I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (23m) for about 3.5 years. A couple of weeks ago he mentioned that he doesn’t feel wanted anymore and that I never initiate sex and he’s feeling down and frustrated about that. I completely understand why he’s feeling that way and I feel really bad.
Even though we’ve been together for a while, I still get very nervous/anxious about sex. I was having painful sex for a while (I got the problem sorted), but I think there is still some fear that there will be pain again. I also have performance anxiety and I worry that I’m doing a bad job. I also feel so awkward when initiating sex. But once we are actually doing it, I have a good time.
I really want to work on this and become more confident and forward with him and sex but not sure how I should go about it?
4 comments
It’s hard once he mentions it because now it will feel fake. You have to talk about it more and he needs to know it’s a joint activity. He’s a guy, we’re simple just grab his dick in the kitchen or something. Road head. Just catch him guard it shouldn’t take too much if you are as bad as you feel like you are.
You should tell him about it. Communication is key 😊
Don’t think about it as initiating sex! Think about it as initiating kissing. Then initiating a lil groping. Then initiating some grinding, some less-clothedness, etc….
It’s weird to jump from like, sitting next to each other to the idea of sex. Take the little steps one at a time. When you want to make out with your boyfriend, make out with him! And see where it goes from there.
Talk to him.
You’d be surprised how many conversations can be solved by communicating with your partner. Build up the courage to tell him what you posted here – that intimacy makes you nervous until things are going well, that you’re worried you’ll make a mistake, that you have concerns that the experience may not be as enjoyable for him as it is for you. I bet that if you do, you’ll find that he may have some of the same concerns.
You also need to talk after you two are intimate. When you try something “new”, talk to him later to find out if that new thing worked, didn’t work, or he didn’t even notice. In the end, even though it’s been three and a half years, you’re still exploring each other. You’re still exploring what works between you two and what doesn’t. Neither of you are mind readers so unless you talk about it, it can never get better.