Should I cut off all of my friends because they created a separate group chat without me?

34 comments

1. I wouldn’t cut them off completely but i would distance from them and focus on your goals. I would stop messaging/contacting them. They aren’t worth your time and effort if they treat you like that.

2. Stop watering a dead plant. If they dont contact u first. Find new friends.

3. Don’t make a big deal of it, just casually distance yourself. Through absence you may gain some respect. Focus on yourself and your future, true friends are rare.

4. Don’t cut them out just because you’re not at the center of their friend group. Some ok friends are better than no friends at all.

   Just because they hang out without you or don’t invite you to everything doesn’t mean your not still their friend. You’re just probably not as close of a friend to them as they are to each other, and thats totally ok. You can still be friends with them.

5. I didn’t, then they all just left and now I am completely alone.

   Going on almost three years of pseudo-isolation. I am going insane, and am desperate for anything at this point.

6. Mentally downgrade them to acquaintances.
   Yes, it hurts to learn this but it is better this way so that you’re not giving more than you receive in a friendship. Myself, I never want to be an after thought.

   So you have 2 choices. Go with the flow and let the acquaintanceship dissipate while finding new friends that appreciate you.
   Or reevaluate and see if there’s anyone you really don’t want to lose as a friend and slowly work on strengthening that friendship. Talk to them. Be real with them. Ask them if there are things you can improve.

   Edit: also now you’re in your coworkers shoes. So if you find your coworker annoying like in your previous post, do you think your friends feel that way too? If so, then how would you want this to go.

7. You can still be with them but you don’t have to treat them like they’re the last people on earth, hang out if _you_ feel like it

8. Create more dynamics, you have something to offer that no one else does, yourself. My old friends have several text threads that leave someone out, and I am almost positive that I am left out of some as well.

9. If you have social anxiety, a horrible truth is that your anxiety will make other people feel uneasy. And this may be why they choose to hang out without you sometimes. Anxiety holds you back from opening up and being yourself, which is important for real social connection. And it also means that your friends probably aren’t rejecting the authentic you.

   Don’t cut them off. Instead, work on opening up to them a bit more. Ask them to hang out one on one and go for a drive or play games or do a craft. Something where you’re sitting alongside each other rather than facing them directly. And try opening up to them about your social anxiety or something personal. Ask them questions back to try to build your bond more.

   It’s hurtful when we are left out but it usually isn’t really personal or a reflection of your worth.

10. Group chats are annoying anyway. If there’s one friend in the group you get along with more than the others, just text them and meet up with them. It’s ok to nurture one friendship more and still enjoy the others friendships.

11. i have several group chats with various different friends. I wouldn’t take it personally, some we have for certain things we do together, like my DND group chat, then there is the main chat with the boys and various ones we set up for outings or events. You are in A group chat, that means those guys wanted you there focus on that. I have a friend that is or was part of my main group that we removed because someone (multiple) didnt get along with him or he was starting shit but that guy is still a friend just not in that group, those of us still hanging out with him just keep another chat sans the people who didnt get along with him. Wouldnt call anyone a filler friend everyone is equal. in their own way at least

12. I feel the same way! My friends hang out all the time and don’t invite me. They recently went on a trip together and I only found out through Instagram. But instead of feeling jealous I wished them the best and liked their stupid post haha. I have more important things in my life that are better deserving of my energy and time so I decided to focus my energy on that instead. Before I knew it I had completely forgotten about being left out 🙂

13. I’d rather be a filler friend than not have any friends at all.
    You still go to parties, you might end up in a deep conversation with someone there who either ends up as your best friend or partner.

14. It sounds like they see you as a friend in their extended circle whereas you see them as your core friends.. you don’t have to cut them off just see them as a casual friendship group instead

15. in my experience when i was younger in similar situations with friends id completely stop reaching out to them and go do my own hobbies.

    reacting emotionally and confronting never goes like how we would want in our minds, and it definitely wont make them want to hang out with you more

    just like an intimate relationship, you can’t negotiate someone wanting to hang out with you. do your own thing screw em

16. Creating a healthy distance is better. I’m going through a similar situation. My close group of friends whom I considered my people started hanging out without me. I don’t have proof that there’s a separate group chat, but I see instagram stories of them together all the time. This really depressed me for a while and I was feeling lost and rejected. My fear of losing them like many other friendships in my life before had come true. But eventually I focused on the good things of losing them. I don’t have to deal with the pressure of saying yes to plans, I feel more free to use my time focusing on myself and talking to new people. It’s kind of empowering to realise that you are still fine without the support system you relied on so much.

    Yes, maybe you will miss out on some fun times without your friends but use this as an opportunity to find to new people that respect and value you. Don’t pressurise yourself like I did. It is okay to be without friends for a while. I mean I still have mine as “friends” but I have emotionally detached myself from them and don’t communicate or reach out from my end unless there’s a plan in the group that includes everyone.

