What do you wish you had known before coming the stay at home partner?

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1. How much people outside my own household would suddenly feel entitled to my time.

2. How quickly you can drown in invisible labor

3. How if you get divorced, YOU WILL BE POOR while your working partner will be just fine (and still think it’s unfair if they have to throw you a bone even though you took care of everything at home while they were out getting promotions). Don’t put yourself in that position.

4. I really wish expectations were talked about prior to it. I wish it was looked at by both parties as a job equally or arguably more important than one paid for.

   I wish there was feedback on how you were doing that wasn’t judged on menial and horrifically boring & mind numbing daily tasks like dishes and laundry. As much as anyone who goes to work can say they don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks you could never understand that you are given constant feedback on things using your gifts, brains or brawn with the choice to change them & that, which can be stressful at times, is something that gives a sense of value.

5. So I loved be a sahm, but I wish I knew how shitty of a person my now ex was going to become after we got settled and how badly women who stay home are treated by complete strangers.

6. What financial abuse was.

7. The amount of mental tasks that pile on top of all the physical ones, and that most people don’t see managing a home, a family, and all of the things that come with those, as a legitimate life choice.

   I made a list of every task I perform, from cleaning the bathroom to planning meals to keeping track of everyone’s appointments. It’s insane. Most careers don’t include such a wide range (or huge number) of roles and responsibilities.