I became friends with this guy X, not long ago and we happened to meet at a friend’s dinner and started chatting naturally. He is generally friendly and fun and easy to talk to. He also told me about his long time girlfriend and because we were just talking and connecting non romantically, i didn’t think much of it. Our mutual friend has been hosting some casual gatherings and we’ve met after that several times, and we seem to enjoy each others company whenever we get some one on one conversation. Often, he sticks around for a long time and we just talk, in a casual friendly manner, our conversations are always real and meaningful and we have built a connection of sorts.
Now, i’m confused as to whether he’s just super friendly and comfortable with me, or is he expressing attraction/ playfully flirting with me? He likes to sit physically close to me whenever we’re diving into a long conversation, maintains prolonged eye contact, and will occasionally touch my shoulder or my back. He leans towards/into me. When we last met, we were talking about hair somehow and i touched his hair saying something about how it looks really soft. He said that it felt really nice and if i could do that again. So i ran my hand through his hair and we were laughing, it wasn’t intense or anything, but he seemed to enjoy it a lot. A while later, he bends his head down and it seemed like he was signalling for me to do it again. I was confused and i just went for it lol, i don’t know. So that happened and he was again, into it (?) i don’t know how to perceive it though. We were listening to music and talking and he wouldn’t break eye contact. I was acting pretty normal like it’s no biggie but i was feeling something i don’t know, maybe it was just me. So i jokingly ask him why’s he looking at me like that, and he says no reason. and continues to look at me with a slight soft smile, very relaxed and easy in the moment sort of. so i was like ok i’m going to stare back at you. and so we just locked our gaze and i don’t know it felt very intimate. so after a while he says, ‘you have nice eyes’. but in a very casual friendly manner. anyway we continued talking. another thing that happened was that in mid conversation, he held up my hands and looked at them and i was like what? and he says, just admiring your veins. (we’ve talked about that before, i was showing him how the veins on my hand form a letter) (that sounds so weird saying out loud). he’s complimented me a few times, just casually and in a friendly way.
other than that, he talks to me like a friend and we seem to connect and just enjoy hanging out together
he’s in a happy relationship with his gf, they seem v stable and happy.
so what is his deal? i’m so confused lol
tl;dr — recently befriended a happily committed guy and it seems like he sometimes playfully flirts with me? am i reading into it wrongly
6 comments
It’s flirtatious, and wildly inappropriate given his relationship.
He’s flirting with you and you’re flirting with him, and you’re both pretending that maybe you’re not to alleviate the shame of cheating.
Totally both flirting. Totally unacceptable. Would you like this situation to happen between a bf and another girl? You need to stop and he needs a reality check.
Ya no sis, there’s no somehow, you’re definitely flirting with the dude as well, it’s not one of those I’m gonna touch your hair it’s so soft! Damnn!!
It’s more like a quiet moment touching the hair, slow and intimate.
Set boundaries, don’t sit next to him too close, better yet, talk to him less especially alone. Never flirt with a taken guy, homewrecker is not a good look sis
You are having an emotional affair and it is bordering physical. Would you want someone touching your bf and doing those things?
He is flirting whether on purpose or by accident. MOST guys really like attention and affection, especially physical touch. It sounds like you are doing all the things that grab his attention but remember prolonged eye conteact isn’t “flirting” it means you have his attention, like all of his attention and that’s why small gestures feel so impactful, he is investing in you and you are reciprocating.
If you are not trying to be a home wrecker just put some more space between you, involve his partner when you might end up alone together.
I definitely advocate for reminding him if his relationship especially since it seems like you are the one who started the flirting and he’s not just following along any more but you can still stop him at any point, assuming he’s not a bad guy, and settle things down with a few words.
I really hope you can still be friends and not wreck any serious relationships. Good luck OP🫂💙