I wish I had some proof, maybe I’m just sensitive, but I don’t think my brother really likes me. As a younger sister I have always looked up to my brother and loved him, but I feel like to him I’ve always just been his weird younger sister. The age gap doesn’t help as we have always been in different major areas of our lives, me in elementary him in high school, me in my early 20’s him with a family and kids. My sister in law comes from a big family and is super close with her siblings, and they’re all very close to my brother. When it comes to seeing him or spending time with him, I feel like whenever I say something he will just shut me down or laugh at me. If I say/ask something sometimes he won’t even address me, just ignore. He’s very smart and safe to say I have other talents, maybe he finds me boring? I made decorations for my nephews birthday party and when I showed up to decorate, my sister in laws family was there all laughing and eating lunch together, while I was expected to get in decorate and leave until the party. Sure we get along cordially, we don’t really fight, he just doesn’t seem to really care. I feel like I need to be doing something exciting with my life for him to show interest (exciting being a fancy job or big school). It’s hard as well when I seem to care more, maybe I don’t reach out as much as I should, but when I do it feels short. I’m unsure about what I should do, suck it up and accept we may just not be close? Reach out more? I just don’t want to regret getting older and not being close with my brother.
TLDR; brother (31M) doesn’t really seem to care or like me (24F) unsure of what to do
2 comments
Tell him you wish you had a closer relationship, because it seems like he doesn’t really like you.
Have you tried talking to him?
I have a younger brother. Our age gap is not as big, but he is extremely different than me. Our personalities have always been that way. I’m a pretty classic extrovert, and he is essentially the opposite.
Right around the time he reached your age, he was brave enough to let me know – kindly, but directly – that I did not make him feel very appreciated. He simply expressed that I tended to make him feel like I did not like or care about him. He mentioned specific moments I made him feel that way (even though that was never my intention), and he was very open about the fact that he wished we could be closer.
I love my brother. I genuinely did not realize I was making him feel that way. I’m just older, like to live a super busy life, and was a little too focused on myself to realize how he was feeling. As much as it hurt to hear, I love him so much more than I care about protecting my own ego. So, I am eternally grateful he just let me know how he was feeling, so I could do my part to be a little more considerate. We are now much closer (like make the effort to hang out more regularly, text a lot, etc.), and I feel more confident now he knows how much I care about him.
Back then, in my mind, I was just giving him a ton of space to do his own thing, because it genuinely always seemed to me like that’s when he was happiest. But from his perspective, I was ignoring or even abandoning him. My point is that people are not psychic. You won’t ever really know how he feels about you and your relationship unless you have a conversation with him.
If talking it out sounds too hard or awkward, you can also use a voice message, a letter, or even a thoughtful text. I personally always prefer to write when it comes to hard convos like these, so I can make sure I’m expressing myself exactly the way I want to. I will re-write my drafts until I feel certain that I’m communicating my feelings as clearly as possible. That can help minimize my stress around making sure I say everything perfect in a real conversation, as well as allow the other person time to really think about what I’ve shared, instead of react immediately while we’re speaking. Just an idea.
I think you sound very sweet and kind. Anyone would be lucky to be your big brother. I cannot guarantee that your brother is a good enough person to recognize that, but I hope you know that it’s still true no matter how he responds.
If you let him know how you feel and how you wish you could be closer, and he doesn’t feel the same, then at least you’ll know and be able to set your expectations for him accordingly. But you might also be surprised by what he shares about his own feelings or POV of your relationship. The only way you can know is to communicate.