What Are Hard Conversations To Have Wirh Your Mum?

18 comments

1. It’s not that they are tough but just would be boring to have. Like what would even be the point?

2. I guess for a lot of guys these days, especially those who grew up with single mothers, the mothers influence on the childs dating life is a tough one. This can be by being overly protective or just being a bad role model and such things.

3. at times i’d like to have convos about my dad who passed away when i was a teenager, but i don’t like bringing it up. i don’t want to get her all emotional and upset. there are some tough questions i’d like to ask, but is asking those questions my place? shouldn’t i just let sleeping dogs lie?

   i feel guilty dredging up ancient history. but i also know i’ll be regretful when she passes away and i’ll never know the answers to these questions, because she’s the only one left who knew him well.

4. For me, it was when I told her that I won’t come home after boarding school, instead, I’ll be working for an international organization, and I’ll have to travel for work.

   For her, it’s a constantly ongoing struggle to accept that I cook better than her. She is a good cook, but I have more experience with cuisines around the world, and I have a passion for cooking, so I practiced more in 24 years, than she did in 50.

   Luckily, I never really have especially difficult conversations with my mother. I can tell her anything, and expect an honest answer, with a lot of thought put into it. She can expect the same from me.

5. – Sex
   – consent
   – drugs
   – the downsides of being a parent
   – attitudes they had when they were your age and would they be okay today
   – the line between protecting you and letting you make your own mistakes
   – situations they would/ wouldn’t trust you in
   – money/ personal finance
   – fears
   – how to cook (a lot of people die before being able to pass on secret recipes)

6. Why she cannot have alone time with her grandchildren due to mistrust and anger issues.

7. Why she refuses to make any time to see her grandkids. She hasn’t met my youngest despite living in the same town and him being 6 1/2.

   My Dad (they’re divorced) lives 3 hours away and sees them at least once a year if not more. (We go camping during the summer)

8. I kept a lot of traumatic events to myself because I never wanted my mom to worry about me, as she always did the most to keep me safe and she didn’t deserve to suffer for my bad decisions and unability to protect myself. Sometimes later on as an adult I had to tell her some of these things to explain why I did some things a certain way.

9. Probably the conversation where I told my mom that every step forward in life was when I realized something she tried to teach me was wrong

10. When they need help. Ranging from minor stuff, to my MiL is just too frail to live on her own so its assisted living time because she kinda needs someone at least part time. My own mom is still on her own… for now.

11. I guess I never really told my mother that my wife and I aren’t having kids. At this point we’re old enough that it’s pretty clear that’s not happening though.

12. They’re hard but necessary. Two years I told my mom when she divorced my abusive alcoholic stepdad after 24 years that if not for my younger sister I wish they’ve never met. She accepted that, understood how I felt, sincerely apologized for putting me in those rough spots for years and we were able to move past it. I haven’t brought it up since, because after unpacking all of that the conversation reached it’s logical conclusion.

    We’re great now because I have more insight as a married man myself with the dynamic she went through at the time (single mom, he needs a dad, etc), and she knows that I am nothing like my stepdad so it was not a way to hold the marriage over her head forever. We all suffered in that house and our lives are better now.

13. How I’m not ok with being circumcised.

    How my “nice guy” phase was partly her fault.

    How her sex negativity pushed me away from sharing problems with her.

14. Depends on your situation. I was the youngest sibling, so i had an idea growing up when parents are fighting, but when i got older and my older siblings explained the shit going on with extended families and the amount of bs my mom had to deal with on top of my father. I went on a long walk with her and asked her about the toxic environment, the gossip , and just understanding family dynamics, family financial decisions, qualities she tried to warn me not to mirror the actions she received and their relationship has gotten so bad and how its slowly getting better. After the conversation, my mom said it was the first time she felt she spoke to her son and we both teared up talking about it but it was the hardest conversation I have had in my life so far.

15. I struggle talking at all to my mum and dad about relationships and dating. I just don’t feel at all comfortable discussing that part of my life with them as I know they have some idea of who they believe me to be and that part of my life just doesn’t fit into the picture at all.

16. Work related, my parents will ask about what’s going on and what kind of cases I work. I avoid it altogether.

17. My mother is very traditional and eastern European. She raised me and my younger brother by herself and I was the oldest.

    I consider that experience to have been a “try before you buy” with regards to being a family man. It taught me that I never want to have a gf, wife, or kids.

    I’m 31 years old and the last one of my single friends. I got a vasectomy 4 years ago and haven’t even been on a date since I was 22/23 years old and have no intention of doing so.

    My mother just refuses to accept that she will never see a daughter in law or grandchildren out of me and still holds out hope despite me telling her that I’m just not interested in getting that out of life.

18. Substance abuse while raising your children. My mother is a drug addict and I was always embarrassed about this, but growing up I started to meet many people who had mothers who were once or still are addicted to drugs and or alcohol.

    Made me think that are probably thousands of other people like me who were always too afraid to talk about it.