I’m new (ish) to dating, and definitely new to meeting a genuine guy who actually cares about me (mainly because I’ve only done “Covid dating” so mostly virtual dates, or that i’ve only had max 3 dates with the same guy in the past). I’ve been seeing a guy for about two months now, about 5-6 dates so far, and I honestly really enjoy hanging out with him and his companionship especially. It’s really clear that he cares about me, is a gentleman, respects me, remembers the little details about me, is so considerate about me. He even spent my birthday with me, and was so sweet. We really do have a lot of similarities in many things, and I always enjoy our time together. There’s still something I’m still iffy on and holding me back, but it’s been a really new experience for me.
One thing that holds me back is he’s really careful (but in good intention) about any intimacy. Like I don’t even think I’ve properly hugged him yet…He’s new to this i, bc I’m the first girl he’s every dated….so I’ve really only gotten like quick kisses from him and they are awkward ish, which I’ve never dealt with before. Usually guys are upfront about it and lead, but he’s clueless to that. I would take lead on that, but part of me just isn’t attracted to him physically but i think it’s because he is not the usually type I go for looks wise. He dresses well, and works out 4 times a week. But doesn’t have the most attractive face to me. So I’m stuck. and I don’t have enough dating experience to know if this is something I can get over long term. Because he’s so kind and I enjoy hanging out with him and he’s so caring to me, but it’s like he’s not the best with leading and like not initiating any physical subtle touches either. I’m not sure what to make of this, but it’s really holding me back. A body can be improved on, but a face? I don’t know. and I don’t want to sound like a horrible person and write him off as a result. What do I do?
TLDR; Met a sweet caring and amazing guy personality wise, but not super attracted to his face (but he does work out and dress well) and he’s a noob when it comes to leading and initiating anything intimate. Should I cut right now or see where this goes?
5 comments
You shouldn’t keep dating a person to whom you’re not attracted, whether physically or toward his intimate confidence. That’s just a waste of time for both. Imagine if it goes somewhere and then stalls because you don’t get over it. “Hey I know we’ve been together months/years but I don’t like your face.” That would be damn near actual evil.
Nope, cut it off. Physical attraction isn’t something that’s fully under our control, and if it ain’t there it ain’t there. You both deserve someone you’re nuts for.
You’re not a horrible person for not finding every guy in the world attractive. You don’t owe this guy anything and you shouldn’t date him if you feel off. (as an aside, you shouldn’t date someone that has a body you feel “needs to be improved on” either).
Attraction can grow over time, you sometimes fall for people not quite your type but in my experience, there has to be SOMETHING. A spark, a single butterfly, a hmmh, yeah I think he’s cute. It doesn’t just happen after 7 dates, you know? If he’s ugly to you then he’s ugly and not amount of waiting is going to change that.
Don’t waste your time with a person you don’t feel attracted to. And don’t waste his. There has to be some type of visceral thing you feel about a person (and I’m not saying these types of sparks don’t have to be interrogated), but in my experience, if you don’texperience that ineffable something that draws you to a person, you’re saving yourself a lot of grief by bowing out early (and perhaps you are reading, by his lack of initiative, that he isn’t that attracted to you, either?).
Yes. Because he deserves to be with someone who finds him attractive.
How would you feel if your partner didn’t find you attractive?