I (30F) was ghosted my someone (33M) after dating for 4 months- I caught him in a lie and asked him about it and haven’t heard back since.

39 comments

1. [removed]

2. I’d be inclined to believe that there’s more to the lie than what he led on and if you pressed the issue further it would’ve all unravelled.

   Shitty for him to decide that ghosting you made more sense than just being honest but it’s probably for the best

3. Maybe talk to a therapist.

4. Let him go. He has proven to not be trustworthy. You’re better than that.

5. [deleted]

6. Honestly, I’ve been caught in contradictory statements before. Not a big lie, just something that didn’t add up. I left out of embarrassment

7. Doesn’t sound like much of a loss, you caught him lying and instead of being forthcoming about it he stops talking to you entirely. Guy sounds like a ticking time bomb.

8. Believe me, better to find out he’s a shifty person now than 17 years after you married him. Which is what happened to me

9. I was totally in love with this woman and we had a child two years in to our marriage. She was diagnosed bipolar 5years after our marriage. She was a cheater and I didn’t realize how much. Hard to leave your child with a cheating mother, so I hung as long as I could. My daughter is 14 now. But what I’m saying is don’t waste anymore time on this freak because there is more than likely a underlying problem.

10. I’m sorry for being so direct, but I don’t want you to have to live like I did. Probably narcissistic disorder also. They can’t stand to be accused of anything. Hope you can live without this guy.

11. Keep that attitude and you will be fine. Be strong

12. Because he’s an asshole. He did you a favor. Unfortunately it’s time for you to move on.

13. Closing off all contact is a huge red flag. Keeping lines of communication open in a relationship forces people to work out their problems like mature adults. Ghosting someone means they’re running away. You just can’t do that. Even if you wanted to end things there’s a mature way of doing it. You’re better off now not hearing back.

14. He probably figured it would be easier to ghost you than it was to explain the lie. Maybe it was tied to something worse but in any case you may have just dodged a bullet. I know it may not ease the pain immediately but it might be something to take comfort in. You don’t have to worry about a liar anymore. I hope things get better soon!

15. He’s a boy still real man would least told you the way it was face to face and have sex 1 last time lol you know we would

16. Blue collar man here don’t got enough money to court multiple women lol

17. I get dirty at work would also need shower assistant to for check handover

18. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I wish I had comforting words for you, but you’ll get this through this and I’m sure there’s a better fit for you, so don’t let it beat you down, I’m hoping the best comes your way.

19. Sounds like drama… If you knew he lied then why confront him , especially the fact you knew you should have just ghosted him! You women already know the truth then why put yourselves through all the heartache 👍🏿💯
    There is no future with a liar besides the future lying…..
    My advice….. Move on be grateful he’s gone💯

20. I was ghosted after months dating bc I had told him something that he apparantly didnt hear but we were lying right next to each other when I said it with no other noise around & then he kissed me so I thought he had. We also had plans that night. I call these ppl cowards.

21. He saw this as a NSA situation but you got blinded by the attention you got and thought there was something. It hurts but you will be ok, move on

22. I used to have a friend like that, that every once in a while I’d catch him in a little, usually inconsequential lie, but something that wouldn’t make sense to lie about.

    Years later I realized he was a compulsive liar, had shared things I confided in him about, and he eventually ended up stealing money from me. When I confronted him about it he denied it, then talked shit about me to all my friends behind my back. He even went as far as to tell people I hooked up with his (now ex) girlfriend, which is ridiculous as the only times I’ve ever talked to her was when he brought her around.

    Dude was my best friend since elementary school and I eventually learned that half of the things he told me over the years was bullshit. Looking back I realize the times I gave up on opportunities in life and lost friendships because of his manipulation.

    OP, If you catch someone lying about something so stupid and they ghost you when you confront them, it’s because they thought they could play you and realized that they can’t. Don’t let them back into your life, as they’ll take that opportunity to win you over again. I know it really hurts to have your trust broken like that, but believe me, finding out after 4 months is a lot better than finding out after a decade.

