i (19f) have been with my boyfriend (21m) for almost a year now. i flip flopped between labels for my sexuality for a while and i identified as a lesbian before i met him, but i now identify as bisexual, and he is my first relationship. our relationship is honestly going really great: we never fight and we always try to communicate. he’s genuinely the sweetest person i’ve ever met and he cares about me so much. i care about him and love him and i don’t want to break up with him any time soon, but in the back of my mind i’m always yearning to be with a woman. and i secretly know that i don’t want to stay with him forever because i want to eventually date women. especially because he’s my first relationship, i want to at least try being with women, and if i end up with a man that’s fine, but i know i will never feel satisfied if i don’t date a woman. i feel bad and i feel like i don’t deserve my bf because he’s so kind and so caring and would literally do anything for me but i’m just secretly waiting to date a girl. even though i don’t actively want to break up with him, i’m kind of just sitting back waiting because i know it’ll happen eventually. and it’s not that i don’t love him, but i just know he’s not the person i want to stay with forever. i don’t want to break his heart either, but i also don’t want to be selfish. idk i just feel shitty and i don’t know what i should do.. or if i should even do anything and just address it later.
tl;dr
i like being with my boyfriend but i want to date girls.
4 comments
Couple things, first up, decide what you want. Is it him, is it a woman, is it both?
Decide on a course of action from there and treat him like a human and not just some choice. Dudes got feelings and that should be respected. If you know you’re just gonna drift away cut it off. If you want to date both, have a respectful conversation with him about it and see if he’d be into opening the relationship to another person.
To be honest, imma be blunt. Be fucking forreal and communicate with sincerity and straightforwardness. Cut the bullshit and sit down with him after you got your mindset together. At the end of the day you are only 19, you are still experiencing your sexuality. The fact you literally just wrote “…I just know he is not the person I want to be with forever” says everything. Tell him the truth. Listen he is also 21. The chances of him also experiencing his own sexual freedom and wants are still high. So telling him the truth will most likely break his heart but he will thank you for it down the road with somebody else who is looking for something similar to what his wants are. After doing so, tell him you been craving to sexually pursue a woman. Maybe he will be interested in joining. If not its really up to him to decide what he would do. You have no control over his decisions because he will be the one taking that responsibility. Whatever he decides he cant blame it on you since you have done your part in telling him. Like I said, “Be fucking real” and dont waste people’s time. You still want to look somewhere, let him have that choice as well
People in this sub just make me question peoples think process.
I was like this with my first relationship. My then-girlfriend was really sweet and patient, but I was panicking inside about how I wanted to date a man at least once before I died.
About 7 months into our relationship I asked myself how I’d feel if we broke up, and the answer was relieved. I knew then the right thing to do was to break up with her, but I sat on it in terror for another few months before I actually did it.
I feel like if the guilt is eating you alive, maybe it would be best to go your separate ways. But in truth I’m terrible at relationships myself so I don’t feel qualified to give you advice lol – just know that whatever course you take, this Internet stranger understands how you feel!