How do you gain someone’s trust back after they lied to you?

10 comments

1. If they lie to me they have to gain my trust. And it depends on the lie and who did the lying.

   As for if I fuck up, just time and showing through actions that I’m going to do better

2. If someone lies to me, they will never again hold the same level of trust as before. Each lie erodes it more, and no amount of trying to make it up with apologies and promises to do better can change that for me. That’s just the new max trust level I have for that person going forward. It won’t increase.

   Trust is built by being proven trustworthy over time. It can be broken in an instant in ways that can never be repaired.

3. I do my best not to lie, especially to those I care about. Ive told white lies and such but I have never lied in such a way that I needed to beg forgiveness or gain trust back so I can’t speak on that.

   I have been lied to though. Countless times.

   It really depends on the lie, severity of it and the *reasoning* behind it. I will hear them out and listen to whatever they have to say but ultimately their actions moving forward will determine whether or not I can trust again.

4. Personally, depending on what they’ve lied about I’ll either cut them off completely or will work towards forgiving them for my own sake but I wouldn’t ever trust them again.

5. If I find out someone’s lied to me, there’s nothing they can do to gain my trust back.

6. [removed]

7. depends on the lie. if it something small, i’ll be upset but then i’ll want to know why they lied to me and work it out with them. if it’s something BIG, like not telling me they served time/had a secret kid/are still married, etc. now were going to have some problems and i’ll most likely be done with them

8. I mean I’ll never look at you the same… I mean it’ll be more accurate picture of the person I would think.

   The maximum amount of trust possible will be lower.

9. As someone that has struggled with compulsive lying in the past due to severe abuse and neglect as a child, I can say with certainty that lying will always cause doubt in the mind. In my relationships in my early 20s, I wouldn’t lie about big important things, but always about little unimportant things, and once I was caught in those little lies it didn’t matter what truth I said afterwards, every thing out of my mouth was subject to doubt and investigation.

   At this point, I practice compulsive honesty. And sometimes, I catch myself in the middle of a small lie and I will right then and there tell the person I was talking to “I apologize, that wasn’t the truth. This is truth.” Most recent version was I was heading to a friends place but forgot something at my house and had to turn around, thus being late. I started making up a story about traffic, but caught myself in the middle of it and told my friends “Sorry, that wasn’t honest. I was dumb and forgot something and I’m going to be late” And he knows me and my past with compulsive lying, he just laughed it off like it was nothing.

   Being honest about who you are as a person can help in situations like this, all my close friends know my compulsive lying history. I don’t hide it anymore, and thus have become a more reliable person overall.

   It’s a hard trait to shake off, most of the lying is not done consciously, I often catch myself in the middle or directly after a lie. The lying developed as a survival tactic with my abusers, white lies often saved me from a beating or food restriction, but big lies led to even heavier abuse when caught.

10. I’m generally quite giving with my trust and if you hurt me or lie to me, you can experience my trust again by actively showing me over an undisclosed period of time that you’re trustworthy and a good friend. If I cherish the relationship and I’ve done something to break their trust, I’d do the same-continually show them that I’m a good friend who made a mistake and that I’m deserving of their trust.