23. Cheating is controversial sometimes bad sometimes reasonable if a guy does it ik toxic but true

    Ghosting, on the other hand? There is only one reason and one a guy would ghost
    Not dump, not cheat, but that is to look after himself in some form of way

    Let me let u on an equation

    Redflag³ × ego² + 180°= why he ghosted

    If I ever ghost a girl, that statement through my head goes like “I won’t even bother atp”

    Possibilities:
    *tryna be toxic yet rethorical
    * he is mentally disordered and has an issue of sorts
    * he saw something

    Those are theories I could be wrong due to the lack of context such as (he lied but not what did he lie about) to further understand the situation from multiple angles so we can come up with more reasonable answers or responses

    Regardless, I wish u nothing but well and the best 🤍🙏

    ~AW

24. I think instead of looking on negative side u should also see the positive side of this , maybe u did not diserve him , he may have been fishing alot of girls kind a Playboy , it’s better then he left early himself without doing more damage to you , bcoz if whatever the thing he was not telling u about could be a big thing that he did what to expose. We Indian believe whatever happens in life , either it’s good bad , happens for good . I wish u find someone understanding and gentle.

25. I recently experienced a guy who I caught cheating. After I forgave him and he asked for space. Your feelings of hurt and sad is understandable. its valid. But know this, better to know who he is in 4 months, than be oblivious for years. Heal and move on. Even if he told you the reason for lying, trust is already broken. So he night bulshit you again.

26. You caught him and he ran instead of taking accountability

27. What was the lie?

28. What was the lie and circumstances? It’s best to know this info so we can help.

29. I’m so sorry that this happened. As someone who has been ghosted multiple times, I know how painful this is and really feel for you. Take time to feel the grief of this.

    Know that his actions of ceasing communication is a bigger reflection of who he is as a person than of you. His lack of communication skills is not something you want in a long term relationship or a trait for the parent of any potential future kids.

    I found the book – mastery of love by Don Miguel Ruiz a godsend when this happened to me.

30. He never was into you. Was just using as side chick(might have been on bad condition with ex and now it’s going somewhere so he’s ghosting you)

31. People these days seem incapable of working through issues. While you are both older than this new generation, it’s still troubling to see the willingness to abandon ship and move on instead of stay and work things out.

    Let it hurt, but in the end realize that that immaturity would have been detrimental to both you and the relationship in the long run.

    Best of luck going forward.

32. I’d move on.

33. He did you a favour. I’m so sorry but his mental immaturity- you don’t need that.

34. My last ex lied to me and vanished on me regularly. He did not start doing this to me until we had been together for over a year, when I started to feel dependent on him emotionally. When I had a problem I wanted to discuss or if we disagreed about something, or I caught him in a lie, or he did something unkind to me, he would just stonewall me when I tried to talk about it. Just leave my text hanging and ignore my calls for sometimes over a week. I would be devastated. I would lie in bed crying wondering why I wasn’t even worth an explanation or a response at the least, if it was all my fault. I wondered if I should look past the issue and just reach out again anyway and ignore it, which would have been totally dismissive of my own feelings and self-respect. But it hurt so much that I considered it at times. I felt deeply betrayed and disrespected. It took me another year of it to leave, but leaving that relationship was the best thing I ever did. That is why I have to agree with the others who have said it is a good thing you are seeing this behavior early on. It is telling you that this person will probably be emotionally disconnected in the future when other problems arise or another important issue needs to be addressed. You don’t want to become attached to someone who ignores you. You deserve someone who respects you enough to explain what happened, offer an apology, and acts like an adult. It will hurt much more to deal with that later when it gets more serious.

35. You’re better off. He’s a liar and he can’t handle confrontation.

36. If that’s their reaction, then it’s probably for the best anyway. Unless they have a damn good explanation that just toxic and going to make confrontation difficult in the long run.

37. I hate lies

38. It’s probably for the better…look forward and move on…not worth looking back on this guy. Good luck on your search.

39. What kind of lie was it.