How are you dealing with loneliness/lack of love in your lives?

32 comments

1. I’m about 2 weeks away from jumping off a bridge. I earn over average, I go the gym every day, I try to be mindful, I never had issues picking up women until covid. Why is it so impossible to meet someone now? Or even get them to respond on dating apps? Does it really have to come down to taking steroids to compete with all the guys they are being bombarded with online? I’m really surprised there aren’t more violent outbursts if there’s people out there feeling worse than I have for the last 2 years

2. By focusing on the things that make you happy which you can control. Be your authentic self, and learn to love yourself. You can’t make others come to you, but you can make you be the version you want to be.

   I struggle with this a lot, so I try and do the things I enjoy, like working out, paddleboarding, going to gigs, even if I do them alone, I’m learning to appreciate my own company. It’s not easy though, there are days when I drink myself to sleep, but you just have to keep focusing on positive things and just ride the waves as they come.

3. I mean that loneliness will be there anyways, so I just try and avoid it and do what I can to keep going

4. Distractions, to begin with.. then with time you’ll be able to crush those feelings more easily.

5. Extremely unhealthily. I have done a lot of stupid things recently because of being socially starved.

6. I’ve been dealing with it all my life, I just ignore it like I always do. It’s whatever to me now, just a constant feeling that I constantly deal with. I have no tips, just keep yourself busy I guess. I’m just used to it and I plan to get even more used to it as time goes on.

7. I just accepted it, its nothing new to me, I’ve been dealing with it since the 1st Grade

8. You ignore it and move on. And when you can’t… there is always drugs.

9. Eh I’m used to it.

10. Found a group of people to play video games with online, and I got a dog. Whenever I need cheering up or a hug, my dog is happy to oblige.

11. Well I’m not very old, but I’ve certainly always been alone and never had any type of love in my live, what I do is focus on my current activities as much as possible, to distract my mind from this thoughts. The more activities I gave to do the better

12. I’m naturally an individualistic (almost egoist) person but I believe that it helps to have a purpose that you can devote yourself to. I personally tend to focus on things that cultivate excellence of mind. For example, I have a love for mathematics so I’m going to school for it; I feel that it’s my life’s calling to become a mathematician and contribute to mathematics.

    Being too concerned with the way that other people perceive you or constantly comparing yourself with others is a great way to get stuck in a negative feedback loop. A friend in my math program is constantly comparing himself to others and he’s always stressed out because he fails to meet the unrealistic expectations that he’s built up for himself as a result.

13. I’m introverted so I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. So far, it seems like almost all the girls I’ve met weren’t really worth my time.

14. Well, I just go to the gym and buse some heavy weights lmfao. It keeps me sane.

15. I absolutely kill myself in the gym everyday + cardio. I don’t have any energy left at the end of the day so I can sleep peacefully. 15 minute meditation sessions help a lot too. If you are depressed don’t underestimate SSRIs. They can really help your overall mood and lower sex drive/loneliness.

    I don’t get attention or compliments but I can’t blame my loneliness on anyone but myself. If I had made better decisions in middle/high school I would have been much better socially adapted and have an actual chance with women but I missed the boat.

    Also I know it’s counter intuitive but quitting porn actually made me less lonely. I found that watching porn everyday made me hypersexual and only more focused on the sex I wasn’t having.

16. Well first off, don’t be friends with women who don’t feel the same way you do. You’re asking to be tortured at that point. Secondly, copious amounts of alcohol, I recommend a strong bourbon.

17. I really don’t. I just suppress everything because nobody really gives a shit about me or my feelings anyways.

18. Working, hobbies, etc.

    Occasionally talking to a girl to polish my social skills.

    I’m in college so I’m around ppl so it helps.

19. Hey man, I went through your profile. I think it’s a really cool that you are a tour guide, I’ve always wanted to do something like that. Connect with people, show them around, show off my culture and country. And you’re only 25 too? That’s awesome man! Good for you.

    And you speak Turkish? Such a beautiful language. That’s awesome, good for you!

20. Badly. I just distracted myself with work for 10 years. I’m now rich. And feel absolutely worthless. It’s not what I’d imagined.

21. Do you have feelings for this female friend of yours?

22. push my car to the fucking limit, foot to the floor, Russian Lada going 60 sounds from engine bay, absolutely come close to blowing up the engine.

    and the entire time I’m wondering, is this the day this engine dies? and i keep on wondering, will this engine die first, or will I?

    then the turns come, barely have any traction on my tires, and I slowly turn the wheel. and all that’s left is me, the engine, and the pavement. traveling through space.

23. Some relationships can make you feel just as lonely as well, so the only way to ever be truly content is to control what you can control and be your own closest friend.

24. When you get home look into the mirror and ask yourself “Do I like this person? Why or why not?” If you don’t love yourself you never be happy and always be lonely. Drop the things you don’t like about yourself and focus on the the stuff you do like about yourself. It’s really simple but you can’t fix something if you don’t know what the issues are.

25. This was a bit of a depressing thread to read.

    A lot of women don’t know that men crave attention and affection. You have to be true to yourself… don’t lower your standards, don’t get involved in activities that aren’t of interest to you just to find someone to be close to… you’ll only temporarily be happy/satisfied.

    Find some social activities with other single people. Local game night, open mic night at a bar, a Co-ed sports league, etc.

    To those of you stating you’re about to jump off a bridge…I hope you’re just being dramatic, but if you are truly feeling that empty please reach out to your local suicide helpline.

    Be willing to openly communicate your needs, wants and desires with someone. Women are not mind readers, just as men are not.

    Good luck men!

26. I use the loneliness and desperation for affection to try to initiate and find opportunities to hang out with people. It’s never worked and the groups I hang out with I never seem to take friends away from.

    I’m constantly buying toys for myself, gaming tech, I have a car and a bike I really enjoy, etc.

    I am dieting and working out daily.

    None of that makes up for no one loving you or wanting to be with you.

27. I try to give others what I lack. Hoping it comes around in some way or another. Sometimes it keeps me up thinking I’m doing it out of selfish reason but I also like having others smile so I think it’s ok

28. It’s unbearable.

29. It’s really tough man, and your feelings are 100% valid. I try go out and hang out with friends as much as possible, gym 4-5x a week, a bit of gaming and anime, cinemas etc. Basically getting into my hobbies and interests to use it as distraction from the loneliness. I’m also learning to appreciate my own company and be more happier spending time with myself and treating myself with kindness and empathy.

    Sometimes the loneliness gets unbearable and I end up crying myself to sleep and it does make me feel a lot better afterwards instead of bottling up my emotions.

30. Settle into mortality and take solace in the fact that this is all temporary.

31. Just started a minecraft server with the boys

32. dunno if it will help, but being in a similar position I also often get hit with the waves of loneliness and depression that comes from it. One of my closest guy friends only a few years younger then me is also alone but never seems to bothered by it, I asked him how he does it and his reply was that, “Its not that I dont feel that way or have those thoughts, it just when I do have them I dont let them spiral me into darker thoughts.” Basically from what I can determine its a matter of not letting your problems consume you. As many others have said focus on what you like/love about yourself. Find something to make you smile or be happy during your days. In general focus on the good of your life. I still find that incredibly difficult, and I have seen someone do it first hand for 10+years now.