldn’t even be in a relationship.

    >I asked my friends and they said it’s sad and desperate for a woman to ask her husband for sex because men want sex 24/7 and they should be pushing them off.

    Get better friends.

16. There is honestly nothing sexier than a woman being straight forward and swaying something like “I want you in me right now!”

    I absolutely love it because it rarely happens. I have been the one that have initiated pretty much every time so the few times she starts is amazing!

17. Like others here have said, communicate by asking

    Depending on the communication style in your relationship, it might be:
    “Tonight is a good time.” when you plunk his breakfast plate down in front of him.
    Or, maybe…
    “Have I told you lately how wonderful you make me feel when we make love?”, as you walk up to him and wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss.

    Point being, the 2 of you need your own language to communicate your feelings, wants and needs.

18. I usually find when the misses grabs me or puts my hands on her boobs as a good indication she wants sex.

19. Sit on the table with your legs spread when he asked what’s for dinner….

    Serious note sit him down and talk to him that you need love you want to feel the connection in the bedroom. Might be something going on down there can he not get it up etc.

    Late at night when your watching TV pop upstairs and change into something sexy come down and straddle him.

    When’s the last time you had sex. Has it been so long that he’s prob thinking the same thing and now your both stuck not doing or saying anything about it

20. Beware (reflect on) the unspoken messages you’ve been sending. Are you acting passive and expecting him to ‘win’ you every time?

    Anyway, original question, cuddle up in bed, caress and hug him and say ” make love tonight? Or fuck me? Your call”. That’ll work.

21. Just turned 26, and you guys have 3 kids? What the hell? That is insane

22. >I wanted to get absolutely plowed when the kids fell asleep and then cuddle with him all night.

    Just tell him this then. No room for error

23. I always made it super obvious either by lingerie, rubbing on him, or just straight out ask if he wants to. Lol men are simple beings. They don’t need much to convince them to have sex.

24. Stop listening to other moms. Sometimes us guys are idiots. Maybe he’s stressed about something. He’s your husband, just talk to him. You may be suprised the answer you’ll get.

25. I can’t imagine having 3 kids with someone and being scared to express my needs.

    “The thought of having sex with you really turns me on. I’d like for us to have sex more often.”

    Stop asking people who should really have no say on your relationship and start speaking openly and honestly with the person you should feel comfortable sharing anything with, your husband.

    Also the expectation that the man should always be horny can be incredibly damaging to the integrity of the relationship. It puts undue stress on him to always initiate without getting to feel desired, and it puts undue stress on you to assume that if he isn’t trying to have sex with you its because you are doing something wrong. Show him what he means to you by taking the initiative.

26. “I really want to fuck you tonight”

    you’re overthinking it way too much, maybe you’re from a conservative background but the idea that you can’t ask for or initiate sex is truly bonkers.

27. Look him in his eyes and say ‘f me’. Works every time!

28. You need better friends OP.

    Also, as a 30 year old man, the truth is you just gotta say this to him,

    “(OP’s Husband’s Name), I am turned on lately and really just need some sexual attention. I want you. Do you think after the kids go to bed you could fuck me senseless?”

    Or something like that. Just he direct and upfront. The dude is your husband, he should be willing to help you meet your needs. There’s nothing wrong with asking and personally, I’d be turned on to be directly asked like that. There’s nothing unsexy about consent.

29. First of all happy belated birthday, secondly, it is not sad or desperate of a woman to ask for sex or initiate sex with her partner it is perfectly healthy, you have your own sexual agency you have your wants and needs. I am sorry your friends have this backward mentality of sex something women are that men do, or sex is something that women have and men want, the question is how your man finds it though, does he find it sexy if you initiated sex?
    Have a talk about it with your husband.

30. How do you have three kids and don’t know how to initiate? The math isn’t mathing lol

31. My wife of 16 years initiates sex more than I do because she has the higher sex drive. My sex drive is on the high side as well, so it’s not like I am not making any effort. I’m 45 and she is 38. Normally she just starts making out with me, wears something skimpy, and/or just asks. Even if I am not in the mood, she gets me in the mood really quick. We have 2 kids and it can feel like you are tired often with everything to do around the house and with working full-time. Sounds like you two need to communicate better on the sex front. Guys don’t want it 24/7, but you two are in your mid-20s and should have higher sex drives. Having 3 kids at that age can make things more complicated though.

32. Wow! If you’re married, tell him you want to have sex..,…I have not met one man who doesn’t like to be asked to have sex.

33. Don’t ask, just make passionate eye contact during some normal activities through out the day and when you guys are alone, wear a attractive nightgown or silk, tie up your hair gently in front of him, give him soft touches while walk past him, be fully subtle, and lastly just kiss him passionately until you both are out of breath, then break apart, maintain eye contact, and say “I need you”, “I want you” , “Make love to me ” etc.

34. Literally say, “do you want to have sex tonight?”. It’s not desperate, and you are being explicitly clear about what you want.

35. Sweetheart, forgive me, but you’re making it sound like we’re in the 20th century. Your friends sound incredibly sexist from that description. If you want sex, set a flirty mood and maybe dirty talk your way into asking. You could even initiate it if you wanted to. He’d most likely be taken aback but turned on by your eagerness! Spice things up a lil.

36. 1. Get better friends, what the fuck do they mean « man want sex 24/7 » and « it’s sad and desperate for a woman to want sex ». It’s degrading for every one.

    2. Learn to communicate, « I thought I’d want the room to myself » isn’t an idea he got from nowhere. Maybe he’s self conscious, tired, or maybe you are or maybe though both are, but something is afoot. Also the fact that you didn’t seek for him might have helps him conforming his idea.

37. Push him against the wall, with a passionate kiss. And tell him to fuck you.

38. GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT.