I want to start by saying that I’m quite the opposite of being antisocial. I talk to everyone, try to be friendly, and enjoy having a good time. However, despite acting as a good friend, it seems like nobody wants to invite me to do anything. I’m the only one who seems interested in hanging out, and it’s disheartening to feel like others don’t care to see me. A recent example of this was when I discovered that I wasn’t included in a group chat with people I know very well. I struggle to find what’s the problem, and try talking to my friends about it, but nobody seems to care to help me. Do some of you guys have the same experience?
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I had a similar issue when I was in college. I made friends with people quickly but the group I made friends with probably wasnt the best friend group for me. They were just the first. I was very social with people, funny, etc. I started to feel expendable in that group early on but I thought it was just in my head. I remained friends with them throughout college. Junior year they all get an apartment together. They never asked me to join but I had also decided to dorm junior year so I assumed maybe they knew. Then a the months went by, they never invited me to any of their parties. I would see their social media and they had people they said they “hated” in their parties. I stopped hanging out with them and they tried to portray it as them doing nothing wrong and not sure why I dithced the group. I called them out and they started to invite me to their parties. But even when I got invited it felt forced. To cut a story short, I graduated about 6 years ago and I have only seen them like 3 times. I dont reach out to them but im kind to them when I reach out.
Nowadays I am much more social than I used to be. In college I was social but I mainly kept to myself. Like you I always been a good friend. I was always the guy reaching out to hangout and the few times my college friends reached out to me was to grab a bite to eat.
What I have learned is this. Be social with people, get their numbers and invite them to do things with you. Plan events, because honestly sometimes people just want the events to come to them. The events dont have to be big, even a small game night is fun.Or search for events around you and tell people about it. Once you gain enough trust people will want to hit you up when they have events going on. Before you do any of this, I think you should ditch your current friend group. They have proven that they dont see you the same way you see them. If they invite you somewhere and you want to go then great you should go. But stop reaching out to them unless you start seeing a better effort on their end that doesnt feel forced. An advice I heard a few years back and I wish I knew in college is “Go where you are celebrated and not where you are tolerated”.
Well, first of all, you need to stop lying to yourself about being funny, social and happy.
I don’t normally read post histories, but because your current post made no sense to me (I thought ‘why would anyone reject a winner?’ ) so I looked at your other posts. And oh boy, you are the direct opposite of social, funny and happy:
As per your own words, you admit you have very few friends and have never dated a girl or woman. You spend most of your time regretting past choices you made, or inactions that you didn’t make, you fear the future after college, and you appear almost clinically depressed.
Now, I am not judging any of that: many college students are in similar situations, and though you are shy, timid, fearful and introverted, that seems to be the emotional range you are comfortable with and enjoy being inside of, so no one else can really judge you.
But you do come across as extremely anti-social by general standards, and so the reason no one invites you anywhere is because you’d rather be living in your own head than in the moment. If I want to have a coffee with someone, I want them focused on me and paying attention on me, not dwelling on something that happened when they were 7, or anxious about a future still a year or two away.
You’re just way too hard on yourself, to the point where you’ve crippled your own confidence, and that is simply a turn-off for most people. Both parts of it: no one likes a judge, and no one likes a mouse. It really is true that people treat you the way you treat yourself.
So, you need to forgive yourself, forget the past and future, dress well, have good posture and good hygiene, and otherwise stop deliberately crippling yourself with inappropriate criticisms. Stop preferring your own negative, critical thoughts to the company of others and instead focus on everyone but yourself. Then you’ll have all the friends you could ever want!
Are you physically unattractive? It’s messed up but sometimes your physical appearance may bar you from forming meaningful connections.