I suck at being a good husband. When I was struggling with depression, I used to yell and complain. Now I hate contention and avoid anything that can be difficult. I complain too much. I am dissatisfied with our family. Etc and many more.

I want to be an awesome husband. Is there a book that tells a man how to be awesome at all important aspects. Husband for Dummies or similar. Something that covers all the key points?

15 comments

  1. No more Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. The title is a bit misleading. It’s more about how to stop avoiding conflict and start addressing difference in a more constructive way.

  3. Honestly, reading this sub will give you a good idea of what drives women to the point where they consider divorce.

    It’s like a “don’t do this” guide.

  5. DBT therapy or at least a book on it. Very helpful for depression and processing negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.

  6. Individual Counseling, if you can improve your mental health you’ll become a better husband by default…. I also suggest counseling because the problems you’ve highlighted seem to stem from your own mental health issues.

  11. It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do about being a man. That comes first.

  12. A therapist will help you navigate the hurdles you have. Wanting to be a better husband is a good start, but you need to be a better person for yourself to be able to be a better spouse. It *will* show in your marriage when you work on yourself for yourself. Then you can work on things from there.

  13. Seek counseling. They may provide you materials or they can help you seek medical treatment if it appears to be that. You have the desire and these are people who can help you find the tools.

  14. Resources are great but intentionality is better. No book, guide, or course will replace a heart that strives to put your wife first in all things by acting with intentionality.

    Love isnt a feeling of butterflies, or the manic behavior of a enraptured lover. Love is the willingness to put anothers needs wants and desires above your own. Its the willingness to subordinate your well being for hers.

    Just realize life isnt always flowers and chocolate but you make the choice to fall in love each day by pouring your time, energy and resources and if shes the right helpmate she will do the same.

    Successfull marriages arent each person giving 50% its both people giving 100% selling out for one another.

    Word for the wise… stay away from porn depleting the sexual energy put of the relationship will tear it apart in the end.

  15. Make a list of everything you wish you were doing or were better at (ie, telling your wife she looks pretty, doing a chore without complaining, etc) and pick one thing you think you will be able to do right now. Then, do it consistently until it becomes second nature. Every few weeks pick another one and add it onto the mix.

    Fixing your mental health and self-love is 100% part of it, but doing the daily work to change your habits and actions is a huge element.

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