I’ve always been sexually submissive. However, the majority of women I’ve been with are submissive (and in general). So, I learned how to be dominant, and am good at it. I’ve also come to enjoy aspects of dominance now, such that I would call myself a switch. 95% of the sex I’ve had has been me being dominant.
I’ve met a girl who’s also a switch. But I’m afraid of showing my repressed heavily submissive side, out of fear that she won’t be able to take my dominant side seriously anymore. Is this a valid concern? I feel that it is.. excerpt from https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-give-women-the-sex-they-really-want/ :
>Women don’t want a timid boy, they want a man who fucks them.
(Extra Question to other switches: how do you decide who’s being D or S when y’all are flirting online or sexting? I never know when I can be submissive without it being a turn-off. (A big fear of mine))
13 comments
I assure you one thing from experience. Women adore men who can switch well. Some of my partners always kinda freak out because i play both roles perfectly. The tone changes, the body language, the eyes, the looks, the everything.
Do not be afraid my boy, show her what you got. Trust me.
You being a sub sometimes doesn’t undermine the dom part.
I usually decide based on the general mood. I’m good at reading people, so i usually can sense what she or he or they want ( im pansexual so the trappings of mortal forms mean nothing to me)
In the moment and adapt.
Key word is adaptability. Think on the fly. Talk. Communicate with them. Let go of your fears and everything will be gucci.
One trick i usually pull, especially since I’ve got a deep voice is that ill ask them if they want to see me beg, legs spread on my knees and being a cute little slut, or if they want me to make them beg.
Works every time, and gives you your answer on the tarmac.
Alright bud. If you’ve got more questions, ask away, and remember to have fun out there.
Semper fidelis.
If she’s a switch then there’s a great opportunity for lots of power play and power sharing. The concern could be slightly valid in the beginning but that’s when you use your dominance until you invalidate it.
You don’t really ‘decide’ who is D/s online or while sexting, whoever the D is in individual moments will become abundantly clear as it plays out. You may start with the intent of being D and she may assert herself right the fuck over you and you find out you’re the s. The power play that occurs at that level of who’s D is really fun and eventually someone will step or be forced down and it’s really hot.
In person that struggle for power can result in battle sex, and even with battle sex it doesn’t necessarily mean the physically stronger person ends up topping. It’s a brilliant mind-fuck.
Just play and have fun and let your personalities and personas feed off or fuel each other because if they don’t then you want to find that out early on.
It’s 100% an individual thing. I think the majority of women want dominant men. But a true switch knows that she can is both so she’d be able to respect a man who is both… if you are with a woman and your relationship is strong, communication is good, you shouldn’t have any trouble. Just pick the right woman. So many men want to be submissive but have partners who can’t handle that. So I’d say make sure this is discussed ahead of time. Don’t get into a serious relationship with a sub and expect her to switch….. but a real switch should be good. As far as deciding who does what, I think it all comes down to mood, and willingness to communicate….. good luck 🙂
The key to great sex is honesty with your partner. That’s the main rule and should be the one you follow, not articles written on the internet. Don’t get trapped in all of this alpha male, be in control, and throw her around bs.
I identify as a gentle switch 30/70 D/s. I have no shame in it and a lot of women find the idea of being in control very sexy. If you ever get judged by a partner by being honest about your desires then you shouldn’t be with that person. If your new partner is a switch you should just come out and tell her that you’d like having her be in control, she’ll probably do a happy dance.
A lot of women would love the opportunity to be in control and actually crave it a little. Be confident in who you are and what you want and that will lead to you having better sex.
I’m a switch, and I lean towards dominating because my personality is dominant. I like to be in control of everything in my life. It’s so nice to switch, though. To have someone in control of your pleasure to give you that moment to simply feel and not think in or out of the bedroom. I typically don’t stay submissive long. Once the rush wears off, I’m right back to being me. Your partner may need to be a switch as well with a heavier submissive side to balance it out. But I don’t see men weak because they want me to take control. It’s what turns me on.
I don’t have the perfect answer for you but figured I’d share my own anecdote.
I’m in the same boat, a sub at heart who had to learn to be a Dom. And one of my favourite things to do is to Dom from the bottom. Tell her how you want her to fuck you or touch you. Just relax and lavish in it. Or force her to sit on your face. Whatever you enjoy as a sub, demand as a Dom. It can sometimes help bridge the divide between the two modes.
Dont worry about it. If she’s a switch she’ll embrace it. I’m mostly submissive, my boyfriend mostly dominant. But he’s super into it when I take charge sometimes and am a bit dominant and “toss him around” a bit. Which in reality I can’t do that much since I am much smaller but it’s the dominant attitude that he likes sometimes especially cause I am normally submissive. It’s a good time and don’t worry about it and just communicate for sure
I love a switch! Can’t speak for everyone of course but it’s a good skill to have
Getting to try both sides is super fun. I don’t understand why women would be turned off by a submissive man. If he’s looking at me as an Amazon who is controlling his orgasms, I feel amazing! If he is spanking me for being a bad girl, also amazing!
Look man, some people like switches, and some don’t. If they don’t like switches, and you’re a switch, they’re not the one for you. Jokes on them anyways, we get to have twice as much fun.
And IME switchy people of both genders are hard to find, but are in demand by most. The only people who aren’t into it are straight dominants who will never submit, straight submissives who will never dom, and people with insipid hangups. There’s not a lot of the first two, and the last are nothing you went to mess with.
Every woman is different
I’m a switch, or not really dom or sub, just passionate and I take control or let myself be taken control of. So I’m looking for the same. Whenever a guy is a proclaimed dom I run the other way. But I also would not want to be with a complete sub either
But there’s women who are fully dom too.
Hold out for the right partner.
Step one would be to ignore anything a dating and confidence consultant says
Uff, I have the same issue man. I am a bulky build and tall and like 80% of women I’ve been with are submissive and they genuinely don’t know what to do when I ask them if they can be dominant. If it’s a long term partner tho, you can definitely get better with time.
But one time I was literally with the most physically attractive person I’ve seen and she was so submissive. I was literally out of it, I’ve had to like think of all the dominant partners I’ve had just to finish in these situations.
Also I’m a switch, other switches I’ve met it’s literally been a back and forth of domination and submission and the communication during sex has also been amazing. Literally used to think porn is better than sex before meeting people like this.
And I want to say, I am always trying to communicate after regularly listening to a sex podcast. But it’s so weird when you communicate and they are not used to it and then are just confused. Also, some people just break out of it if you talk.