Me and my bf have been seeing each other a little under 6 months. We’ve had some issues, with communication being a big one on his part. We hadn’t had sex because it just hadn’t been the right time and due to some previous misunderstandings.
Then yesterday he came over and we ended up making out. I suggested sex and he said he wasn’t sure because he was nervous. I left it be and was fine with kissing but then a few minutes later he started to undress me so I figured he decided it was ok. Everything was fine and he was enthusiastic and took control of everything so I had no doubts. He kissed me goodnight when he left and said he’d try to come by tomorrow.
But then last night he texted me we shouldn’t have had sex. He said I didn’t force him but he wasn’t ready and shouldn’t have undressed.
I know his past relationship was bad and context clues says she might have been abusive. He’s asked me before when I offered head if I’d be angry if he refused, so I’ve always tried my best to be gentle with him in any regard.
This has devastated me and I just wanna be there for him. Im afraid he’ll break things off with me and Im also afraid of where his mindset is.
Please give me advice on how to handle this. In supporting him and avoiding this happening again.
TLDR; Bf had sex with me even though he didn’t want to. Im not sure what to do
3 comments
It sounds like he may benefit from speaking to a therapist about some underlying issues. You’ve done nothing wrong, so apologies and guilt on your end are unnecessary.
My hunch is that this man is gay.
Honey, the only thing you can do is talk to him. You said that there has been a lot of miscommunication already in this relationship so that’s where you need to start. If he tells you he needs time/ space fine give him that but make sure he understands that you are there for him and you want him to know that you will be there when he is ready to discuss what happened and how you two should move forward. I understand that this may be a delicate dance but it sounds like you are fully invested so I would go with that. BTW you didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve been taking your time it just sounds like he has been unable to truly voice his feelings. If he is open to talking to you great if not maybe suggest a professional. You can also suggest couple’s therapy too. I wish you all the best and I hope you can let go of the guilt. This really isn’t on you. I’m pretty sure he knows it too but he can’t find the words to communicate that right now. Take a step back and give yourself a moment before you dive back into this situation.