I (23F) haven’t talked to my ex situationship (24M) in over a year. We got together in the summer of 2021 and a little bit into the fall. It was a lot of fun but also there were lots of tears shed. He was emotionally unavailable and wasn’t very good at being reliable. But he was my first real fling and I definitely caught feelings. We were both kind of inexperienced and hormones took over. Basically our “dates” consisted of walking around the lake, we’d eventually go sit on a bench or head into the woods to make out and do other stuff. We never went all the way though, I wasn’t ready for that. We met in college but didn’t get together until the summer after.
I wanted it to turn into something more but it didn’t really. I think part of me putting up with him was just hoping I could build more of a relationship with him. But it didn’t happen. We both lived at home and it was hard to schedule times to meet both having stricter parents…even though we were adults.
Anyways, I stopped talking to him a while ago and deleted his number out of my phone. I made the conscious decision to ignore his “Yo what’s up” DMs. He was always watching my stories and stalking my Instagram back years, accidentally liking comments from guy friends and then unliking them. Lol. The other day I got a text from an unknown number, with a smiley face and a “Hey!”. I thought it was another friend and make the mistake of getting caught up in small talk with him. He wouldn’t leave me alone after I asked “Who’s this?”. He responded and I tried to play it off but I fell into it and we started catching up over text. The weird thing is he’s playing games again and I don’t know why. Maybe he wanted to meet up but found out I do still indeed live 70 minutes away from him. So it’s a long ways for a bit of fun. He has been very nice and respectful over text, asking me questions about my life, but he’s very sparse and typically only sends me 1-2 texts every 24 hours. Why is he like this? Why did he reach out if he didn’t want to talk? I’m not being desperate or clingy towards him either, but I’d be lying if I said there are no unresolved feelings going on.
Normally I’d ignore him but I guess I was holding out some hope that we are 2 years older than when we had our fling. I avoided talking to him for over a year after he started ghosting me for days in end. I felt like I proved I didn’t need him and then he came back. What should I do and what’s this all about? I’d just like to get some more opinions on the situation.
1 comment
Usually, exes are exes for a reason, and whatever patterns you feel into previously you’re liable to fall into again.
That said, if you have unresolved feelings for him you’re not going to resolve them without exploring them or closure.
I’d suggest full disclosure, tell him you’ve got feelings for him but the way things went last time hurt. Ask him if he has feelings for you and does he want to explore them?
If he does, then date him, while dating make sure you talk about your needs, talk about your feelings, and if things aren’t going well, tell him. Make sure that you keep an eye on things and make sure they don’t fall into the old behaviours.
If he doesn’t, then you’ve got closure and can move on with your life.