Unmatch or nah?

25 comments

1. My honest opinion is you are way overthinking this. If you want to go out with him and he with you then go out with him. If he doesn’t then move on. It’s way too early to be reading into things already.

   Also I will add that what you have experienced is probably 95% of what I as a guy experience with every single match. Most women don’t respond, when they do it’s slow. My guess is it’s the same for most men. If I cut off everyone that was slow to respond on an app I would never go out in a date.

2. You’re still messaging in app and it was one message, if you’d met it would be different. Go on the drink and see

3. Or…he probably already had a couple women he was talking to at that point. You got set aside until he worked out what he thought of them. Then, a couple days later, he got back to you because one or more of his prior connections didn’t pan out.

   Most of us can only devote so much attention in so many directions at once.

4. Do you want to unmatch him because he said your message was the most thoughtful one he’s gotten on an app or is it really because it took him 3 days to respond?

   If it’s the message, then go. I mean you see how low effort people are with OLD. I don’t think it’s ridiculous to be shocked someone put actual effort into a message in OLD. I think he just meant it as some compliment. It’s not an indicator that he can’t have deep or meaningful conversation, but more a sign of how bad OLD can be.

   If you’re mad it took him three days to respond, I’d still go. Although this is a worse sign to me than the message itself, you are still strangers and OLD is not always top of everyone’s priority list.

5. People do get busy. I wouldn’t let the first blip (one like this, anyway) rule him out. If it’s a pattern, maybe your communication is incompatible. Too soon to know right now.

6. >I’m currently leaning to the side that says if he is this shocked by a single well-written message, I don’t think he’d be able to handle me in person and would probably ditch me out of insecurity.

   Huh? Where are you getting that he was “this shocked”?? You recently matched with a guy. Lots of people take a few days to reply on dating apps when they first match. Sounds like the dude was busy with other aspects of his life and wasn’t that focused on some random woman he’s never met. He apologized, said he liked your response, and would like to see you. Sounds perfectly normal to me.

7. I’d say if you’re this petty you shouldn’t be dating.

8. You’re def overthinking. It’s just a match and one message, nobody owes each other anything. Go out if you feel good about him.

9. You probably came across as too keen if you’re replying with big messages as an opener.

10. No rational decision can be made here if you haven’t even met the guy yet. Go have a drink and TRY TO HAVE FUN.

11. Definitely way overthinking this and also shouldn’t be assuming people aren’t into you due to insecurities from one simple message. Seems like a big time stretch. I’d work on readjusting your attitude towards this in general and, respectfully, lighten up a bit towards people’s replies. A lot of people take a light-hearted approach to online dating.

12. I want a partner who matches my intent and thoughtfulness.
    Men send countless “hey what’s up this weekend” messages to hundreds of women.
    If that’s his level of effort-I’d unmatch.
    Even his explanation doesn’t jive-if he was so blown away why would he not jump on it immediately in fear of never receiving another message like that?
    Instead he “had to process it”?
    I call bullshit.

13. Get a drink and have a good time. He might very well be able to handle you in person, now that the initial shock wore off and he had time to mentally prepare.

14. While I agree with others that it was only one message and no one owes anyone anything, I think it’s your bullshit radar going off. 3 days to process a message? Nah, he was busy with something else and couldn’t justify a casual 3 day late response to a thoughtful message so he came up with this. I’d respect him much more if he simply said he was busy, or no excuse at all just addressed what you said in yours as if he responded right away. So while others think you might be too uptight, I too can’t stand being bullshitted (if that’s a word) so would just ignore him and move on.

15. Stunned into silence or he forgot about it, or didn’t have time to write an equally thoughtful response, or was tired, or didn’t check the app for a few days, or felt like keeping it light that night and moved onto another conversation but appreciated your response enough to circle back … I wouldn’t put any stock into communication patterns in an app before meeting (other than displaying obvious red flags like outright rude behavior).

16. This is the most thoughtful post I’ve seen on this app. Stunned.

17. Why are you making this so hard!? Dating is supposed to be fun. Stop worrying about every little thing, and just go out, have fun, and see what happens. Is that really so hard to do?

18. My guess is he spent time with someone else this weekend or was too busy to take the time to send a good reply to a well-written message. Who knows.

    >I’ve just had a lot of experiences with people who have ended up ditching me due to their own insecurities and doubts despite being as interested as this guy seems to.

    This is interesting. Either you’re correct and he would be the same or your conclusion has a flaw yet to be discovered. Maybe there’s another reason, or maybe it’s impossible to know accurately. I guess if you’re comfortable unmatching to never actually know, you could do that. If you met him and ended up being right, then you’d feel like you wasted time but would know for sure. Who knows.

19. I mean what are you expecting from strangers who don’t know you yet? What do you feel you are owed from them?

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    I can be pretty rigid with my own standards and expectations but I don’t take anything seriously before actually meeting! You have no idea what could be happening in someone’s life and furthermore, there’s no need to take anything personal from someone who doesn’t know you at ALL. If you want to meet him just go, I personally see nothing that should be considered a strike here.

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    Let’s say worst case he was sooooo busy dating a bunch of other women – who cares since he just asked you out? What if y’all meet and have an amazing time and then he shifts his whole focus on to you? Are you going to continue holding his delayed intial response against him? Don’t overthink it!

20. Honestly, everyone will tell you someone different. For me, I’ve come to learn before I meet a guy, I’m more flexible with slow replies to some degree. After we meet, I’d expect more consistency. But I’ve also learned some guys won’t demonstrate consistency at all. I think if you’re on the fence, you should try and see how it goes. Eventually with experience, you’ll know what you’re willing to tolerate and not. When I first started, I tolerated slow replies a lot.

    Eventually with a number of matches, I absolutely didn’t tolerate it. I tolerate once a day replies up until we meet, but if it’s consistent after I confront and move on. As I’m here to find a LP! So ultimately, it depends on you. Be you and know that if a guy was meant for you, he won’t be surprised and etc., over anything. You go girl!

21. >I don’t think he’d be able to handle me in person and would probably ditch me out of insecurity

    You’ve invented the ability to predict the future??? Share with the class how you do this?

22. I would just meet and see how it goes. People have lives, he’s obviously not much invested from a couple of messages, but could get interested after meeting & end up being a great candidate

23. In my experience an opening like that usually indicates low level of interest and I wouldn’t respond w a long message in the first place. I’d unmatch bc he actually doesn’t seem interested enough, given the low effort message and late reply. Him apologizing and asking for availability simply means he *might* want to meet up but men who did this w me (esp when they’re not enthusiastic/responsive enough from the beginning) turned out to be flakes, 100%.

    I have since only responded to men who show clear interest and it’s significantly improved my dating life. Not saying that lukewarm beginnings never work but it’s more efficient and less confusing to match their level of investment.

24. You can go but maybe keep your expectations in check. Honestly, the delay in response (he was stunned for three days?!) and the suggestion of a drink date on the weekend just kinda rubs me the wrong way. It all feels so low effort. Like very low effort.

25. You’re reading far too much into what is essentially zero interaction with this guy. Even people that you think you vibe with on text turn out to be duds in person. Just go with your gut on this and see him if you want to. Ultimately, I think it’s pointless to be thinking so hard about this relatively short and trivial interaction. That will only lead to frustration for you on the apps.

    But if I was you, I would not agree to a date with this guy because he’s put zero effort into engaging with you through text so far. The least the guy could do is have a few back and forths to see if there’s a vibe first.