A just caught a Hessian stealing my cabbages. What do I do with him?

10 comments

1. Turn him over to the magistrate in the shire in which ye dwell so that he may be pressed into service for the King.

2. Whatever you do, don’t confiscate his Christmas feast and libations.

   No reason. Just, it would be mean, right?

3. If he filed his teeth into spikes, somehow is carrying a sword that looks like a katana and looks remarkable like Christopher Walken.
   Do not cut off his head.

4. Beheading.

5. Take his boots.

6. The pigs are hungry.

7. Send him to me. I’m a female Hessian and will take care of them. And the cabbage.

8. Age the cabbage in a crock and make him eat it then!

9. Send a message to your Lord Governor’s agent. His regiment will reclaim him and hang him. You will get ten shillings. Win-win!

10. At least it wasn’t a cabbage cart and good thing people can’t manipulate air in a way that can damage cabbages or carts.