For more context
I’ve always struggled with small talk when trying to make new friends, or conversing with coworkers, and people I’m not overly familiar with.
Usually conversations pop up between people I’m around such as talking about a new tv show, or bringing up some kind of experience that both can mutually relate to. Conversations seem to flow naturally between people I’m around, but if I’m being spoken to it feels awkward.
I feel like I don’t relate to others or have any value to bring to social conversations. I don’t relate to typical small talk such as tv shows or celebrity gossip. Usually it’s just me smiling and saying “yeah” as a response to people talking, and I’m always listening rather than contributing. As a result I feel this makes me the odd one out in a friend group, or someone not really worth talking to. Although I have no trouble talking about heavier/deeper topics once I get used to someone or with a group. But then if I start getting too deep I feel they distance from me and I feel like the odd one out. I also have no issue talking or reaching out to someone over chat messaging, but as soon as I try to converse with them in person it’s back to me being silent awkward again.
Any tips on how to get better at small talk/relating with people?
1 comment
Generally people will talk more about themselves when given a chance but they wouldn’t want to feel as if they are giving speech. Instead of saying ‘yeah’ try to ask small questions about what they spoke. For example, if someone is talking about their favourite show, ask them who their favourite character is and why or what’s different in that show etc. Even a small “is it so?”, “You really feel that way?”, “Why do you say so?” Let’s them know you are actively listening and interested in what they are talking about.
Even if you don’t have much to contribute, you just stating you agree with them or disagree with them shows you have an opinion about it too.
If you are initiating the small talk, have three or four general topics in your mind beforehand. So that when the conversation is not going well, you can start with the topic you already thought about.This might be a bit difficult in the beginning but you’ll get good at it soon.
Try to remember atleast one thing from each conversation you have with someone and lead with that next time. Say, if someone mentioned they have a pet, next time for a small talk, ask them how their pet is/ how they spent time with the pet etc.
You’ll always have something common with someone, you need not know them on personal level to find it. Plain facts also acts as having something in common. Working at same company, staying in same area, traveling in the same route everything and anything can be used.
I hope this helps!