17. Don’t cut them off. We don’t always get invited to everything, just the way it goes. I would probably try to start to branch out in terms of other friend groups and be open to some new experiences, you can stay friends with these people and also go on to make even better friends.

18. I wouldn’t cut them off but definitely lessen your availability. Make it a priority to meet new people. I recommend looking for meet-ups in your area that pertain to your hobbies.

    There’s also other subreddits that will give you the opportunity to talk to others that share your interests.

    I promise you, there are other cool people to meet.

19. Friend groups are made up of best friends who join forces with other best friends and bring extras in. Typical friend groups are four people of the same gender or it’s like maybe a couple of gay guys and two straight women and they go club hopping together or something. Say like they were all bffs in high school. Then someone goes: “Bring that new guy from your new job after work on Friday. He seems cool.” So someone brings him. But he’s an extra and he’s an add on and a fifth wheel if they have some chat group where they reminisce and talk about all the secrets they keep for each other for the past ten years. Maybe that’s you.TLDR: they’ve known each other longer and want to gossip about people you don’t know and bring up embarrassing things only they know about each other.

20. No. I’m in one of those chats without certain people and it’s just because wed like the organize certain stuff without them. We still hang out with them from time. Its just certain activities

21. There might be a reason.

    For example, they smoke weed and you don’t. They talk about a certain sport that you don’t. Having specific groups for specific interests isn’t that strange.

    Wait till some of your friends start having children and see what happens then!

    I bet if you did a poll, the older the person, the more reasonable they would consider this.

22. How do they treat you when you do spend time with them? I had “friends” like this. They used me to make their trips cheaper, were not kind to me when I was around, and finally took a trip without me to punish me for not immediately inviting them to stay in my apartment after I moved to a popular city. I wasn’t their friend I was a way to subsidize their vacations and look cooler because of my social media presence. I stopped speaking to them after they took their trip without me and my dad died a short while later. I did not receive even a text from any of them despite having been their “friend” for FIVE YEARS and them watching every story I posted ab my dad. I have 0 regrets about cutting them off. True friends are hard to come by but I’m genuinely happier without the fake ones. People can be horrible.

23. Don’t cut then off completely, just treat them the way they treat you. Don’t hang out with them every time they ask. Explore other interests – classes, groups, organizations, etc and start doing things without them. You WILL meet other friends

24. They are acquaintances. You dont always invite acquaintances, just to big events and when you randomly think about them.

    Use them to find other people and to have to fun losely, dont rely on them.

25. I had the same situation long back. I used that opportunity to filter my friend circle. I compared my nature with their nature. I am not a introvert but i was careful. I was not a party killer but i was not a party rat as well. I didn’t like to stay outside late night. I drink very limited. I was focused n careful most of the time. The more i compared i found that only 1 or 2 friends i have were similar to me.

26. I would take what you know, and move accordingly. I would probably put them in the category of casual acquaintances/party friends. If they haven’t been overtly insulting or rude, I wouldn’t cut them off, and I’d still hang out when invited, but just know these are not your ride or die BFFs. They can be useful in terms of getting out and socializing, maybe even meeting new people while you’re out with them.

    There are different categories and levels of closeness of friends. I think it’s actually a good thing to have some party friends.

27. “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” -Maya Angelou

28. A lot of bad advice here, the solution to anti-social behavior is not more anti-social behavior. Keep talking with them, keep talking with new people, put yourself first.

29. All the advice in here is strange. It is very normal for people to have multiple group chats with different sets of purple in it. I have chats where the only difference between one chat and another is one or two people and the reason I use the smaller chat is because there are conversations that since involve the other people.

    One example I had yesterday is that my friend in the 4 person group chat asked if we wanted to go to trivia. We used to talk about this in the 5 person group chat that consisted of the same people plus one more but that 5th person has a very draining work schedule so she is never able to make it out plus she lives about 40 minutes away. It doesn’t make sense to include her in these plans now because she would just feel left out for not being able to make it.

30. naw, no need to cut them off. keep them around as casual friends, but look for new friends. you’re not a core friend to them unfortanutely, but you don’t have to be. if they want to include you in the group they will.

    it’s normal for friend groups to split off into separate friend groups.

    for example, within my friend group, i have smaller friend groups that likes to travel a lot together, another that plays board games, still another that likes to explore different areas of town. and we are doing fine, we don’t always need to hang out as one friend group sometime.

31. Stay away from them before they sacrifice you

32. New friends new friends new friends

33. Then find new ones man. Move on and don’t let there attitude keep you from finding another group that meets your needs. If it happens multiple times, it becomes a pattern, look for help.

34. Im a big proponent of treating everyone like your best friend and see who returns that good energy. Don’t waste time on non responsive peeps!