I’m a mid-20s male, full of contradictions. I adore women and find them deeply fascinating and lovable. Have been told to be very charismatic and good looking. I’m a hopeless romantic, but I’m aware that much of it is fantasy. Romantic thinking is my way of coping or escaping reality at times.
Anyway, I’ve slept with only 4 women in my life (2 girlfriends, 1 FWB, and 1 ONS). I’ve had many opportunities, but I need chemistry and bonding rather than just looks. Likely a demisexual. Looks matter ofc, but there has to be an initial spark, or it’s like talking to a carrot!
This has led to pressure and sadness because I wish I could show my adoration for all women and not get turned off so easily. I start with adoration, but it usually ends with disappointment or self-blame.
I dislike clubs because they don’t give a chance to check for spark and bond if you don’t dance. To me, they’re are super loud environments filled with drunken lust among dancing carrots!! I know not all people in clubs are like that, but I still struggle with the impression and judgement.
Wish I wasn’t so focused on chemistry and didn’t judge people so harshly. I can’t tell whether these beliefs and traits are just part of who I am or if I need to change. I’ve tried to ignore the lack of chemistry and focus on the good things about women I meet, like most other people seem to do – but to no avail..
I’m a highly social guy and can strike up interesting and deep emotional conversations with random people. I don’t have an issue talking and attracting women, but without chemistry, I freeze.
Clubbing isn’t my main issue, but it’s a great example of my struggle with chemistry. I’ve been to clubs over 100 times, even internationally recognized ones in Vegas, but I always leave feeling useless, empty, and unattractive because I can’t fake interest.
Most of my encounters leave me feeling incapable and like I’ve missed an opportunity to sleep with or date a good woman. I wonder how others manage without the spark, as they seem to have an easier time with these things.
Apologies if my thoughts seem scattered; I have ADHD. Any comments or advice are much appreciated:)